Window Into My Reality

First and foremost...Yes, I am still alive. I'm waiting for the spaghetti to get done so that I can go to bed. I have to be back into work at 9...even though I worked until 10p tonight. It's not "life or death" work accorcding to the one supervisor...but the other one seems to disagree. The job must get done...even if I keel over in the process apparently. They just send me one job after the other and expect it all to get done and have a cow if it's not. If I weren't going back to nights, I do think I'd walk away. We started going from Computer To Plate recently, so it ought to be easier to get crap done. And I also get to go back to nights...eventually. 'Some time' after Thanksgiving is what I've been told. Christmas might come sooner. It'll be nice to be on a closer schedule with Justin. Sometimes I feel like all we get to do is say "Hi" and "Bye" to each other. That's middle of the week, but time on the

And may it never happen again. I have loosened up somewhat the past several years. Still high anxiety most of the time, but I've lost some of my "I can't be a Christian and do this or that..." mentality. Some would say that I've backslidden...to some degree, yes....but largely no. My spiritual state is just no longer as "public" as it used to be. If anything I've "stepped back" to re-evaluate some of my beliefs. The core of those beliefs remain unchanged. Anyway, I started drinking alcohol about 3 years ago. I used to shun the stuff because I was afraid of becoming an alcoholic. I decided I was tired living in fear of what "might happen". I know when to stop drinking...because I refuse to become so impaired that I can't control my actions. I don't mind if Justin drinks, so long as he never scares me or breaks anything, or pees my bed again [what a morning that was!]...those aren't die hard rules, because I'm well

I don't care what anyone says - just because I live in a trailer, in a trailer park, does NOT make me trailer trash. Sad to say, you can find "trailer trash" in some of the most expensive mansions. The world needs to stop looking at the superficial. The outside trappings. What a person looks like....what they wear...how they sound even....where they live...what their abode looks like. So this trailer isn't going to be much help if a tornado sweeps through...what house is? Seriously. No I don't have a storm shelter...but while we've had tornadoes here before, they're not that often. I was a teen living with my parents the last time this town had one. And that was during the day - I'd be at work...poor Justin would be home and in bed. He'd probably be out in the storm, the goofball...I wouldn't put it past him to try to ride the tornado...oh, who was that? Pecos Bill? I don't remember that tall tale. If a storm were to come at nig

Yes Jean-Luc, The Visitation is a favorite book of mine. While it is fiction and not Gospel...there's a lot of Gospel truth in the book. The scene: a hardware store, a few days after the angel sitings have started and the crucifix started weeping. The players: Travis Jordan and the owner, Matt Kiley. Matt was a Vietnam vet who came home paralyzed. Of course, people were urging him to go down to the Catholic church to touch the crucifix to be healed of his disability. Matt's a little disgruntled with it all. "Like all I have to do is look up at that crucifix and believe, and that'll do it." A little later on, he says to Trav - "Funny. I made some friends at the VA hospital, I've met some other folks in wheelchairs, and we got along fine. They never told me to go down and look at some crucifix or wash in some special kind of water or say some kind of magic prayer words. It's always the walkers who know what you need." Now - do not get me wrong. I b

I'm presently reading The Visitation by Frank Peretti. Again. I've lost count of how many times I've read this book over the years since I bought it. Had to have been...yeah, not sure. It was released in 1999, but I know I didn't get it until it had been out a while. Overall I'm a fan of Peretti's writing...although there have been a couple I got so into that I couldn't go to sleep with the lights out afterwards! This one isn't one of those, although I'm definitely into the book. Each time I read it, I discover something new....understand bits and pieces better. I've been putting this reading off for a while. Can't really explain why. My eye had fallen on it a few times since unpacking my books at the beginning of June...but no, I had to read three other series first [for the curious: Firebird Trilogy, Prairie Winds Trilogy, Legends of the Guardian-King series] But when I was placing the last book on the shelf, I went ahead and grabbed Visi

Here it is...my 400th post! I think I'm going to be fired from Company Apprentice this week. After all, I was the one in charge of my team this week...and we lost...again. Of course, it goes without saying that the judge is slanted to the other team, he admitted as much in one of the comments from last week. Whatever. I know I'm a great writer. Just because my posts on the blog contest have sucked, doesn't mean anything. I don't know how the others do it, but apparently I just can't balance real life and a pretend reality contest. I mean - I work 40 hours a week...I have chores to do...I have a boyfriend who hogs the computer on his nights off and won't let me on [well, it is his computer! lol!] Thursday night we spent 6-7 hours at my mother's doing laundry. I didn't have time to go online and work on a story. It would have been nice, but I was exhausted and in sore need of sleep. So my post wasn't what I wanted. My teammates posts weren't

Well, I've survived another birthday. It was a wretched day as well that started out with me realizing that we were out of brake fluid again - therefore no brakes...and me standing in the pouring rain in the lower parking lot of the trailor court filling it back up. And still almost wrecking on the way to work, again. And it didn't get any better from there. But...if any of that flour that Mom has stockpiled is any good, I'm gonna bake this weekend..............................I'll be sure to bake myself a cake!

I just realized that my character that I write on one of my other blogs , is a Red Sonja type. I honestly had no idea. Never heard of her until Koma made a crack about it in one of his posts over at Company Apprentice ...and I just had to look it up to see what the heck he was talking about. It was an intersting read, to be sure. I even found a few good pics I could use too. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. It's not like she is Red Sonja...just happens to dress kind of like her and has red hair. The story line is completely different. Once this reality blog is over, I'll be able to get back to Ciera. I created a new character - "Lt. Hawk-Eyes" - and I have no idea how he really fits in yet. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing either...just gonna stretch my creativity a bit. Like this realiy blog thingy is. Sheesh, it's almost more stress than what it's worth. At least I'm not up for being fired this week, even though

I think I take my writing too seriously. Or myself. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I agreed to participate in "The Company Apprentice" - one of those blog reality show contest thingies. I was far too sensitive during the last one, and have been trying hard to write drivel so that I'm not attached to anything that might draw criticism. Bennett is a notoriously critical person when it comes to judging others, and so I must have been freaking nuts when I said yes. Sometimes I am to damn sensitive for my own good. Who is Koma that I ought to be upset that he's calling my character Ciera a she-devil and banshee. All in good fun to keep people reading I suppose. But still, I know that character and she's not that way. At worst, on these reality blog show things, I tend to potray her as a flirt and such, but she-devil? That's almost as bad as Koma thinking I'm actually a guy pretending to be a girl online. That and either this computer or facebook is g

I am so blessed. Sometimes I have no idea. Right now, Justin and I have $2 to our name, I need girlie supplies, we need TP and food...but I have a man who is tenderhearted and I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. He trusts me enough to let me see his tears. Justin's friend Mo was up for a week, and spent the entire time with us. It was wierd at first, since I didn't know Mo that well, but once the ice was broken things were fine. We chatted and played Runescape while Justin was at work and. The only glitch in it all was that I was ignored a lot when Justin was home. I took it well, after all this is his best friend and he never gets to see him, so I womaned up and let him have his fun time with his friend. After all, Mo was only going to be here for a week. And he did go home today, Justin took him over there to his grandma's...spent too much time there given that he still had to come home and get sleep before he goes into work, but he was trying to get

Well...Todd claims he was trying to be witty. uh-huh...ok. We'll buy that for now, especially since he did apologize and suggest that we start over. Good idea. Don't trust him one bit, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Ok. It's late and I'm going to bed.

When I joined Facebook, I received a couple of greetings about 'welcome to facebook fun'. I had no intention of Facebook being a replacement for this blog...I was not going to share anything deep there, just going to keep it light and fun...maybe reconnect with some people from high school.... Well. So much for that thought. I posted some pics that I had taken of Justin with my cell, to show people what the goofball looks likes because I've got friends who've never met him and my fifth grade English teacher was like, "Who's Justin?" So I got his brilliant idea to do a little facebook post about who he was--and in the spirit of keeping it light I made a comment that he was going to kill me when he got home and discovered that I had broken our last glass drinking cup but oh well because that's how the cookie crumbles...and this freakin' idiot from high school makes this 'deep' comment about 'breaking glass, cookies crumbling: destructive

I was looking through an old journal last week, and couldn't help but notice how hung up I used to be on my dreams. I dunno, maybe it was my 'dream journal' for all I can remember now. Do I believe that God can and does speak to people [me] through their dreams? Absolutely! The dream I have below is an example of that...and one worth remembering as far as I'm concerned. Something I've found as I've been going through old emails. It's dated Sept. 19, 2006. I dreamt about Jesus this morning. About what it might have been like to fellowship at a meal with Him. I know that it wasn't like the bible times, but He and His disciples where sitting around a picnic table at the shore...there was a bonfire going. Some of the people around the table were His disciples from then...some were people I knew from today. I remember peaking around the corner...watching the fun and listening to the laughter...being jealous because Mary Magdalen was out there...and then Jesus

Here's something funny that I read in one of the paper's that I plated last week: "The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He aquired his size from eating too much pi." author unknown I have two more, but I'm too pooped to find them. I think I'm going to bed early.

I must be mad. Truly. I just signed up with Facebook. Like I don't already have enough to do! LOL! Not much going on tonight. Catching up on internet stuff. Haven't gotten to MySpace yet. I forget about that sometimes. Good luck with facebook then huh? I had to remind myself to be grateful tonight for having a job. It's not that I'm not grateful that Monika took the layoff and I got to go back to work. It's not even that I dislike my job. I just don't like going in anymore. Oh well. Like I said to God, I'll get over it. Part of it is the wierd hours, but as Jerry said tonight that's only for a couple more months. He's not even sure what will happen when we go from computer to plate, but he doesn't think they'll eliminate another person....can't lose too many more! I fell in the bathtub Sat. morning. Banged my side up...HUGE black and blue mark...and I'm really kind of achy. But at least I didn't break a rib or an

I am disturbed. Upset. Out of sorts. Grossed right out. I try not to post twice a day, because that just seems too much to me. But I have to talk to someone now. Even though you can't talk back. I have to vent. I just chatted with a cousin of mine. BLOOD RELATION cousin. No steps, no halfs, no inbetweens. And I'm pretty sure he was coming onto me. He says he was joking....two paragraphs after saying how he would have done me at Easter time...and later telling me how he wished we'd had the chance to fool around when we were younger. Ok, I did a lot of naughty things when I was younger [read - a kid still] that I regret. But I've gotten over it. I've laid it all out to the Lord, I know He's forgiven me, and it no longer haunts me like it used to. Like Justin says "You were young. So what." But, anything naughty between me and this cousin would NOT be on my conscience because he's the one that's older. And unfortunately, whatever hap

This is my late night. I don't have to work tomorrow, so I drove the truck home and will go back to get Justin about 4am...unless he calls me to come early. They were having press problems when I left, so I'm thinking that's just not going to happen. I was just chatting with a friend on AIM and was telling how on the weekends I slip back to Justin's sleep schedule. After all, it used to be mine as well! I did get one thing accomplished last night. I went through all the poems on my poetry blog and got them all labeled. Very cool. I forgot how good my poetry can be. Of course, it put the spark in me for another poem. I might work on that later. I have no idea if I'm going to get any of Justin's attention this weekend or not. I tried so hard Thursday afternoon but he was busy doing stuff online. Whatever. One of the tires on the truck is going soft :( which is always a bummer. I guess they all need to be replaced for it to pass inspection though. And a bumper

That I sit here and wonder. Wonder what, I don't know exactly. Too many things all at once...maybe that's why I get headaches...lol! Aw, I just sit here bored. Justin is at work and it's just me and the stupid cats and they're not very good company. I've done the dishes, all that remains is to dry them and put stuff away. I suppose I could sweep, but I don't feel up to it right now...ok, I just don't want to. Maybe later. I have answered emails, could probably go through some of the archived ones. I've phoned a few old friends. Talked over an hour with the one. I'll probably just do what I'm doing now...sit here and wonder and think while I cruise the net. I might pull out some stories and work on them. I have to check my bank account, see if my check's gone in. Although since Justin forgot to take my debit card with him, it's not going to put gas in the truck unless he speeds home on lunch. I wonder if he'll call me like

Hey! I've done moved again! Justin and I have been in our own place since June 1st...we just got our internet up and running. I still haven't found everything packed away from last time yet. Go fig. More later, I have to go to bed.

Well, I was laid off for what...two weeks? Give or take. I was called back to work yesterday afternoon. The only thing is...it's going to be dayshift because Monika is going to take the layoff instead. I'd rather work nightshift in the mailroom than dayshift in the plateroom...just because I like nightshift better. It has nothing to do with the people, it's that the work is different and to be honest....I'm a night person! I don't like getting up early. Oh well. Maybe they'll let me switch back before too long. I mean we are going to be changing things in the plateroom which means that they won't be needing quite the same coverage. Part of the reason I was laid off to start with...only part of. In other exciting news...Justin and I should be moving into our own trailer sometime this weekend, or early next week. Yay! It's going to suck with us working different shifts, but we'll figure it out. I've been working on fowarding myself pic

I feel crowded. And bored. Four people in a three bedroom trailor is too much. Not going to write much, as I'm going to bed shortly. I'll only be there for about an hour and then Justin will have to get up and go to work...he's been on dayshift all this week and hasn't that been interesting. I can't wait until we're almost on the same sleeping schedule again. So I'm going to go try to sneak in and not wake him.

Never a dull moment I said, right? Sigh. I was laid off from my job last night. I'd been there about 45 minutes when Jerry came to get me. I knew that we were probably going to lose a person in the plateroom because we're going from computer to plate later this summer and I just didn't think it would be me because between me and Monika I'm the more computer savvy. It didn't help that she's been there 30 years and I've only been there 3. What also bites bigtime, is that she's the one looking for another job!!! WTF?!?!!!!!! Brian and Jerry did say that when there's an opening available that I can come back. I don't think it would be to the same position as they're bringing Tina back from days as she's the only other one who knows everything I do. But then again, who knows? I'm the person with the least amount of complaints when it came to crooked plates. If we still have to punch the plates, I'm still better at that than e

At least there hasn't been in the past couple of weeks, though my boyfriend probably wouldn't agree. I went away for Easter to my aunts, and I left my vehicle at home and drove mom's since I was technically taking her up there. On Sunday, I was at my aunt's alone because Mom wanted somene to stay with the 2 dogs so they didn't go all seperation anxiety on us. I texted my boyfriend, not thinking that he was even up yet. He called me shortly after that, telling me how he was borrowing the truck and how my brother had freaked out because he thought someone was stealing the truck. I have no problem with Justin borrowing the truck, although I would like him to get his license taken care of - but that's another story. I come home Monday, Justin picks me up - telling Mom and me how he's probably going to be in big trouble with his parents because he didn't go home at all Monday morning after work [we're both nightshifters]. We figure he's right, a

Such as they are. Nothing has changed with the car situation....I still don't have one. I got my car back from the mechanic - and it lasted maybe two weeks, if that. I've been getting rides to work mainly with my one nephew, sometimes my brother. I get rides home either from Burg or Austin, sometimes Tempy. Very tiring, especially since I still owe for the initial repairs. My sister flew back in from Texas this week, causing all sorts of family drama. Apparently she is about two months late, she should have came back in December [there was a court order] so she's lost sole custody of AK. I guess we knew what we were talking about, Mom and I. She didn't even have a lawyer and Adam's had one since she left. Things are slow at work. Not really good. I hate having nothing to do. It means I've either got to clean something or go out into the mailroom. But then again, Tina just sent down a whole bunch of notes that I've got to sort through. They just fi