Window Into My Reality

I should be working on my Trek short story to get the next part posted. I did a quick one for Bob and posted a poem and written the rest of a loooong email [no, y'all can't see that !!!!] But what am I doing instead??? Sitting here catching up on other blogs and trying not to fret about my meeting this afternoon with Pastors, or the friendship issue. Which, if I'm such a negative influence---why does he agree to let me babysit their kids? He is so confusing me right now with the issue. Grrrrr.....I missed a library appreciation dinner last night to babysit too....double grrrrrrrr!!!!! I'm going to go up the mountain to another friends after the library closes, as England is now 6 hours ahead of me instead of 5 [until we switch foward this weekend] and I so miss chatting with him in the afternoons. Not much else to write about.

Well, I didn't get to go see me friend this afternoon, our schedules didn't agree with each other! BUT---she did reply to my email! And it was encouraging! She wrote: Just chill as I work things out with my husband and God. I think God is about to do something with me….and He’s preparing me. I can’t explain. It doesn’t mean you an never stop by or that I am not your friend…or that you cannot come to me with things. Actually of all the people I know and pour into…you are the only one who has a teachable spirit…and you are the only one who confessed that you stabbed me in the back. That’s actually pretty cool. Of all the people I know and all the people I have wanted to see set free….your the one I will still minister to. Not that I personally got it all together…NOT! It's not like I ever meant to do anything to hurt her. Perhaps she recognizes that. {Shrug} Goofball that I am....I replied back...."Nice to know I'm not a complete screw-up! LOL!" Sh

God, what were You thinking when You created me? And what do You think now, as You look upon my life? Have I lived up to Your expectations, the good and the bad? Have I disappointed You at all? I know I have disappointed others. As I set myself up for disappointment...do You hold your breath at all...getting ready to swoop in to hold me should it come...do you smile knowing that it isn't coming? Those who pray, please pray. My bestest friend told me today that her husband would like to see her cut off 4 friendships...one of which would be me. And...I haven't an arguement in the world, no defense, and I know that crying and pleading will do no good. So I am typing an email even now to say, "Ok. Just give me the word." It will hurt. A lot. Just the threat of the ax over my heart brings tears that I can't shed. I hope that my reaction will be mature enough that it will persuade him to let me stay. I expect to be told to go away.

It was quiet here at the library today. Nothing more to say.

Daydreamer, I sooooooo loved your new background that I had to get it for myself! Hope you don't mind! Isn't it great everyone? I kept the outfit the same as it still fits my mood. :)

It's Friday. I'm tired, had some freaky dreams. I'm bummed, my friend hasn't emailed me so I don't know if she's still mad at me and I can't go to her house because when someone kicks you out of their house you can't just go back, u know? Sigh. But it's time for lunch. So I'm breaking from blogging and stuff for a few hours and will be back. Who knows what'll happen in the meantime. I swear, I get in less trouble here than I do in the "real world".

The Dart Test... A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminaryclass, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved. The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her

Sigh. Will I never learn? I just had a fight with my bestest friend, 5 minutes before prayer meeting, which she's supposed to lead. So - she's going into prayer pissed at me...I'm not even there at all...and I'm furious myself. But as usual, It's all my fault. It always is, right? I should have just kept my stupid mouth shut when she started talking about a mutual friend instead of sharing my thoughts about the church's attitude toward her. Does this woman need to grow up in a few things - yes, I don't deny that. But I think sometimes "tough love" can do more damage than good sometimes. That's just my opinion as I've been on the receiving end of this "tough love" and have had it totally mess me up for a while...like the time I was told of by a pastors whose church I was thinking of joining. You don't lift someone up by beating them into the ground. Do we need to not give negative attention to negative behavior? Abs

I have just a few minutes. Today was a good day. Monday was the best as I finally got my school bus back...and I can feel the difference in the throttle so I am pretty happy about that. My friend is trying to find her phone book so she can order our supper. And all the kids are like running and screaming and stuff. So I can barely think!! American Idol comes on in about 15 minutes...and then the last half hour of Lost and we're trying to get dinner before this all happens!!! DayDreamer...I just want to say I really enjoyed your comment a few posts back! {So did England} Anyhow. I'm gonna sign off now. Maybe I'll have more time to post more later. But then...who knows??? Life happens ya know! Later!!!

I am the newest "Lost" fan...Sure, I've just found it in the middle of the season...have no idea who anyone is or what is going on...but it has the guy who played Merry in Lord of the Rings so I'm a little hooked already...pathetic, aren't I???? :P He looks so much better with a less hobbity hairdo...and of course, I love his accent. :) Also, just posted something NEW over at my fiction site...something that might be of interest to you Trek fans out there... Resistance is Futile

I just can't resist these things.....I've been told that I look good in green too....Happy St. Patricks' Day! You Are Emerald Green Deep and mysterious, it often seems like no one truly gets you. Inside, you are very emotional and moody - though you don't let it show. People usually have a strong reaction to you... profound love or deep hate. But you can even get those who hate you to come around. There's something naturally harmonious about you. What Color Green Are You?

It was somewhat of a long weekend, but it's over. It was great getting to see the nephews again, although I had an amusing time convincing the oldest one that he was indeed my nephew! Would you like to know what I want? I want to go someplace where nobody knows me [well, to a degree]. I want to go someplace where nobody knows my family. I want to go someplace where nobody knows my past, especially my failures. I want to be known for who I am...not somebody's sister or daughter. Selfish, aren't I? :)

They found out what was wrong with the vacuum cleaner---it was clogged full of rock salt. Gee---I wonder why. It's all that I ever sweep up during the wintertime! I am so....... frustrated ........right now. I'm not sure whether I want to go home and cry ... or beat on something!!!!!!!! Perhaps I'll settle for a peanut butter chocolate kiss as I finish packing for my weekend away. And the first person who asks me if I want cheese with my whine will get smacked!!!

I have the library all to myself for the moment...it's actually closed over the lunch hour...and I'm supposed to be cleaning...but the vacuum cleaner is broken...honest! It is! I flip the switch and it starts going high pitched like it's gonna blow up! Yes, I checked the dust compartment and made sure it wasn't too full. I don't know whether to see if it sucks or not...well, I know it "sucks", but does it "suck". LOL. Not much else to say. Well, prayer meeting was ok last night. We watched two videos though and most of the prayers were in the form of 'yes, Lord! Do it here too Lord.' Headstart is off on Friday's so I don't have to drive bus. I slept in until almost 9 today...that was nice. Ok, it was more like 8:30, but I didn't get up right away. I still have to finish packing for the weekend trip to my brother's.

One of the things that I love about my job is field trips...and not because of any extra money. First of all, it's always fun to take the kids to different places. Second of all---when it's to the library...I get to go online earlier in the day. That's where we went this morning. Not sure what's going on at church tonight. Thursday's are supposed to be prayer meeting night...the only time allowed for the deposed intercessory team to pray...which totally sucks. I mean, how can you PRAY for your pastors when they're sitting right there? It can be a little awkward sometimes. But it said in the bulletin something about video's being shown for the next three nights. Oookay...just how I want to spend my evenings! NOT! They've switched busses on me, I'm now driving Ed's bus and he has the spare bus --- apparently they've finally decided that 'hey, this bus can quit anytime anywhere so it's not safe to drive'---have they been lis

Yes! they think they might know what's wrong with my bus. It stalled about 10 times on me yesterday...while cruising right along...raising my anxiety levels like you wouldn't believe. They think it's the fuel pump. $700...not including labor...maybe it'll get fixed this weekend! Here's hoping! Home group is a pizza party tonight. Whoohoo!!! [note the sarcasm] And the morning kids go to the library tomorrow and hopefully I'm the one that gets to drive them there. That'll be nice.

Well, here I am sitting at the library like usual. I got my email off early today so I've got time to blog tonight. I already posted a poem on my poetry site. My bus monitor missed the noon run today because she was in court. Sticking it to someone who had run stop sign and caused thousands of dollars damage to her truck and didn't have insurance. Uhm, if they didn't have money for insurance...??? {{{Note to self: Do NOT piss off the bus monitor.}}} But the bright side was that Igot to listen to the radio without interuption---of course, now I'm wondering if I'm one of those "difficult people", gulp, Chip Ingram was talking about. Not much else to talk about. Mind still wandering to the distant lands MC, although I am more cautious when getting into my own vehicle [although you would NOT believe the typos and other goofy things I do because I'm distracted ]

2 hour school delays For some reason, it's the hardest thing to add 2 hours to my departure time at 6:15 in the morning when the boss calls. It leaves me with 20 minutes before having to leave for the next run it leaves me with half an hour to wait before I can take the morning kids back home. And they don't even feed me while I wait. It really sets me off for the entire day. gggrrrr.

Sigh. It's Wednesday---all day today. Home Groups tonight...Pastors are gone so the ladies will be at my friend Paigey's house [does this mean we can turn the tv on right at 8 for American Idol? Hey - the guys are singing tonight!] Headstart might take the kids to the County Library tomorrow morning, which is always fun [serious] though it will mean a rushed morning. Unless it snows. Which it might since WNEP says it's going to be 'ugly' tomorrow---always a comfort. The bus monitor and I were on the bus thing morning---driving into the rising sun...and the rays were coming through the clouds just so that it looked like it was shining intensely on one spot...and she started sharing something about how one of her grandkids always thought it meant Jesus was coming back, which is what I had just thought, so I told her that..."Jesus? Is that you? Is it now? Please????" Despite her incessant chatter over the radio the rest of the time, this was a nice