Window Into My Reality

I just had an argument with my brother..about how people grieve. We were watching this stupid chick flick...and this one lady was burning clothing on her hubands grave...her way of closure...and he thought it was stupid and since my wound is still fresh and raw...I might have went off on him....I mean, everyone grieves differently...who he is to declare that one's way is "stupid"...I asked him if he's ever lost a spouse...to which he replied, "Have you?" Silence...he says, "I've broken up with people before...and I've had people break up with me before...get over it." So I asked him if he had ever had any one cheat on him, right in front of him. There was some swearing involved. NO ONE has the right to say "Just get over it to me. No Steven and I weren't married, and we weren't togther for a very long time. But ---- I'm ashamed to say this --- we did have sex. Sex creates that bond, whether Steve ever wanted to admit...

He was not faithful for even a month. On the brighter side of life...I am off for a four day break from work to spend the holidays with family. I hope he chokes on a turkey bone. Her too. Lazy slut.

No offense to my male readers...but...men are idiots. At least this ex-boyfriend of mine is. Before I realized that he left me for the other woman...I had asked him to move a bed with his dump truck for my Mom. I almost told him to forget about it...but the jerk owed me money. The idiot brought HER with him...even though I asked him not to...because he 'wanted to'...that was really mean of him. Actually ---- to both of us. Jerk. {{{refraining from using any "french"}}} But at least it's over and done with. Maybe now I'll quit throwing up. Please God...let the heaving stop.

Ashley is ok. Learned after I shut the computer down that her temp had returned to normal and that they sent her home with Mom and Dad. Whew! Not a clue what caused it...and to be honest the doctor was not as concerned as the kids thought he should be. A 4 year old doesn't go unresponsive just for shits and giggles. My mom [great-grandma] said that when she left the hospital that Ashely was sitting in her dad's lap and wanting to go home, but still wasn't herself. So the little girl still needs some prayer.

when is too much...too much Lord? please pray - my great niece Ashley was just taken to the ER - 4 years old, unresponsive, body temp 94*. One day last week, her temp was 104* but the doctor's gave her medicine to bring it down. Don't know if this is an adverse reaction to that, or something bigger. Today I was told that my breathing problems are actually 'nerve' problems and I was put on medicine for it. Now...one more thing to worry about. "Hear my cry O God...attend unto my prayers...when my heart is overwhelmed...lead me to the Rock that is higher than I..." Jesus.

I am such a fool. I found out the real reason why I got the "someday" speech from Boyfriend. It was effectively dumping me so that he could hook up with the other girl. I so wanted to believe him when he said there was nothing going on, that he didn't want her. I didn't stop to think that he was protesting too much. Another day older and wiser I guess. What a high price I've paid though. Good thing that God is in the practice of healing broken hearts...mine hurts a lot right now.

Instead of two by two! I had my mother howling with laughter this afternoon. After the noon news, the soaps started coming on and I made the comment: "Well, the soaps are coming on now...I guess I 'll go take my shower...see you at four." She laughed and said that it would be an awful long shower {she knows I don't like the soaps}. My reply was, "Yeah, well...I plan on shaving my hairs one by one." She howled!!! It was a fun moment. In other news: I lost being voted Employee of the Month by ONE vote!!!! Jery said that he was not happy about that and let the other manager type people know it at the meeting to decide to do these things. Sigh. Kind of nice to know that I lost by so little and that my boss didn't like it! Haven't seen the Boyfriend yet, or talked to him. But his Mom said that he tried calling me the other night...and I wasn't there...good!!! Now he might know how I feel!!! LOL!!!

For every person I find online that somehow encourages me......I think there are at least ten idiots out there who hit on me even though I say "NO - I ain't looking right now for anything other than friendship." FRUITCAKES!!!!!!!! Honestly, what man in their right mind would want a woman who is in love with someone else? FRUITCAKES!!!!!!!!