Window Into My Reality

The Princess in the Tower Part one: The room was quite large. The floor was mainly covered with marble tile and when the Princess paced, there was a rhythmic clicking sound that reverberated off the high ceiling. She should be happy - it was beautiful here, and she was well cared for. She ate the best foods, slept in a comfortable bed, and even had visitors everyday. Still, her heart was heavy. She could have anything she asked for here...except her freedom. "It is for your own good," she had been told, and was still told on the occasions that she dared to ask for a chance to see the outside world. "It is dangerous out there. There is evil. Surely you are not smart enough to protect yourself." And so she paced. On occassion, she would stop to stand at the window and stare out. In the distance she would see mountains...and cities...and farms... Unlike Rapunzel, her hair was short and she couldn't just toss it out the window. And there was no one at the bottom of ...

Having a great day so far...but then I slept in and so my day isn't that old!! I feel great though. There is nothing going on right now. We had a terrible storm blow through here yesterday morning while I was driving bus. I had one little girl tell me that she "saw thunder"...I couldn't find it in me to disagree with her. there were quite a few tree limbs down. You know the kind that blow off in these storms, small enough not to cause damage and big enough to be a nuisance if they fall in the road. I had to get out once and move a canvas tarp out of my way...I suppose I could have driven over it, but not knowing what was under it, I just couldn't do it. If I had just driven over it, there would have been something sharp that would slice something on my bus....you know how that goes!!!! Isn't it amazing how things can change? We weren't supposed to have a meeting last night...but when I called one of the other lady's to ask if she wanted to get t...

"Thinking of You" by: myself I think of you in the darkness of night When all has fallen silent and I am left alone I imagine your arms around me And can almost feel the warmth of your breath on my cheek I think of you in the brightness of day When life is busy and the world is rushing me along I imagine you pulling me aside Just to smile and tell me of your love I think of you when I pray When God bends His ear to me I ask for His blessings in your life And for His angels to protect you Wherever I am, whatever I am doing You are not far from my thoughts And I just wanted to let you know That I'm thinking of you.

Been busy this week - which is good. Emailing. Driving bus. Babysitting. Dog sitting. Staying out of trouble, which is a full time occupation. Reading. Even though all the meetings at church ended up getting cancelled this week and everyone I hang with is gone to a conference. Still busy. Which is good. Trying to put together a cool fictional blog entry but it's been noisy in the library this week. Have a few minutes now to work on it.

Oh my gosh. I saw "Valiant" last night,[[second and last date]]. That has to be one of the worst movies ever made. Sure it had a few funny moments, but I sure wouldn't want to see it again. No way, no how. You couldn't pay me enough. The best line in the entire movie was when the pidgeon Valiant said, "aren't you a little short for a nursing dove?" which reminded me of Princess Leia's line in Star Wars to Luke, "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper". I laughed so hard at that - I actually choked on my soda. Not much else to say about the date. We talked for about half an hour before hand, and I almost said, "I'm sorry I can't do this" but he'd already bought the tickets and so I was stuck. Afterwards, when he asked when he could see me again, I hedged and said I'd let his sister know. Actually, he tied setting up the next date before we'd even gotten started with this one. Like - plan our...

It's that time again. For Michele's weekend Meet-n-Greet. Some frown, but others gleefully play. Here's a question for all who visit here, whether on your own or from Michele's: Last night during a prayer meeting, I had a memory flash through my mind. More like the shadow of the memory. I was five years old or younger and I was begging my father for a peanut butter cake. I really wanted one, and even though I was interupting the adult conversation and probably being a regular brat...my Dad quit what he was doing to search for a recipe for a peanut butter cake...uhm, I don't think he ever found one so he made me a chocolate one with peanut butter frosting. This is probably the best memory I have of my father. So - what is your favorite childhood memory?????

And I don't mean your nose. School Days Blues: I have some pretty good kids on my bus. Sure - they're noisy and have a tendancy to hang out in the aisle and swing their coats around, but they're still pretty good. One of the little girls on the other bus had her feelings hurt this afternoon as they were going out to the busses and she started screaming. Not just crying, but screaming like someone had twisted her arm or something. Not a pretty sound. All because she couldn't go first in the line. And the sad thing is - they couldn't get her to calm down and she was still screaming like that when they put her on the bus. Kids Church: Awwww. they sang to me last night. Min baked a caked for me and did up a little card and had the kids sing, "Thanks and blessings to you" to the tune of happy birthday. I was quite touched. I mean, the kids are happy to see her come back, and sad to see me go...even though I'll still be serving as a back up. Thou...

Tonight is my last night teaching kids church on Wednesday nights. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I think it's been bothering me more than I would be willing to admit. It's not like I'll never get to see them again, or even teach them because we all go to the same church and I am going to be like a backup teacher for when Min can't make it. And can you believe - I've had three changes to my bus route in two days! Very frustrating. On one hand this is good because it's more mileage for the boss and if the boss is happy....u know. On the other hand...my routes are longer!!! It can get tiring sitting in that seat for over an hour. Of course, I'm getting a bew bus too - - - which has a radio in it!!! wooohoooo! Now once the kids are off, I can listen to Chip Ingram on the way home. Or at least half of it. Ok. checking email now.

I am feeling very insecure today, and don't feel like posting anything. I have nothing to say. Well, there's some anger, but like always it'll blow over. And there is some hurt. But will have to ignore it. I just can't handle it right now. Or I don't want to. The problem is - I don't even have words to describe what I'm feeling right now, because honestly I'm having a "Life sucks" kind of day. ok. maybe later.

Fluke is such a nosey booger isn't he? There where certain things that reminded me of my one brother's personality. And I saw another brother at my Mom's yesterday - - - and realized that there were some physical similarities to him [and therefore my father]. And......well......I realize this might be asking too much, but I'd really like to date a man who doesn't remind me of my brothers [or father] in - certain ways. I don't want to marry a truck driver...or a hunter...or a police office [which this guy was talking of doing]. There was also the mention of a time when he was taken advantage of by a woman...for his money...and I'm thinking "Great - - - another Tricky Ricky". The last guy I dated had similar issues. Of course, that guy had A LOT of issues...talk about being unable to please a person. I mean, I'm not rich...far from it. No - there was no booger picking...nothing gross that way. Well, he did mention that he was so nervous meeting m...

And the chickens did run! I was driving back from visiting my Mom earlier today...she lives waaaaay out in the country...like in no-man's land...and on the way back....I almost ran over some chickens. Dumb birds anyway. they were just in the middle of the dirt road...minding their own business...I stalled my car trying to stop in time...I mean hey, I don't want chicken blood on my nice blue car. Blech. At least I didn't see any deer or bear or anything. Whew. I did get to see my dog when I was at Mom's. She's quite the little porker! I can't have her in my apartment and she's been more Mom's dog than mine since I went to work and "abandoned" her...of course now she can't get enough of me. Dogs are strange. Little black mongrel that has some Pekinese in her. Can't help but love her. Ok. Time for more weekend game!! :)

I must be the world's most terrible person. Here I am, sitting in a restaurant with a nice person...and all I want to do is cut and run. He was very nice and for the most part their weren't too many of those conversation lulls...but for the life of me...he reminds me of one of my brothers {i've only got 5}. He's a bit older than me and yet there were times I felt like I was the more mature one...now that was wierd. I did agree to go to the movies with him next week, but I'm already regretting it...I just don't see anything coming from it...I might be surprised...I don't know yet. Now, I have a very wild imagination...and a few posts ago when Captain Picard was teasing me about being my chaperone for this date...I had this wild idea form....yes, I'm quite twisted. So - here's my thoughts on what it would have been like had the Cap been along for the ride. Ciera walks up the street, the captain her side and approaches Mr. Average Joe as he sits on the...

I've got like, 45 minutes left b4 I get to meet my date. I'm going to go in a few minutes, drive around abit........ pray ...... that my nerves will quit jungling. See you all tomorrow.

Well, as my loyal readers know...I have a date this afternoon. And since it is with a complete stranger, I'm a little nervous. I even went to my pastors yesterday afternoon and asked for some advice...I mean, they're "mom" and "dad" and I totally screwed up the last time I tried to date...although to be honest, he wasn't very honest. I only got to talk with Mrs. Pastor and she said, 'Keep your eyes open" Good enough. Pastor came in at the tail end and got in on the conversation and I think I've already screwed up some....cuz he asked if we were going with another couple...ooops, uhm...no...we're meeting at his sis's house and then going up to Doc's and I thought that would be safe enough/public enough. Although to be honest, his question made me feel protected and watched out for. I decided not to doll up for this, though. I'm dressed nice, I did curl my hair a bit with the curling iron, and that's about it. of co...

Egads! I just had a lady in here at the library and she was telling me that there's a water main break in town...and that I probably won't have water at home. She was telling me that no where south of the break has water...she listed off the different places...and I'm like...NO!!!! I mean, I haven't been home since 1...and then I was at the laundromat using the dryer [I had water at home for the wash cycle so it must've been a recent break]. It might not be fixed until morning. This is very frustrating.

Here is a "squirrel story" as my brother asked for. A brief background: a few years back, my Pastor was sick and we spent some time doing stuff just to encourage him and lift his spirits. I wrote two short stories for him, the second one had this squirrel in it. Pastor pulled a fast one and had his wife read it to the congregation the next Sunday. And the squirrel story was born. Here is one I wrote for him not to long ago, after he had problems with pidgeons roosting on the roof of the parsonage. The Other Side of Reality By: R.A. Slater Flock of a Different Feather “Stupid birds,” muttered Pastor Norm. “They’re messing up my new roof!” It was true. There were like seventy [ahem - - - three] birds on the roof of the parsonage. And they were all settling in for the night, doing their business on the nice new shingles. Pastor Sharon was working in the kitchen when she happened to notice her husband walking by the window with the water hose in hand. At first, she thought nothin...

But I forgot what it was...I do that sometimes...{{{grinning in chagrin}}} So - I found out something I did Tuesday night at the meeting that had my Pastor laughing...apparently it was so funny it will provide much laughter in the future for when he's down. I guess when I was called up for prayer...you know how the speaker is suppose to have your attention when that happens...well, I looked over at my group right before he got started, grinning like a fool, and the preacher moved my head with his hands to face him. I don't even remember what I was thinking when I looked over there...I must have heard their laughter or something [we were a very giggly group that night and by that time we were reaching bellylaughter]. It highly amused Pastor. What's even funnier, Pastor has a different interpretation of the look I gave than Mrs Pastor... I'm not going to be doing Kids Church anymore. the old teacher is going to come back and do it again [she had a baby]. I of course...

No really. So, ok. A group of us went to Aglow last night, a supposedly "Spirit-filled" women's meeting...only guys were invited this night. It was Pastor, Mrs. Pastor, my friend/mentor, Kimmie and me all in Pastors van. Hmm....what a combination. Lots of laughs there and back. At one point, Pastor was sharing how one of my emails had messed his computer up, don't know why -these computers here at the library are so protected from stuff, but anyway, he said that he thought it was one of the squirrel stories I had sent him [I write short stories with a squirrel in them just for his amusement]. So, conversation goes on, but I'm sitting here having a picture of my next squirrel story...one in which the squirrel gets in the house and messes up the computer. So I start giggling and my friend/mentor looks at me...so I tell her what I was thinking about...which sets her to laughing...and then I said, "I'm not right" And Pastor, overhearing, laughs a...

Same old stuff, each year. I am beginning to hate Headstart....too much paperwork and redtape. You'd think we'd have the same set of rules as school...well, we do...but we have more than they do too. It's just not right. I have to go home and get ready for meeting tonight. I'm riding with pastors to a Women's Aglow meeting...guys are invited tonight too...which is why Pastor's going. I hope I'm feeling better by then. Knowing my luck, there's a bunch of others going in the van and I'll get stuck all the way in the back...it'll be hot today...good thing I don't normally get carsick. I might end up going on a blind date. I'm not sure yet. My boss here at the library says to me today that someone had approached him to see if I'd want to be fixed uip with her brother and what did I think. What am I supposed to say??? "No, I've decided to be content as a nun for the rest of my life." [nothing against nuns, I just do...

As I was pulling up to one of my busstops, I looked up in my mirror and saw the student I was dropping off already out of her seat and coming up the aisle. This scared the crap outta me. I flung my hand out in front of her to stop her and commanded her to sit back down as I finished coming to the stop. I firmly told her that she had to stay in her seat and buckled until I told her otherwise. See, this is a four year old and so she doesn't know all the rules yet. I am hoping to have all the kids "trained" by the end of the first month. Hoping. I haven't done much today. I went back to bed after my morning run [still bothered by my sinuses] but I shoulda bit the bullet and stayed up. It's not like I actually fell back asleep, though. Just got all warm and comfy by the time I had to get back up. then I got up to the bus and realized I had forgotten that I needed to fuel it so for most of my run I was behind a whole whopping 5 minutes...but I was at school at the righ...

I just did this hidden talent thing I found on Shelley's blog. Here's what it said mine was. Your Hidden Talent You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices. What's" Your Hidden Talent? Hmmm...........................

What was I thinking when I agreed to work Sunday nights? I was out of my mind. I shouldn't be here. It's just not right. I feel wrong. I am going to miss most of prayer meeting next Sunday night :-( and I HATE missing prayer meetings!!! May the Lord grant me the favor to back out of this easily. Here's a question I can never ask my Pastor. I mean - never . "Pastor, do you ever wish I'd just go away and become someone else's 'problem'?" I would sooo get the 'over the glasses' look. I know it's an insecurity issue...but that doesn't always make the feeling go away. I admit it...I sometimes get scared that I am going to mess up so bad that they would stop loving me, or that they would want me to go away. I once said as much to Chief...and I have totally screwed that relationship up. I can't even look him in the face right now cuz I"m so embarrassed [not that it matters cuz he's not looking at me either!] - ...

Well...there goes the "noon" fire whistle...at 12:30. I really need to think more before I speak. Like...in farther advance too. As in - - how will my words today, effect people, situations, etc. tomorrow and the next day? Yeah, I said something not so bright again today...nothing major, but still...it frustrates me. And yeah - to agree with Chief, I don't know how to properly express my frustration. [And he was being nice about it.] I haven't had anything to eat yet today. I'll have to go home eventually and boil some eggs. I wasted gas last night. I went all the way over the mountain to Walmart to see if I couldn't return an item so that I could have money in case prayer is cancelled so we can pray onsite at a concert here in town tonight...but it was a piece of electronics that had a 'exception' to the usual 90 day return limit and so I couldn't. Drats. {I think that's a phrase that I can still use...maybe I'd better check the d...

"I spoke too soon" Well....sort of. Here's a brief rundown of my first 'drop off run' - u know, taking the kids home. I get all the kids on the bus, knowing that one girl needs to go to daycare, I automatically head for the one she went to last year...as I pull up, she says, "I don't go there anymore...I go to the new daycare..." Uh-oh. Now, this little girls a little more mature than the rest, so I believe her. I tried calling the other driver on the handheld radio to see if he was still at the center...no answer....tried calling the boss...no answer...I went back to the Center...no one could see the bus becuase of the ambulance, so no one could come out. So I cart the girl around the entire hour long route.........at the first stop, I sent a message through the mother to the Center....and then there was a bee on the bus!!!! I killed it, superhero that I am. One girl wants to "swing from the chandleirs"...if the bus had them. Oh m...

Today is the first full day of busdriving for me. This is good, mostly. This means I'll be back on a regular schedule four days out of the week [we generally don't have school on Fridays, except for today]. Hopefully this odd stretch of days will help me get back into the habit of getting up earlier...and it would be great if I could get up earlier than I had to so that I could do stuff, u know. I'm having trust issues right now. Especially with my church's leadership. If my pastor says words that make me believe something that isn't true, isn't that lying? Of course, for some reason I've never quite understood, leadership can get away with that kind of stuff...to a degree...I mean, look at Aaron from the Bible - he lied about how the Golden Calf was formed. I don't understand it...must have something to do with the anointing thing...King Saul was another one...he kept his kingly authority even though he left God's walk in a big way. A lie is a lie i...

Yeah. I guess I'm hiding. I've started a new blog and am going to keep in a secret from my friends. Of course, I also have reason to believe that my old one was being used against me. I should be allowed to have one place where I can be comepletely transparent for a while...even if I get angry and vent...I mean, sometimes I need to here/see what I'm saying for the full impact of how wrong my attitude is to hit me. Did that make sense? It does to me. yeah, this is a public place, and I might watch my words a little more carefully. But I am stupid enough to feel safe here in bloggerland. I mean, my brother will get this new address because I know he cares for me and isn't too offended at the warped struggles of me his sister. And I don't think it bothers Fluke Stabucker and Cpt. Picard too much either, or any of the others that have left comments. Good Lord, I am sooo warped. On the bright side, that's truly nothing unusual in this day and age, even in the church....