A hope and a future...a destiny?

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. ~ {thoughts can also be translated as 'plans'}

So said the Lord to me shortly before my high school graduation, one of the worst experiences in my life. Since then, whenever I have grown discouraged or in some way have gone astray...God has almost literally thrown this verse back in my face "Hello - girl - I haven't forgotten" so to speak. This time, He did it differently and my mind went back to the verse on its own.

To some degree, I have misinterpreted recent events - for example, I haven't lost my bestest friend like I thought I had. And I've allowed Man's opinion to outwiegh God's. Like I just told a friend, one of my biggest flaws in an almost instantious jumping to the wrong panicky conclusion - I don't do it on purpose! but I can't seem to change this either. And so I've gotten to the point of discouragement where I was literally wrapping myself into a numb coccoon. Given up. Lord, just take me home so I don't have to face this miserable world anymore.

Everything had shattered - is shattered. Everything I ever thought God had ever said to me regarding those plans He says He has, just shattered. That's how it looks to me and honestly still looks. When I listened to a tape of a sermon from a few weeks ago - regarding destiny - my response was one of anger, to the point of tears {it's a good thing no one else was one the bus with me, they'd have thought I'd completely lost it!}

"Destiny?" I thought. "I have no destiny. It's a lie, all a lie. I'm never going to be anyone or do anything of lasting affect. I'm nobody..." Etc. All the way home, almost 20 minutes worth of thoughts of this vein.

And then I picked up one of my books at home to read in an effort to make myself number, a Christian fantasy novel called "The Shadow Within" by Karen Hancock. And I found myself hit between the eyes as I found my Pastor's sermon there. I almost threw the book across the room.

The main character was basically in an underground church meeting and here were the words that hit mo so hard:

"They {{powers&principalities from Ephesians 6}} will hide in the shadows and the darkness, hoping you will forget they exist. Hoping you will focus on the pawns they send against you, instead. They will seek to wear you down, to fill you with fear, to get you to doubt your ability, your destiny, your very place in the Light.
"They will seek to keep you from using your power that is your heritage and rely instead on human power......
"You have a destiny. Do you know what it is? Are you willing to embrace it? Lay down your very life in its service? Or will you let your enemy hold you back with fears and illusions, keep you from trusting him whom you should trust above all others? He knows exactly what he is doing in your life, and he has everything under control. You know that, but do you believe it? Will you go forward in the direction he has led you and rest in the knowledge that he'll see you through it? Or will you back away?"

I could have screamed when I read that. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

And then later - as the main character is facing one of those nasty beasts that are prevalent in fansty fiction - God tells him to drop all his weapons and to just trust him. OF course our hero balks. Who wouldn't---you're standing in fron tof a fantastic beast with sharp teeth and claws and Gos wants you to do what? Drop your manmade weapons?? To face the enemy - with nothing.......And God says to him......"And that is the only way you'll walk through the door of your destiny, my son. You must trust me completely, no matter what sight tells you. Put aside your own ideas and plans and let me do as I wish with you."

Clay in the potter's hand.

Again I say - AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Perhaps all is not lost after all. Even though it feels it.

I know this was long, but it was something I thought important enought to share with y'all.