Wednesday, October 31, 2007


No offense meant guys, but - Men are idiots.

Especially British ones.

Especially pressmen.

Especially bosses.

Especially brothers.

I don't get them anymore than they get me. And it's not for lack of trying on my part either.


And the worst part matter how much guys rub me the wrong doesn't stop me from liking any of you. Ok, the jury's still out on Supervisor Rob, even though he apologized.

My only hope is that I frustrate you as much as you frustrate me.

I think my next post will be #300 --- I'll try to come up with something good. Promise. :D

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Sleepless in Pennsylvania

I can't sleep. It's about 5AM, which is only sometimes my bedtime...a lot of times I don't try until 6. But I'm at Mom's and Liston's alarm clocks have been going off since a little after 4:30...he has two, three if you count his wrist he never shuts off, he just lets it beep and beep and beep...........why he hits snooze on one and not the other is beyond me. So, here I am unable to sleep, bothered by his alarms and by thoughts that won't shut up.

I guess I'm worrying a little bit about the big meeting that is going to take place later today at work. I guess Jerry [the head supervisor] pissed Rob [the next supervisor under him] off and Rob went to Brian [Jerry's boss]. There is a good chance that Jerry could get fired or demoted. I hope he's just demoted for a time, because I actually feel safer when Jerry's there. Which is actually a little odd b/c Jerry is as dirty as the rest of the guys there [although I've never heard Kirk be dirty, but he is a guy, so Lord only knows] but Jerry's never been that way toward me. Unlike Rob.

I put in a call to Brian, asking him to call me so that I can talk about something that happened last Thursday with me and Rob...where he wouldn't let me go home early [Inever ask to go home early] and I had overtime to burn up and the girl who could have taken over for me wasn't doing anything anyways [except sitting in the office with Rob kissing his ass...or something else]. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to strip for my boss in order to go home early on a night when there was no reason why I couldn't have gone home. So I'm probably a little worried about that as well.

But anyway. Let's talk about something else now shall we?

Ok. Let's.

I recently read a pretty good book. "House" by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker; two of my favorite authors by the way. It was good. Kind of deep, as I haven't completely figured out some of there symbolism though. Who was White, the bad guy, anyways? Was he a demon, or a man that was evil? Some of it was pretty straight the funky pudding, that was actually made of rotten dog food, representing sin. How we can wolf it down, with its sweet tasting deceptive narcotic effects, until we see it for what it really is...rotten. Blech. It was right up there with Frank's book "The Oath" though, in that I didn't really relish reading it in the dark. It was, shall we say...suspenseful? I mean, it was about two ordinary couples who were lost and had car trouble [deliberately by the bad guy] and they were trapped in this freaky inn and freaky hosts....with a "haunted" basement of all things. Twisted corridors and doors that led into dark tunnels. And they couldn't really work together because the bad guy had issued a mandate...a dead body by dawn or they were all dead. No pressure there. I will probably read it again someday...see what it is I've missed and see if I can't get some more understanding.

I guess. I'll probably switch over to my Fiction blog and work on my Trek story to help myself unwind somemore.

Sounds like a plan to me. I love how that story is going. I can't help it. I love alternate time lines of Trek, and anything to do with Q is a boon as well. Enough chatter from me. It's now almost 5:30 and I'd best try to get some relaxing done so that I can sleep. Work will come all too soon.

Life's Just Not Fair

Would you like to know why I am saying this this time? Sure you do or you wouldn't still be reading this.

While Mom was in the hospital, little brother Liston said that he would do this dishes. This seemed fair to me since I was the one doing the largest share of caring for the cats and dogs. And I do have an injured finger. I might be milking that a little, but it really does hurt and since Liston has back out of the deal and I have to do the dishes that he's finger really doesn't like doing the dishes.

This makes me so angry. Mom has five kids...and because I'm the oldest and single...translation: the oldest and the one who has no life of her own...I get saddled with Mom's care. Liston did walk the dogs before he went to bed at 11. Big frickin whoop. Oh, and he did dish Mom some ice cream. He can go out every night and hang with his friends...but I can't. Not without worrying about what's going on at home. Sara is single...she could come down a little more often if it weren't for that asshole of a sperm donor she's living with. Cliff isn't much help because he lives 3 hours away, and Duane has his own problem of a broken leg. But there is though other two that could help out a little bit more. And I should have to ask...they know that Mom's been sick.

I'm having flash backs to when Dad was sick and Mom was on her own for a lot of it. She'd be at the hospital and even though I wasn't quite old enough, I got stuck with the babysitting alot...even though there are five older brothers and sisters [2 brothers and 3 sisters] who could have stepped up a little bit more often. Who should have. Not that I have any residual anger over any of that.

This is not fair! Why do I have to be the one that time and time again gets stuck with this while everyone else gets to do their own thing????

I don't know when I'll be able to go back to my own home again. Well, I was there long enough today to pick up a weeks worth of mail and water my poor plant. But Mom's not strong enough to walk the dogs yet, so here it is I am staying. I can do no less. I just wish that someone would lift the burden a little. My gosh, even long enough for me to go home and sleep in my own bed for a day.

On a brighter note, I think Kirk was flirting with me a little bit this past week. This is nice. It makes up for the other guys being idiots.

Well, my weekend's over...I've got another 40+ hours of work ahead of me. I hope there's a little bit more civilization than what there has been.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Yay! Home again home again!

Well, the call came from Mom this morning, interrupting maybe 3 hours of sleep, to say that she could come home today. We didn't know exactly when so she said I could go back to sleep and she'd call when it was time to come get her. About an hour later that call came. So much for sleep today. It's a good thing that I didn't go to church today because she was released right in the middle of church time. What were they thinking?

Fought with Liston this morning before I had left. Over stupid stuff. Really though, it's getting too cold to leave the front door open and I shouldn't have to tell him that. Especially when you have cats that have been dropped off and they want to come in too!

I don't know how long it will be before I get to go to my home again. I really kind of miss my own bed. And sleeping without cats. I know it was my idea to get them, but they have no sense! They should both sleep on the same side of me, not one on each side! It's a wonder I didn't kill one of them rolling over. Stupid cats.

I'm so very tired.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Is 'now' different from 'then'?

I have been accused of thinking too much more times than I can count. Sometimes I've even thought this myself. But then my former pastor did once pray/prophesy something over me about 'thinking deep thoughts'.

So, on my way home...well, to Mom's home, since this is where I am staying while she is in the hospital...I was thinking about whether or not it is different being an adult and having a parent in the hospital compared to being a child and having a parent in the hospital. I don't really know. In a lot of ways, no...but then again yes. No matter your're scared. Kids are just more free to express that primal fear when a parent is ill. Kids are scared because they don't know what is going adult is scared because they know all too well that is going on, even if they can't pinpoint the infection/illness.

Of course, it's different now because I have a firmer grasp on that Rock in the stormy sea named Jesus. When I feel that panic beginning to whelm up inside of me, I can only throw myself at His feet. It might not stop the panic....but there is a calming effect nonetheless...just knowing that He is there and not going to leave. As a kid, watching my father go in and out of the hospital, I didn't get this. And there's no shame in that.

As an adult, I have just enough medical knowledge to be dangerous...and it doesn't help when the doctor himself gives out "it might be this....but we don't know for sure yet". Hello?!?! I can come up with my own imaginations very well on my own, thank you very much!!! And so can my Mom, who is no dummy. Leave the might-be's and maybe's for ... well ... you're own deducing because there isn't anyone who needs to be wieghed down by 'maybe's' when they're ill.

As a child, no one tells you anything. You're left wondering what's going on and so you're imagining the worst. I'm glad those days are left behind me.

As an adult who knows Jesus, with a mother who knows Jesus...I can speak life over her. Life and health and wholeness. It is too bad that I didn't know this for my Dad, but the past is in the past and we can't change it...we can only learn from it and go forward.

Mom might be allowed to come home on Sunday...if her temperture can stay down. I know that I am here for a few days even after she comes home. But if that's what it takes for her to get better, I'm ok with that even though it means sleeping on the uncomfortable loveseat. Because she's Mom.

Monday, October 22, 2007

My Mom

My Mom is in the hospital...again. Just over a month after being in the hospital with a bad UTI...she is in there with yet another one. Argh!! I wish the doctors would figure out why she has such troubles with these infections. Or that they would be able to get rid of the one that she apparently has all the time. A healthy person just doesn't walk around with a low grade infection all the time do they?? So I'm holding down the homestead again. Someone has to babysit the dogs and cats.

I've reapplied for a reporters position at the newspaper. It makes sense, i mean, I am a writer...I ought to have a job where I'm writing. Instead of having to deal with Chris's juvenile mind games and wondering if the supervisor has his mind on our jobs or his own interests. It's getting so that the only people I like there are...well, Kirk, my favorite pressman....ok, Jerry too, on his good days. Tina's ok, though her tendancy to shut my plateroom door annoys me a little...I like the door open, even if the press is going because apparently I'm claustrophobic.

I did something stupid the other day. I deleted almost all my posts on my MySpace blog. I'm not sure why, but I know I was feeling really down, wondering whether anyone reads what I write and do I really matter and blah blah blah...Apparently my only reader who felt this action was worth commenting on was my friend Paige. I guess she reads them even if she doesn't comment. I wish she'd comment more often. I wish anybody would comment more often. Even here...even if it's just to tell me that I'm an idiot. Oh well. What's done is done.

Just had a call from Mom...she's on her second back of hydrating fluid. She also hasn't been able to sleep. But she has a great nurse on duty, so I know she's in good hands. This nurse is in the right profession, because she was even instructing me on my own health during the family histury part.

Off to find something to munch. :)

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I have...

I have taken a deep breath...or two...and am feeling better. I also went shopping yesterday. :D

It helped to have Jerry back to work tonight...even though he's technically supposed to be on vacation. Our other supervisor wasn't there though, which was a great relief to me. The one guy who had given me trouble actually apologized for it. That helps tremendously.

I still wish Christina would just go away. She was excluded from all conversations regarding this, and she was trying to make like she knew hoping that I'd spill the beans [unless Tempy told her...Carl claims he didn't tell her a thing]. Of course, just about everybody there wishes she'd just go away too. She keeps promising...but she was only gone a week and then she was right back to work...

Jerry cut himself at work I had to stay over I'm whooped...gotta get some sleep. At least I don't have to worry about my paycheck, it's already deposited. I didn't get much sleeo Friday b/c Mom's not feeling good and wanted me to stay over. I think she wants the same today. Sigh...

Thursday, October 18, 2007


My heart is heavy this morning. Tonight was an easier night than most I've had recently at work. I actually got a lunch break. However, I also had to listen to Chris tell how she flashed her boob to the supervisor, apparently at his request...although knowing her as I do...she was all too happy to obligue...she certainly wasn't complaining about it. And then she brags about how she does whatever she wants at work. Which is no doubt why they hired her back after she quit and was only gone a week. So, if she flashes her boobs just for gee whiz...what does she do when she really wants something????

On the other hands...Carl was willing to pay to see my boobs. When I said a guy had to pay to see my boobs, I didn't mean like that!!! He just laughed when I said that and put his money away. It's almost a nice compliment....but do I look like a stripper to you?!?!?!

And my sister is being a hormonal bitch. She's younger than me, and has had all the 'firsts' before me...first kiss, lost her virginity first, first baby...which she made sure to rub in the other night. Mom thinks she was just picking, but when she says twice"It really tickles me"...she's not teasing nicely. As I said to mom..."She's not married yet." She doesn't have anything to brag about...but it really hurts that she's pregnant and I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like God has forgotten me when it comes to this.

Ok, that's my sob post for the day. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...or later today depending on how you look at it. Maybe I just need to sleep...or my period needs to come...or something!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

I understand...

Or do I?

What does it mean to understand? First we have to break the word down..."under" and "stand".

Under - submit
Stand - point of view

So, to understand is to submit to a point of view.Can we "understand" each other...when our point of views cannot be united? When Jesus says that He is the only way...can we "submit" to the "point of view" that there are many ways to heaven? Can we follow a person's line of thought, comprehend what they are saying, but not submit to the way they see things, their point of view? Can we "understand" a peron's pain...the misery that drives them...because we've been there ourselves...but not "submit" to their erroneous point of view [erroneous b/c it's tainted by their own self]?

Food for thought.

This is a new concept for me, something that was taught at a recent conference I was at. The meaning of "understand"....the rest is just my own thoughts...meandering as they usually do when they're thinking deeply. With this new way of regarding the word 'understand', I think that we use the word too loosely, b/c somewhere along the way, it's lost its true meaning.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

short and sweet

I over oiled my car. I didn't mean to...honest...But my oil light flickered on, and it had that sound that it always has when it needs oil and I've let it get a little too low. Well, I didn't actually check the dipstick...and just put oil in. And then left the oil cap OFF and drove almost 25 miles...had oil everywhere and I do mean was running down the front bumper. So, thinking that like the last time I did this [over a year ago] that I had lost all my oil, once I found my cap [it was right where I left it] I put more oil in. And then my car wouldn't run right...sluggish...and now it just won't start. I thought for sure I had blown the engine. But no...I had TOO much oil in it. So it sits in front of my boss's house...waiting for someone with the right tool to pull the spark plugs and the time. And the knowledge...b/c Jerry spent hours working on a part that my car doesn't even have...????...Lord only knows what he's done to it. So, I'm stranded at Mom's again. I've threatened/joked about moving into Kirk's little cottage he has behind his which he says, "You'll have to bring your own bed." I've got that. apparently though, the last girl who wanted to move into his cottage/shed he outright said, "No." So I guess he must like me a little bit!

Prayer request: my friend Paige's Mom had a brain aneurysm late last night. A bad one. They had to put her into a coma b/c paralysis had begun by the time she got to the hospital. Her mom also lives in Texas, which makes it harder for my friend.

I have to get to bed now. More later.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I'm Home!

Hi gang! Wow. What an experience! First of all, it took us 10 hours to make an 7/8 hour trip...somebody has weak bladders, but I won't mention names [but it wasn't me or Paige!] And then, the first night we were rained...and the tent leaked!! And it rained most of the second day, so our stuff got wetter. But, they opened one of the ymca buildings for us to use over night so that our stuff could dry out more. They even got us mattresses. I think we spent only one night in there as a whole group. So, we went back to sleeping in the tent. I was so cold, though the others weren't, and I would wake up wet. We actually had some really nice weather once the rain was done. Although, it did rain once more, I think on Monday, and we were smart and pulled our bedding out and stuffed it in our cars so that it wouldn't get wet...which is how we found out that I was sleeping in a puddle of water!!!! And it was beginning to mold! Which is how I've found out that I'm sensitive to mold [headaches, runny nose, etc...] Paige wanted me to be a trooper and just wipe it up and wash it down and keep sleeping in the tent, b/c we were trying to be unified and stuff...but when I was wiping up the puddle, I discovered that there was water trapped between the tent and the tarp underneathe...a lot of water! No wonder I was so cold!!! Paige was watching from outside the tent as I was pushing the water out and she guesstimated ten gallons...and I didn't get it all!! Meanwhile, Winnie was out talking with the woman who put together the 7 Days of Praise conference together and she insisted that we move back to the bunkhouse, or the palace as we began to call it...which Paige and I decided to do. The other two were high and dry so they stayed in the tent.

So much happened in those 7/8 days...there were so many teachings and so many times of worship, that I can't even begin to tell it all. I'm actually still overwhelmed by how God met me there...again and again. I will probably share things slowly, because I still have so much to process. I'm going to have to change my blog title, but I'm not sure what to change it to yet.

We were almost killed on the way home. We went in two cars, Paige and I in her Bug, and Winnie and Kim in the other. Paige and I had been listening to a teaching by Todd Bentley about angels, and she actually saw some...pillars of light coming up from the road in front of us, and she said it must be our angels going before us. Well, it wasn't maybe an hour or two later, that she and I were talking about which church we wanted to go to...which ones were 'out' and 'in' and such...and all of a sudden she throws her arm out across me and is exclaiming, "Oh my God Oh my God" over and over again [indeed sometimes that is all we can pray]...I look to see what she's seeing and there is this big pick-up truck that is hauling a trailer that isn't mergin correctly and almost hit us...those angels had to be holding us apart, b/c it is a miracle we didn't collide. We really should have collided...God and His angels have to be the only answer. I'd have been taken out instantly b/c it was on my side. Thank you God for saving us!

ok, I have to go catch up on emails.