Window Into My Reality

Every once in a while, I almost think I have an interesting life. Not often, just once in a while. Sunday morning, like, between 4 and 5 am, I get home from putting the Sunday paper together...I flip on the computer, you know, check email and log onto Yahoo Messenger so I can have my weekly chat with Jean-Luc and there was an Add Request...from my EX of all people! It's been almost 2 years since we've even talked...and I've only seen him in passing a handfull of times. Curious, I decide to add him just because I want to see what he wants. Turns out - he just wanted sex. {eyeball roll} Apparently his chicky that he left me for, left him! It couldn't have happened to a nicer fella. After laughing my ass of, I told him - no, I'm not that lonely. Ever ! This after Saturday night on the inserter, Justin yakking my ear off even though there was a coworker in between us. Justin said something to me, that just irritated me...I don't even remember what it was n...

What a web he weaves. So, I lovingly spread the gossip that Steven's girl is pregnant and they don't know if it's his or not. And he retaliates by telling people that I made it up, that we were never dating and only fooling around, and that I'm obsessed with him. LOL!!! Like anyone believes him anyway. I saved the Messenger conversation in which both he and Heather told me they were pregnant. I can take anyone right into the hard copy, of which I don't possess the knowledge to change. Everyone knows that he and I were dating...even Heather knew that...for crying out loud, I've lost count of how many times she told me how glad she was that I was the one dating Steven and not her. And if you're just folloing around with a girl, you don't go to family things with her, where her brother pays your way into an amusement park [I've asked for that money back even though I'll probably never see it]...I hope he still has the bruise the rollercoaster g...

I am SO bad! I found the Jerk online this afternoon, so I decided to talk to him...see how him and the little woman are doing..,actually ended up talking to here as well...he hasn't found a job yet, but she has...a nice little tidbit I plan on passing on to people at work...especially since she's working at a bar and I work with alcoholics...she's also four weeks pregant...and they're not sure who the father is!!!!! It could be Steve...but it could be her other boyfriend as well. As much as this news hurt....it also amused the crap out of me....I told him that she would cheat on him, but did the cheating asshole listen???? NOOOOO...of course not....And bad bad bad girl that I am...I told them at the end, that my period was late and Steve was the last one I had sex with. I am so sick and twisted...but I enjoyed every minute of that!!!!!! Afterwards, I turned to my Mom...who's laughing at my antics towards the screen..."So you don't worry Mom, I'm on...

I just had an argument with my brother..about how people grieve. We were watching this stupid chick flick...and this one lady was burning clothing on her hubands grave...her way of closure...and he thought it was stupid and since my wound is still fresh and raw...I might have went off on him....I mean, everyone grieves differently...who he is to declare that one's way is "stupid"...I asked him if he's ever lost a spouse...to which he replied, "Have you?" Silence...he says, "I've broken up with people before...and I've had people break up with me before...get over it." So I asked him if he had ever had any one cheat on him, right in front of him. There was some swearing involved. NO ONE has the right to say "Just get over it to me. No Steven and I weren't married, and we weren't togther for a very long time. But ---- I'm ashamed to say this --- we did have sex. Sex creates that bond, whether Steve ever wanted to admit...

He was not faithful for even a month. On the brighter side of life...I am off for a four day break from work to spend the holidays with family. I hope he chokes on a turkey bone. Her too. Lazy slut.

No offense to my male readers...but...men are idiots. At least this ex-boyfriend of mine is. Before I realized that he left me for the other woman...I had asked him to move a bed with his dump truck for my Mom. I almost told him to forget about it...but the jerk owed me money. The idiot brought HER with him...even though I asked him not to...because he 'wanted to'...that was really mean of him. Actually ---- to both of us. Jerk. {{{refraining from using any "french"}}} But at least it's over and done with. Maybe now I'll quit throwing up. Please God...let the heaving stop.

I am such a fool. I found out the real reason why I got the "someday" speech from Boyfriend. It was effectively dumping me so that he could hook up with the other girl. I so wanted to believe him when he said there was nothing going on, that he didn't want her. I didn't stop to think that he was protesting too much. Another day older and wiser I guess. What a high price I've paid though. Good thing that God is in the practice of healing broken hearts...mine hurts a lot right now.

Sort of. Once again I walk into work. Nothing unusual about that...do it all the time. Not feeling good, so I'm not my chipper self. Not expecting to see Boyfriend as it is his night off. Wondering if the new schedule has been made up yet. I put my lunch in the fridge...call Boyfriend from breakroom phone, but he's not home...go to put my things in my locker in the girls bathroom...the new schedule has been made up...I know this because Biggest Bitch has left her copy right on the bench for all to see....Boyfriend is NOT on it...!!! Of course I am concerned....not surprised as he has been looking for a new job for a while now...but I don't know what has happened....I call again on break, but he's still not home...probably working with his cousin as much as possible since that is his only employment right now...and I know he was planning on going to visit his daughter in Jersey after the weekend for Halloween...don't know if he's still going. I find out from Litt...

But boy am I confused! I walk into work tonight...not knowing what to expect from that man of mine...cuz he said we were gonna be different at work...you know, to make it easier that we can't be together right now. He was a little "off" cuz he's got two toothaches, but he was still teasing and flirting...!!!!! WTF?!?! Ticked me right off...and he knew it, even if he didn't understand why at first { I clued him in later}. Turns out.....he's confused about us too right now. Partly my fault, cuz I've sent some emails to him. I don't like that he's let the gossip of others interfere with our life outside of work...and maybe I've gotten that through his head. Maybe! I also don't like that he's shoving me to the side just because he's having money issues...well, hello?! Me too!! Makes me feel more like a toy he can pick up and set down....grrrr......But I haven't had a chance to talk to him about that yet...something I don't want ...

lI know that this is the depression and despair taking...that things are not really as bad as they feel right now...but I really think that whoever coined the saying... 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved ...really didn't have a clue what they were talking about. I want to scream right now----but I'd wake my Mom up and she'd kill me. I feel like I'm suffocating as well......

They won. He broke up with me. Latest gossip had us having sex in the company van. Our jobs are threatened because of this. Where is Gil Grissom and the CSI crew when ya really need them?!?!?! Bitches.

Things are a little better. I still have not heard back from the housing authorities. Whatever. My key still works in the lock and there has been no one to escort me out, so I guess we're still good. I've gotten a chance to talk with my boyfriend, and things are a little better there. Like Cliff said, guys are dumb. :) He didn't know how much it was bothering me...mostly because he was so pissed at me that he never read the note that I gave him. Grrrr.... I've had to write him a second one telling him how much I've been missing him and how much I adore him. I even drew hearts on it. Sap aren't I? He's been working two jobs, trying to catch up on his truck payment, so I don't get to see a whole lot of him. Without his dumptruck, he doesn't have an excavating company. Without that company, he's never going to feel secure enough to have a 'serious' relationship. And everytime I pray about it, God replies with "All in good time". V...

I submitted a payment plan to the Housing Authority, to see if I can't stay where I am at...but I have yet to hear back from them. It's hard to believe that rumors are just rumors when the Boyfriend lets the other woman flirt with him in front of me. And it's all at work, so it's not like I can just take her out back and beat the crap out of her. Maybe he honestly doesn't realize how it looks to me...willing to give him the benefit of the doubt...cuz I 'm a fool most likely! :) At least I'm a cute one! Does he know how much it hurts me to see him joking around with her? Hello?! I'm the girlfriend...and since he's busy right now helping his cousin build onto his house, I think I deserve just a little bit of attention when we're all at work together. Like, HE needs to tell her her to back off and walk in the opposite direction when I'm trying to get him in a corner alone for a few minutes on our break time...although if she has any brains at al...

Would y'all like to know what my brother Cliff and his wife did for me for my birthday?????????? They took me to Six Flags Darien Lake for the Kingdom Bound Festival!!!!!!!!!!!! The group in concert that night was Mercy Me . Very awesome. And they let me bring Boyfriend along. That was fun !!!! He rode a roller coaster with me, and didn't pick on me too bad when I could barely walk afterwards because I was so dizzy!! It was a fun day, well worth the wait. Thanks Cliff :) {{isn't he the greatest brother????--------well...... sometimes ....LOL!!!!!!!!!}}

Hi Guys. I don't know if I'm "back" yet, but thought I'd put up a quick post since I have tonight off. We've just switched to 4 ten hour days a week, so once I get adjusted to that, I might have more time to blog again. The biggest reason for my break is that I was trying to decide between two different men. I have broken up with England, though we've agreed to remain friends and leave comments on each others blogs and the like. I'm now going out with a guy at work. I probably won't talk about him much here since I do not want to be insensitive to England. :) Last night was wretched at work...we had one person not show up, another one left in the middle of the shift...without permission or the supervisor's knowledge even...she didn't pull her own weight anyways, so I wonder if it was that big of a loss? The man that was to run the press didn't show up. Then the pressman that was called in to take his place left before he should h...