Window Into My Reality

I am sometimes, often, disgusted at my own cowardice. My inability to say what I'm really thinking, or feeling, about a matter to the person involved. If I could, I would say to the company doctor treating my locking fingers...seriously, it's been almost a month, they're not getting better in fact it's been getting worse since I started getting treatment and therapy; you have not taken me off my job, so my fingers aren't getting the break they need. And the medicine you've prescribed, which is supposed to be better than ibuprofen...SUCKS! I am in more pain since starting it and experience more swelling. To my red hat (supervisor), who isn't really my red hat and only a substitute, who wants me to bring in a doctors note to verify that I'm actually going to the doctors Monday afternoon...even though I'm not leaving until last break, so a note really isn't required: seriously man, not all doctors appointments can be scheduled in advance. Some t...

Oh my!  A two day weekend!  We haven't had one of those since Labor Day weekend...which was supposed to be a three day weekend, but of course we had to work on Saturday.  But not this weekend!  We're free!  Caught up enough on the cows that have been killed.  Wonder how long it will last.  I did NOT mind the PAY...the overtime rocked!  I am going to miss that part.  But not the actual hours!  lol! I've got a wedding to go to tomorrow, so it is a blessing that we have it off.  My cousin Kathy's son is getting married, which for that branch of the family is usually a once in a lifetime deal.  I haven't met the bride yet, but that's ok.  I'll meet her tomorrow. It's sad when your cellphone works better and faster than your computer!  lol!  Oh well. this is better than nothing!  Off to write in my dragon story. ttyl :)

So, I have a computer again. Sort of.  It's a tower that Justin's mother gave us.  I'm not sure about it, but it seems to work.  SLOW.  But it works and that is all that matters!  (we'll see how long it lasts! lol ) So, I'll be able to blog again.  Write some poems, shorts stories maybe.  Blog boring tidbits of my life. Like how I had to fill out paperwork today to document that my fingers like to lock up at home.  It's not like Cargill is going to do anything about it.  I'm still on the same job, for the same length of time.  No rotation at all.  Like there should be.  I do get to hot wax my hands on every break - the right one on first and last break and the left one on lunch break.  And I'm supposed to do hot and cold water contrast baths here at home.  My sinks aren't even free because nobody does dishes! lol! And that's about it.  Gonna sign off to go have dinner at a friends.  Trying out sloppy c...

Today was a long day at work, at least it felt it. Same 8.5 hours as usual, just lots of lean cow. Lean cow is a grade of beef, and becuase they're skinny cows, you don't get much from them. Which means that it takes 'forever' to do 550 head! Lol! But we all survived! I want to share two new blogs I've discovered. One is by Mara Wilson , the child actress who played Matilda is now 24! She's a smart cookie, and I find her writing fresh and invigorating. The second is a new one written by my brothers ex. Alysson is sweet and funny, and I hope she keeps writing. I managed to get up a new post at my fiction site, the long awaited Pt 47 of Zion's Children. I have started the next post, but do not know when it will be up. I know Mara said that there is no such thing as writer's block, just lack of faith in our abilities, but to be honest, what else would you call it when you have blank paper and blank screen and NOTHING comes out. The little voi...

Well that was cool. Really! The doctor took Justin and I step by step through the CT scan of my sinuses! My septum, the middle part between the nostrils, is seriously deviated. And there were two spots that were enlarged, one that was touching the septum wall. I was told it shouldn't be doing that. There was also some immflamtion in one of the forehead sinuses. We did talk about surgery...the risks and possibilities, etc. To straighten the septum and clear some of that other stuff out. But first I'll have allergy testing done. Simply put, if the allergy test comes up positive, no surgery just more treatment. If the allergy test is negative...surgery. I am at the point where I don't care what they do, I just want to be able to breath through my nose again! Surgery is a scary thought though, because all surgeries cary some amount of risk. Since this would be close to the brain, of course there is more risk involved. And I'm not fond of being put under anywa...

So I have today off...processing and map were both given the day off. I don't know why exactly just that we're not losing as much this way. Maybe the cost of cows is up again. It worked out ok though because I was going to get out early anyway for a doctors appt. which is where I'm headed to at the moment. Justin got out from his job at lunch to drive me. Sometimes I hate only having one vehicle, other times not. Today is a day I hate it. For some reason he's turned the radio up loud, maybe cuz he has his window open? Lol! Well this is my second visit to the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor. Wonder what he'll say today. I get a CT scan first-what fun! Not! Lol! Wonder if he'll order an allergy test, or order more antibiotics? I guess I'll find out soon enough lol! It is a nice day tho. Maybe I'll get dinner out? Ttyl.

Hi there folks. There hasn't been much to write about recently. Life has been pretty much the same. Blah! Lol! I can post from my phone but I have to do with one finger even though it's a touch screen keyboard...my fingers are too big I guess! lol! I did post a poem on my other site, but I couldn't get a picture posted until I got on a computer I don't know how long we're borrowing this laptop but I'm enjoying it!

The price for having Thanksgiving day off at my job is: having to work the following Saturday. BOOOO!! At least we only worked 5.5 hours today. There is that much. Since we also have Monday off - we get an extra holiday a year and they give it to us on the first day of rifle hunting season, go fif. lol. But we'll probbly have to work next Saturday too because of that. Oh well, at least it'll look nice in the paycheck. Given the stress I was under today, tryig to catch all my product (damn knuckles anyway) and train my new hire...I am so ready not to go back on Tuesday. I wonder if Unemployment would except stress and insanity as a good reason to quit. Probably not. Of coure, when it rains it pours. Justin had pulled the engine in our blue dodge when the engine in our green dodge decides to go! So now he's trying to get the blue one back together so he can work on the green one. The green one was a gift from his parents, a truck he's wanted since a teen. Th...

Well, it is almost my birthday. 35 years on Sunday. Not sure how I feel about this. I know that it's just a number, but it's higher than it used to be! lol! Life has been eventful over the past two months. Justin's grandma decided that she had enough of fighting cancer and decided she wanted to come home to die. So that's what happened. She was home for a little over a week, we nursed her and made her as comfy as possible...and then she died. :( I know that she is with Jesus, but I miss her. My natural grandmothers died when I was young, I only have vague memories of my dad's mother...so Grandma Judi really was like a grammy to me. I'm glad that the animosity that was present when Justin and I first got together has disappeared, because I'd never have been able to get to know her at all otherwise. With Justin not having a job, and his unemployment being patchy at first, we fell way behind in rent and they wanted to evict us. Justin's parents ...

Well. Where to begin? I guess at the beginning. On March 23rd we had a snow storm here, and Justin and I were involved in a car accident on the way into work. We were ok, although the passenger of the other vehicle went to the hospital...a pain in her shoulder, though it might have just been an old injury that was aggravated. Anyway, our truck was stuck, the road ahead of us closed because of another accident so we didn't make it to work. Work wouldn't forgive the "point" for being absent and since Justin was maxed out on points, he lost his job. Things have not been easy. He hasn't found another job yet, though he hasn't been looking all that hard. We won't find out for a few more weeks whether he'll be approved for Unemployment...they have to figure out if it was a just firing or not. It wasn't, especially since it was a reportable accident. He wasn't told until the day AFTER that if he'd gone to the hospital to be checked out that...

Sigh. What a long week that was. I'm so beat. Of course, it doesn't help that I didn't sleep at all well last night and because Justin had to go to work, the alarm went off too early this morning and it took me forever to get back to sleep. Wednesday was the longest day because we had that storm and a lot of people called in. They made us work a full day anyway. We were in our easy grades almost all day, which equals slow and boring and cold. Packing meat is cold work anyway, but when you're not pulling that much a off the line, it really gets to you more. Mom had a macroplastique done yesterday at the hospital. The doctor injected chemicals around the top of her urethra in the hopes to puff it up to stop the constant leaking. She'll know probably by tomorrow whethe it worked or not, the nurse said she shouldn't be upset at any leaking still because she has to give those parts time to settle down from being poked. I hope it works because if it doesn't...

Well, I was in another waiting room today. This time for myself. Routine blood work to check sugar levels and such. I had to wait because the nice lady had to call the other office for the paperwork and orders. While I was waiting I read part of an article on the presidential office, I wish I had more time to have read it all because it was an interesting read. Sadly I don't even remember the name of the magazine. Anyway, it was about how much more the president has to deal with on a daily basis compared to earlier presidents. It has grown a lot in recent years. Just a few short years ago, we didn't even have a Homeland Security department to our government! It is a sign of our times, I think. Although I do wonder what has happened to the check and balance system our government was designed to have. We are so much busier than we used to be, and seldom achieve much of anything. I wish I was smart enough to design a solution for the president, and the one after that. Either the A...

It feels great to be writing again. I've written a few new poems recently, and posted them on my poetry website - or are scheduled to be posted, and I've even found some older poems that will be going up as well. BUT - I've also been looking at my short story Zion's Children again and just put up a new post . I got so wrapped up in reading the story and getting reaquainted with Miri and Byrin that I let my cup of coffee get quite cold! Of course, I'm not sure when the next post will be going up after this, but it feels so good anyway. Justin had to work this morning. Just a 6 hour shift...not even since he was home at noon, but he's gone again. Off to his parents to finish taking our red dodge off the road. Cleaning it out an such. And I think he was getting something else off his mom, a vacuum packer or something. idk. It's the first he'd mentioned it, I decided not to go, even though I've been bitching about how little quality time he spends with m...

So far, my new job is just that...a job. It is tiring, makes my bad knee cranky, and is cold. Of course, meat needs to be kept at a certain temp so it won't spoil. But it's not easy to work in it. I've bee there 2 weeks, and I've gotten a cold from it. Hopefully I'll get over it quickly and adjust. As long as I'm pulling that packages meat off the line, I'm warm enough. Since I'm new at it, I am actually working up a small sweat. Overall, I'm enjoying most of it. Sort of. I'm a "maroon hat"...meaning I'm a new hire just learning the job. Justin's dad, who also works at Cargill, has been talking with my line leader, a "blue hat" who's like an assistant supervisor...and he says taht she says I'm pushing myself too hard. ROFLMAO!!! Uhm...where has she been when the "white hat" (regular employee) has been rushing me!?!?!?! Sheesh. But since I can't do things half way, I am pushing myself ...

Not much been going on. Been loafing around while I wait for Taylor/Cargill to call. I was supposed to start next Monday, but I haven't heard anything yet. Trying not to worry, but my last paycheck from the Daily is this Friday...after that, nada! I've been watching a lot of Stargate SG1 on Netflix. Loving that! The feel of it changed in season 9 when Ben Browder took over for Richard Dean Anderson. I kind of like it a little better. But then I liked Farscape a lot, so I'm not surprised. I'm still warming up to Vala, her's is a harder character to read. She's cute though, that 'innocent - who me?' smile makes me laugh every time! I find the religion of Origin interesting. I can't help but wonder if it's meant to mock Christianity. I'm never quite sure. Perhaps it is the Catholic church? Idk. A lot of religions today focus on the deeds...live the right way etc...and ignore the saving grace of Jesus' blood. Track Change. The ...

Well. So much for loyalty! I worked for the paper for 4 years, and when I give notice that I'm quitting to start another job, instead of letting me work the two weeks out, the bastards up and fire me. Albiet with pay. Which is only right of them. I've been "free" for a week and a half so far, and won't start my new job until October. Talk about being at loose ends! Lol! Maybe I'll get out to the library more! Speaking of which...I'm gonna run and check the books out now! I'll be back! {If anyone comes here anymore.....well, even if not.....}

I can't believe I'm on a real computer. Justin's is still at the computer doctors, but today I'm at the hospital with Mom and they have a computer we can go on while we wait. Well, I'm the one waiting. She gets to go have a procedure done. Still trying to get rid of her bladder infection so she can have her knees done! Poor lady. Not much has been going on, or so I think. Probably if I had a computer in my home I'd be telling you all sorts of boring drama stuff from work and relationship venting. I wish I could get up earlier in the day so I could go to the library like I used to. That's how this all got started. I'm out of new books to read, and I don't know when I'll be able to buy my Amazon.com cartload, so I need to go to the library for other reasons. Of course, 75% of what I've got on order for 'someday' is stuff I've already read, already owned and lost. Ah well. I know there was at least one new book I was goin...

I had a Pampered Chef Party at my home Sunday. Only ten of the thirty some people I invited showed up. Not that any of them even bothered to RSVP. I wonder how many letters a month Dear Abby gets on that subject. Regardless of whether you're coming or not you should call the host and them her know your answer! Anyway. I did pretty well though. Got enough orders that I was able to get $90 worth of free products! Yay! I also got to order 2 items at half price. And got just enough orders to get a free apron as well! Very cool. The entire reason to do Party is the free stuff and the fun time. And good food. The funniest part was the party was crashed by the census taker...but that was ok because she ended up given me an order! I wish I could find a new job. I am getting so tired of the crap here. If it was just me and my perception, that would be on thing. But it's everybody. We all think the same thing about the same boss. But the higher ups won't even listen ...

Life changes ... whether I want it to or not! The biggest change I've had to make in my life recently was my diet. Not because I want to lose weight, although that's been a nice side effect. But because I had no choice. Not really. On March 12, I was diagnosed with diabetes. Not the end of the world by any means, though it was still a shock to find this out. I really shouldn't have been surprised, both my parents were diabetic. But it still requires change because I don't want the complications I've seen my parents have. So, I'm taking a natural OPC-3 suppliment - which I lovingly refer to as "Threepio" because all it is - is C3PO's name in a different order! I spent one whole week on a De-tox diet...which let me tell you is no fun at all! Vegetables and fruit...and that was it!!! But I've upgraded and can eat more things now. Chicken, Tuna, fish - I can have every day...Beef, pork twice a week...shrimp, oysters etc...twice a month! ...

Still alive and kicking, I promise. Been busy working hard for too little money and respect, aren't we all? lol! Justin just gave his 2 weeks notice at the paper, he's switching jobs. I'm trying to do the same. If I can, I'd love to get into the Practical Nursing Program at a nearby school. Ok, I've got to get back to work now.