Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Thoughts

Just rambling tonight.

Our hours are dropping off at work.  Which is both good and bad.  It's good because 45+ hours a week gets old after a while, so exhausting especially in 40 degree weather lol and it's also good because my lokcing fingers don't lock quite as often or as hard as they were.  Well, they don't hurt as much anyway lol! And it's bad because those paychecks were awful dang nice!  Like everyone else, I need the money honey!  Especially since Justin's main 'job' is playing Halo Wars all the time.  At least he's begun helping do some chores around the house...'women's work' my ass!

This is sad.  I think all day of stuff that I want to write and blog, and then I get here and I'm just like "Blah" and there's nothing there.  Of course, Justin's moved his Xbox in here so it's not quiet anymore.  But the flip side of that is that I can go to sleep without having to listen to him playing.  I could do without his music, but it's not overly loud so I'm not going to say anything...it's just hitting that menstrual nerve lol

There's a whole nightmare in and of itself.  Ever since the beginning of October, my period's been totally whacked (sorry guys). It could be any number of things, from my thyroid being off - as usual - to fibroid tumors!  Oye!  Well, the thyroid meds were upped and there's been no change.  I've had a pap and that came back normal.  So what we did now, that I'm waiting for the results of, was an ultrasound.  And I go see and endocrynologist next Friday.  I mean, seriously, I've been bleeding for close 2 weeks this time around.  Like last time.  Time before that was 3 weeks.  I don't have to money to spend on this stuff!  Very annoying.

Christmas is coming and sadly I think we're going to have to be lean on the gifts this year.  I know that's not what Christmas is about, but it's still bothers me.  Especially since I know there are people out there that have gotten me gifts that I'm not going to be able to reciprocate.  :/

I guess that'll be all for tonight.  Now that I've found my computer chair again, maybe I'll be posting more often! lol

ttyl.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Cowardice

I am sometimes, often, disgusted at my own cowardice. My inability to say what I'm really thinking, or feeling, about a matter to the person involved.

If I could, I would say to the company doctor treating my locking fingers...seriously, it's been almost a month, they're not getting better in fact it's been getting worse since I started getting treatment and therapy; you have not taken me off my job, so my fingers aren't getting the break they need. And the medicine you've prescribed, which is supposed to be better than ibuprofen...SUCKS! I am in more pain since starting it and experience more swelling.

To my red hat (supervisor), who isn't really my red hat and only a substitute, who wants me to bring in a doctors note to verify that I'm actually going to the doctors Monday afternoon...even though I'm not leaving until last break, so a note really isn't required: seriously man, not all doctors appointments can be scheduled in advance. Some things can only be done while the conditions are right and given how unpredictable my body is at the moment, it's best to do things as quickly as possible before I start bleeding again.

To my friend, who can't go to the store by herself, what is there to say? Grow up! Yes you've done a lot for me, and I'm grateful beyond words...but I get so tired of feeling like I'm holding your hand just so you can go to the store. And your boyfriend isn't committed to you if he can't move back in and share expenses...he's only there for booty. I don't care that he's co-owner of a farm, if he loved you and was committed to you, he would be doing something more than 'date night' three times a week. And don't ever tell me what to have for dinner when I've already told you what I was eating...already fixed and simmering in the slow cooker...

I am so disgusted that I let her do that..."I'm going to eat a bowl of chili and be over," I said to her. She only lives across the yard; got to love trailer parks. It would have been maybe ten, fifteen minutes. "No, you know what, I've got leftover spaghetti in the fridge. Come on over now and you can have that." Really? And yellow belly me just said, after looking longingly at my chili, sighing only in my head, "Ok."

I don't know. Like I said, I'm so disgusted with myself recently. Maybe I'll grow a spine someday.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

What a day!

I hate when something that should only take a short time, suddenly blossoms into an all day affair. Ok, it was only 4 hours, but still it should have been shorter. Ah well, I guess that's the price we pay for friendship sometimes. I shouldn't complain I guess...I did get taken to the places I needed and was treated to lunch, but it wasn't the plans that I had for the day. Which mainly involved staying home, playing on the computer and hanging with my man.

Yes, this friend is a great help to me...going above and beyond really. But at the same time, she asks for help she doesn't really need. She wanted me to stay and help her put some weather stripping around her door. All I did was cut one piece and throw the trash away. She did 99.9% on her own. Idk sometimes.

She asked for my help again tomorrow, taking an air conditioner out. Which I'm more than willing to do...I just wish it could have all been done today. Sometimes I just want to stay home.

It's been long. At least I wasn't at work! I got to sleep in. Warm and cuddly. I can catnap in the mornings after I wake up, something I guess Justin's not able to do. I'm not sure if that's really a good thing to do, but it feels good at the time! lol!

Gonna keep this short as I want to go be with Justin for a while.

ttyl.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Suspense

The suspense is killing us! Ok, it's not quite that bad. But close.

I mean really, today was Thursday...and they still aren't sure if we're working this Saturday or not? Someone is certainly playing their cards close to their chest. How lame.

Not much interesting is going on at the moment. I only get on the computer a few times a week, I hop between working on my Zion story from my other website and my Dragon Dream story. I don't know if that's good or not, the hopping, but since I'm not into new material yet, it's probably 'ok' lol!

Well, I did do an online application for Justin. Since he won't do them himself. Not that I can overly blaim him. They seem to take longer online for some reason. I only did the Kmart one and that took about an hour. The Dollar General one said that it could take from 30-60 minutes and since it's already 7pm and I want to relax some more before bed, I decided that could wait until tomorrow! Lol

I've started reading the Wheel of Time series from the beginning in anticipation of the last book coming out in January (if the world doesn't end first!) I know I'll lose interest at about book 7 or 8, but if I can press through it becomes interesting again lol! I can't believe how long they let Jordan drag the series out, but at least they found someone decent to finish up for him, seeing how he died first :( Ah well

Off for the night. ttyl :)

Friday, September 21, 2012

Caught Up?

Oh my!  A two day weekend!  We haven't had one of those since Labor Day weekend...which was supposed to be a three day weekend, but of course we had to work on Saturday.  But not this weekend!  We're free!  Caught up enough on the cows that have been killed.  Wonder how long it will last.  I did NOT mind the PAY...the overtime rocked!  I am going to miss that part.  But not the actual hours!  lol!

I've got a wedding to go to tomorrow, so it is a blessing that we have it off.  My cousin Kathy's son is getting married, which for that branch of the family is usually a once in a lifetime deal.  I haven't met the bride yet, but that's ok.  I'll meet her tomorrow.

It's sad when your cellphone works better and faster than your computer!  lol!  Oh well. this is better than nothing!  Off to write in my dragon story.

ttyl :)

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

We will see

So, I have a computer again. Sort of.  It's a tower that Justin's mother gave us.  I'm not sure about it, but it seems to work.  SLOW.  But it works and that is all that matters!  (we'll see how long it lasts! lol )

So, I'll be able to blog again.  Write some poems, shorts stories maybe.  Blog boring tidbits of my life.

Like how I had to fill out paperwork today to document that my fingers like to lock up at home.  It's not like Cargill is going to do anything about it.  I'm still on the same job, for the same length of time.  No rotation at all.  Like there should be.  I do get to hot wax my hands on every break - the right one on first and last break and the left one on lunch break.  And I'm supposed to do hot and cold water contrast baths here at home.  My sinks aren't even free because nobody does dishes! lol!

And that's about it.  Gonna sign off to go have dinner at a friends.  Trying out sloppy cheeseburgers.  They sound good.  But her boyfriend didn't like them and she's getting a second opinion!  lol

Catch y'all later!  :)

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Memorial Day

It is never a bad thing to stop and remember those who fought and died for people they never knew.  Without their sacrifice, who knows what kind of country we would live in today.  Granted, we are not a perfect country.  But we are a free country.

I have never had a family member, that I am aware of, actually die in combat.  But I have had plenty serve in one branch or another.  My sister Glenda was in the Army Reserves; she served in Honduras, and the Gulf War.  My brother-in-law Larry was in the Air Force; I don't think he served during combat but I know he was stationed in Japan for a time, as well as various U.S. bases.  My Uncle Eddy, who passed two February's ago, also served in the Army and was stationed in Japan, and Guam.  My Great-Uncle Larry was also in the military, but Mom can't remember for sure what branch.

I am so grateful for ancestors long ago who fought and died so that today I could sit in my kitchen, typing on my borrowed laptop, without fear.  Police will not break into my home because I've broken some silly law, like cutting my hair short or wearing pants (capri's really), and I can sip my lukewarm coffee while the air conditioner hums and Justin plays X-box with a thankful heart.

They did not die in vain.

Friday, May 25, 2012

YEAH baby!

Well, what a relief!  Even though we have Monday off, we don't have to work tomorrow so we get a three day weekend...the MAP room is not as lucky :(  Of course, there's nothing saying that they won't make us work next Saturday to make up for it, but that's not here yet so this girl is NOT going to worry about it!

That's actually one thing I like about my job at Cargill, almost the only thing, that once I clock out and leave for the day, the place doesn't worry me one bit.  I'm not 'on call' just in case something breaks, I can go away and not have to leave phone numbers with anyone, I don't have to stay any later than 3pm except by a few minutes (I clocked out at 3:05 today).  And I don't worry about something not being done right.  I just shrug at the end of the day and say, "I'll worry about it tomorrow/Monday."  It's such a relief!

Speaking of relief, I've 'shaved' my head again this year.  Justin does it for me.  We don't take it all the way down to scalp, though it's pretty close.  I'm not getting a lot of flack from co-workers, at least nothing's been said to my face lol!  My one sister is giving me grief though.  Trying to quote the bible to me about long hair...and getting it wrong...and then being told, "I guess it depends on what version you read."  I don't know about her, but I read New King James...it flows a bit better without the "thee's and thou's".  The bible doesn't say that a woman has to have long hair, just that if she does it is her glory.  Written by a man who never had long hair to deal with lol!!  BUT that verse needs to be read in context, because once he's done, Paul said that we're to judge for ourselves, that he has no such custom  and neither does the church...the verse is nestled in a chapter about head coverings.  So it's not just about hair, but prayer caps as well.  And Paul tells us to decide for ourselves about that too.  But of course, we all have this need to feel ourselves more spiritual than the rest, so we pick a verse out and run with it.

I'm not saying I'm perfect.  Far from it.  I've grown less judgmental over the years.  People are ... people.  And Jesus is far more understanding and forgiving of our humanity than we are ourselves.

But that's just my opinion.  What do I know?  lol!!!


...me!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Rough

I've been having a rough week. Well, when it comes to work, it's been a run of a couple rough weeks. But for some reason, I've been missing the loved ones I've lost recently. Maybe it's just hormones, or the weather or the time of year. It'll pass I know. I just gotta ride it out! lol!

Justin and I went to the movies this afternoon, we watched The Avengers. Totally rocks. It was my second time as I went with my friend Jackie a couple weekends ago. It would have been better if the movie hadn't quit stopping. Our theater hasn't upgraded to digital yet, and they still use film and I guess it was getting tangled or something like that. It was pissing Justin off to no end - he so has to learn to relax and take that kind of stuff with a grain of humor because crap happens ya know! lol Oh well. I guess they're upgrading this fall. It won't be soon enough!!

Gonna go lay down for a bit, just tired today as well. I'll try to catch up more later, I have so much I wanna say and not enough energy.

ttyl.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy...

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there!


my mom and her cat!  <3

Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday, May 04, 2012

TGIF!

We all felt this way at work today.  We have a special run Friday morning, and some products get a different box and label.  Well, there were several that were originally considered 'buy back" - meaning that they go in whatever box they would go in for our product - that ended up coming back to be stuck in the special boxes and labels.  ?!?!?!?!  No idea why they changed their minds on any of it, or who changed their minds specifically whether it was the customer or our office.  It was very irritating, although the supervisor and his helper were the ones that actually did the rework.

It's just been a long week at work.  Saws not working right, box lines breaking down, people not wanting to carry their own wieght, but that's all over with now.  Until Monday!  But in the meantime I'm going to enjoy my evening, go see a movie tomorrow, and write write write!  I've been pumping out poetry at an amazing rate, some of it's great stuff too.  Some is just ho-hum, but I post it all anyway!  Lol!  I have to see if I can't get up a Zion post this weekend, and maybe finish the thing!  That would be nice, as I have other stories I need to move onto.

Right now though, I need to go find something to eat.  Lunch was at 11am, and it's now 5pm...which is too long for a diabetic to go without at least munching on something.  That part of my life is hard, but I'll save that for another post.

ttyl.

Tuesday, May 01, 2012

PAD Challenge

So I've been participating in the Poem A Day Challenge over on the poetry blog of The Writer's Digest website, since about mid April. A little late, but better late than never right? Anyway, that's over and now we get to choose our 5 favorite poems from the month and send them to the editor. I'm not sure what we'll get other than recognition from him if he picks us as his favorites, but that's alright. There's another PAD in November and that seems like such a long ways away.

I've been writing up a storm so far this month, I hope it lasts! :) I've even gotten up a few new posts on the Zion's Children story on my Fiction site, and need to get more up. Trying to find the combined time and energy and quiet has been hard. Justin didn't work at all last week. I don't know if the boss was punishing him for something or truly didn't need him, but it was really rather irritating as it's the absolute wrong time of month for that cash flow to have been cut off...but he worked yesterday, and maybe tomorrow, so maybe the bossman is over it. One can hope.

I so want to go to bed, but it's far too early! lol Besides it's too bright and I know I'd never actually sleep. Or if I did, it's just be a nap and that would mess things up too! As much as I've come to enjoy working dayshift, I don't like how early I have to get up. Of course, we've been working 8.5 hours for a few weeks now and that always saps my energy. Ah well.

Enough for now. Must find food! Lol

ttyl.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Halo Wars

So, one of the things I've done in the name of love since joining with Justin has been learning how to play Halo Wars on the Xbox.  It's not really my thing.  I prefer playing games like Hexic, or Bejeweled Blitz.  The occasional racing game because I suck at driving anything on a game console - part of my fun is how many times I can crash it during the course of the race lol!

What I have learned from playing Halo Wars is interesting though.  For those of you who don't know, it's a war game in which you are in charge of commanding the army.  You can play against the computer, or actual people courtesy of Xbox Live.  Personally - I've found that I'm not a very good player on my own, I play better as part of a team.  I'm better at implementing other's strategies rather than coming up with them on my own.  I'm also not very good at changing strategies mid-game...though I'm learning.  And I've learned that I don't like losing...ok, nobody does, but somebody has to and i don't like it when it's me.  lol!  Thank God I'm not in command of any armies in real life.

It does have real life applications though.  I'm a far better follower than I am a leader.  And while I can augment someone else's ideas, left on my own, I'm not the best.  Ideas are best come up with in a group.  And I don't handle life's curve balls very well...but I'm learning.

After all, isn't that what life is about?  At least partially.  Trying new things and changing when needed and learning.  Because we don't play with or against AI's...but with living people.  And they're a very unstable element!  Lol!

Life's not static, but fluid.  Ever moving and changing.  Like the changing of the season, we might revisit seasons from time to time - but even then they're not the same.  this summer will be different from last summer.

ttyl.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Yet Another Weekend

What else is there to say?  At least my head has finally stopped bothering me, for the moment.  It's ached the past two days.

Not much going on at the moment, so why I feel the need to post, I don't know.  The dog is whining for attention.  The boyfriend is in the bedroom playing Halo Wars.  I'm on the borrowed laptop making up for lost blogging time.

I do have a few posts in mind, but I'll probably get to them later this weekend.  I'm about ready to go veg!  lol

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Drunk People Suck

Ok, when you're DD...drunk people suck. They are too loud, they are argumentative, they spill stuff, and because they weren't thinking even when they were sober those of us who are sober are trying to keep the toddler out of the jelloshots, safe, out of harms way and entertained. Seriously, who brings a toddler to an adult birthday party for a 21year old? It was an interesting experience though, as I myself have never been to a party like that. And really do not see the appeal. I've been falling down drunk only once...and I do NOT like it. I like being able to remember what is going on, and I like being in control of myself. I'm not opposed to having a good time, but there is such a thing as too much!

I know that some of it comes from hidden hurts in their lives. Rachel is a sweetheart (she's a cousin of Justin's) but her need to get shitfaced is a strong indicator that she's trying to doctor the hurts deep inside. I don't know all the details from her childhood...she's still in her very early 20's, so she's not that far from still being a kid in a lot of ways. But what of the older adults, I wonder. To a large degree, I just do not understand.

Granted, in some ways I do. My drug of choice is food. I eat to feel better. Instead of having a beer, I had a second piece of cake...and then a third. My blood sugar was 151 this morning. Higher than it usually is on the weekends. Although there have been times when I've eaten nothing but Little Debbie's and wine for the weekend and had great numbers the next morning, so that's not reliable. Lol! I eat to distract from problems and boredom. Probably some of the same reasons people drink themselves silly.

At least I can remember what happened the next morning.

Forgive me if I sound as though I'm judging. I'm not really. I'm just at a loss of how to reach these people. God/Jesus wants more for their lives than this. Mine too. Because I'm no better.

Friday, April 20, 2012

It's a 3 day weekend!

Well, this weekend is a three day one. We're having another 'dark' day on Monday. My body says 'yes, yes, yes' but the paycheck says 'no, no, no!' I guess we're just getting as many cows in. It'll change before long and they'll be working us on Saturdays too. Blech!

It's not even supposed to be nice this weekend, it's supposed to start raining sometime tomorrow. Not that I really mind. I don't do anything outside anyway. Not much to do here in the trailer court anyway. I do like riding four wheelers up to his parents; they have lots of woods and land. I don't mind going for walks up there.

Have some hard decisions to be making shortly. Mom has found herself living alone. Liston finally moved out on his own. Sara was thinking about moving back in, actually has been living there since January...and for whatever reasons she's not sharing with me, she's changed her mind. If some modifications were made, like a way for Mom to be able to take care of the dog Liston left behind, she shouldn't have too much trouble actually living by herself. There are cleaning aides from Area Agency of Aging coming in already that are a big help. It's the money that's the issue. Mom lives off of social security and disability, and her outgoing exceeds her incoming. If it's not a big amount, us five kids ought to be able to make up the difference. I hate the thought that she might have to move out and lose her home of 40 some years. It's just not fair. I don't know how much help I'll be getting from my siblings either. Any one of them could fight me on it out of spite over crap that happened years ago. I just don't know.

Justin didn't say much when I talked to him about it, which isn't a bad thing. I mean, if he wanted to fight me on it that would have been the time. He really has no point of reference for any of this. His parents are younger, healthier, more financially well off. And he's an only child. Brat! Lol! He is so spoiled! But then, so was I for a few years.

I just donated a few dollars to a kids in Scotland. He's doing a triathlon as a fundraiser for a Commission/Mission project. He's an Xbox buddy of Justin and seems like a good kid. PayPal automatically converted the US dollars to the UK Pound, glad it's smart than me! Lol!

I'm getting of this blog for the moment and cruising on to my next project. Idk what yet, but I'll figure something out! Lol!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Jots and Tittles

Today was a long day at work, at least it felt it. Same 8.5 hours as usual, just lots of lean cow. Lean cow is a grade of beef, and becuase they're skinny cows, you don't get much from them. Which means that it takes 'forever' to do 550 head! Lol! But we all survived! I want to share two new blogs I've discovered. One is by Mara Wilson, the child actress who played Matilda is now 24! She's a smart cookie, and I find her writing fresh and invigorating. The second is a new one written by my brothers ex. Alysson is sweet and funny, and I hope she keeps writing. I managed to get up a new post at my fiction site, the long awaited Pt 47 of Zion's Children. I have started the next post, but do not know when it will be up. I know Mara said that there is no such thing as writer's block, just lack of faith in our abilities, but to be honest, what else would you call it when you have blank paper and blank screen and NOTHING comes out. The little voice that is my poet, the movie screen that is my fiction, just hasn't been there. Not having a computer to post doesn't help either. lol :P Been posting some poetry lately too. That link is off to the side. I am so tired sometimes. I know that is largely in part to the under active thyroid, that doesn't want to respond to the medicine. I try to be patient, but it never seems to be any different. Maybe tomorrow!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

And the CT said...

Well that was cool. Really! The doctor took Justin and I step by step through the CT scan of my sinuses! My septum, the middle part between the nostrils, is seriously deviated. And there were two spots that were enlarged, one that was touching the septum wall. I was told it shouldn't be doing that. There was also some immflamtion in one of the forehead sinuses. We did talk about surgery...the risks and possibilities, etc. To straighten the septum and clear some of that other stuff out. But first I'll have allergy testing done. Simply put, if the allergy test comes up positive, no surgery just more treatment. If the allergy test is negative...surgery. I am at the point where I don't care what they do, I just want to be able to breath through my nose again! Surgery is a scary thought though, because all surgeries cary some amount of risk. Since this would be close to the brain, of course there is more risk involved. And I'm not fond of being put under anyway becuase I have a tendancy to dream when I'm coming back out...for some reason, I just don't like that. When I had my gallbladder out, I dreamt about the Daily Review. Talk about a nightmare! Lol! The second time I was put under, for a minor feminine issue, I don't remember what exactly I dreamt just that it was chaotic. And I did get dinner out! I swear that China's plot to overtake the world is their Chinese Buffets! Lol! This one has a good selection of Chinese and other foods. Better than the other one in the Valley. Oh well. Back to work on Wednesday. So looking forward to it...NOT! lol! ttyl.

Day off

So I have today off...processing and map were both given the day off. I don't know why exactly just that we're not losing as much this way. Maybe the cost of cows is up again. It worked out ok though because I was going to get out early anyway for a doctors appt. which is where I'm headed to at the moment. Justin got out from his job at lunch to drive me. Sometimes I hate only having one vehicle, other times not. Today is a day I hate it. For some reason he's turned the radio up loud, maybe cuz he has his window open? Lol! Well this is my second visit to the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor. Wonder what he'll say today. I get a CT scan first-what fun! Not! Lol! Wonder if he'll order an allergy test, or order more antibiotics? I guess I'll find out soon enough lol! It is a nice day tho. Maybe I'll get dinner out? Ttyl.

Friday, April 13, 2012

nada

Hi there folks. There hasn't been much to write about recently. Life has been pretty much the same. Blah! Lol! I can post from my phone but I have to do with one finger even though it's a touch screen keyboard...my fingers are too big I guess! lol! I did post a poem on my other site, but I couldn't get a picture posted until I got on a computer I don't know how long we're borrowing this laptop but I'm enjoying it!