Thursday, July 31, 2008

Post 365

Post 365 is just to say - It's my birthday!

I'm not sure if I'm happy about it yet or not. I'll let you know later!

Monday, July 28, 2008



Mom got rid of her catheter last week. Yay! She has to go back Tuesday for another check up though, and depending on how that goes, she might be going to see Cliff and fam sometime after that.

Liston is still in denial over - well, everything. He's even managed to loose his most recent job. No telling on what he plans on doing next.

I really am supporting 3 people on my really kind of sucks. Thank God for what Mom gets each month to meet her bankruptcy and mortgage payments.

Work is its ever interesting dramatic self. We might be without a nighttime supervisor - again. This is the second one, well third if you count Christina's attempt, in the 2 years that I've been there.

Paige, my so called best friend hasn't returned any of my emails in over a week. I know she just had a new grandbaby, but she could at least call. Especially since their car is still in my name and they still owe me money for the last payment. I've threatened to drop it from my insurance if it isn't taken care of soon.

I'm still depressed. I have my happy moments....but then life weighs me down. It's my birthday again this Thursday. 32. And the things that have changed since the depression started at 29: *I no longer go to that church, ok, I don't go anywhere right now; *I no longer have my own apartment and live back at home with Mom; *I no longer have the same friends, I don't think I have any 'close' friends left; *My car doesn't work right now and I can't afford to get it fixed as I wasn't allowed to spend my Economic Stimulus Check as I wanted. Everything else is still the same. I've just lost the will to live beyond the moment, and even that is a toleration of the burdens I bear. I no longer hope for a happy future, I just long for release.

Monday, July 14, 2008

What A Week

Mom came home Friday afternoon...with a catheter still in her. Apparently, her arthritis medication has been causing her kidney's to swell and has been the source of her problems. Took them long enough to figure this out. I think they're also going to test her thyroid. That's a family problem, her sister has problems with her's and she said that sometimes that comes with urinary/bladder problems. I have no idea how long she'll need the catheter.

My brother who had the milktruck accident 6? years ago has broken his bad leg again...the leg never healed as strong as it should have, and he keeps breaking it near the knee. He's joked about just having them take it off, but I don't know whether that will be something that will happen or not.

My other brother admitted to me the night before Mom came home that the reason why he treats me like shit is because he's sexually attracted to me. ????????????? Somehow apparently it's my fault and so that justifies his treatment of me I guess. I have run the entire gamut of emotions over this...shock, disbelief, disgust, depression, anger...blah blah blah...I just don't know about this. Somethings a family just can't shake and apparently along with alcoholism, inapproriate sexual attractions is one of my family's...Oh joy...I encouraged him to get counseling, whether he will, I don't know. I think it would be best for him if he were to move out - after all he is 24, and since I'm the one that's been volunteered to be Mom's caretaker....although I have begun seriously to think about moving back out regardless...

Of course, if I do that...I'll be labeled as selfish and uncaring for my mother. I can almost bet on that. I might be wrong on that...I'd love to be wrong on that. But unfortunately, my family lives by that damned code of silence that goes with this kind of crap.

I almost had a date Sunday. Well, I did have a date, but I broke it. I met a guy that I thought I might like to get to know better, aside from being kind of cute, he did look like he might be a gently when he called and aasked if I wanted to go out, I said sure...and then the conversation got interesting. I was asked to spend the night, whether I wore pj's to bed and whether I liked to watch dirty movies or not. Huh? We're only going on a date...not getting married. Sheesh. I'll probably be accused by mutual friends that my standards are too high...but oh well - I'm just not that lonely yet!

I'll try to get back to my story and my alter ego soon...but my what a long week it's been...I'm going to bed...{by myself!}

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

No Time Now

Mom is in the hospital again.

more later.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

I think that says it all. Happy 4th my fellow Americans!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


Liston washed a load of clothes too close to the tiem I had to it used up the water and I couldn't shower and I missed my PT appointment because I just feel too yucky to just wash up and go onthat through both PT and then work. Blech! My face just feels so greasy...I've got a pimple in the crease of my nose...I think I hate those the worst...and one along the temple. My period's over and done with for a few days now, so perhaps it's just the hot and humid weather. Or maybe I'm just going to have a pimply week.

I can't believe they voted Nepharia off of LGS3. They're mad, I tell you. Apparently you have to be nuts or just plani suck to stay alive on that. I hope they didn't vote her off because of my brat attack. I didn't post anything there except those two comments on the post...I kept everything else here on the bitch and vent blog. We've exchanged a couple emails and we made up, which I referenced in the second comment I left. I hope I hear from her again, I really kind of like her. ~ As much as one can 'like' a Sith Lord! LOL!

What is up with the flies biting my ankles? Mom says it's a sign of a storm coming. Which wouldn't surprise me really, because it's that hot yucky weather that usually spawns thunderstorms. But this has been going on for, like, two days now. It did rain yesterday...well, not in our little dip in the hill, but it did rain around us. Maybe some will hit us today?

My mind has been working overtime on my fiction sites...I think I'll have to alternate posts to help keep things straight, at least in my own mind. Next post will have to be on Zion's Children then...give me a couple more days.

Sometimes I hate waiting for things in the mail. I'm waiting on 4 boxes of new the rate I use checks anymore, they ought to last me a good year or so, if not more. So, with that in mind, I splurged and got a design on these. Butterflies. Because I like butterflies ~ they make me happy. I'm also waiting on a new coffee pot I'm getting through Gevalia. It comes with a carafe and a traveling mug and 2 packages of their flavored coffee. I probably won't stay enrolled in that for long....this was a good deal, all taht stuff for a little over $20...but any other time, their coffee costs an arm and a leg. But it's sooooo good! I got French Vanilla flavor and Chocolate Raspberry. I've gotten them before so I know that I like them ~ I didn't feel like venturing out of my comfort zone this time. Maybe later.

All right. I've got to get ready for work soon, and I'd like to look at a few blogs other than my own and I still have to figure out what I want my character's Byrin's next thoughts to be. Do I keep him focused on his work, or is this one of those moments when his mind wanders to the pretty Miri? I haven't decided yet...

Y'all have a good day! :)