Saturday, June 24, 2006

The Suit For The Interview

This is the suit I will be wearing Tuesday morning for my latest interview...this one for the reporter trainee postition...!!!!!! Is that exciting or what?!?!

This particular picture was taken Easter Sunday, in the "big hole" of the stream that runs near my Mom's house. It's not too bad of a picture. The camera should have been closer to me, or me to it, but it's still a good pic. Live and learn, in photography as in all other aspects of life.

All who pray, please keep me and my interview in mind. I'm a good bit nervous, as my self-confidence is still shot from some of the recent things that have occured at church...all my friends seem to think I'll get the job though. I'll be tired that morning as I will have worked the night before in the mailroom...although, it could also be called the "male"room as mostly guys work there. It's been...interesting...!!!

One thing I don't like about working nights is that I miss picnics and parties...there was one this afternoon but I have to get some sleep before tonight...and there's one tomorrow after church, and again, I'll have to go home and get some sleep. Sigh. But in a strange's worth it. Because it's only for a time.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Failure and Success

I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time. Herbert Bayard Swope (1882 - 1958)

I forget exactly where I found this quote. I think it was something Snedeker had put up with the the weather forecast on the WNEP website...he does stuff like that.

You get very tired trying to please everybody all the time. Your head begins hurting, and Tylenol won't help it go away. You start losing sleep. You're appetite changes. And everything starts falling apart. Your friends stop wanting you to hang around, then deny ever saying such. Your pastors won't talk to you. You vent on your blog and pray that no one from church has the website because you worry that it would be taken to pastors...even though you're not saying anything wrong, you're just venting, but you know that if the right people got a hold of it, that they would turn it into something else and twist it.

I give up trying to do this...just like I gave it up yesterday, last month a year ago. I will keep giving up until it stays given up.


New job is keeping me busy, especially with the night hours. Proof: this was supposed to be Saturday's post!!!! :) Hope everyone's doing good...

Friday, June 16, 2006

Sort of Tagged...Just "Sort Of"

Mimi says she "sort of' tagged me with the "I" Tag. So, here we go...boldy going where no man has gone before...oh wait, wrong series....never mind...

I AM: a daughter, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, a writer, a poet, a princess in disguise, a worker, a librarian, a tenant.

I WANT: more out of life that what I'm getting. I want to be able to be able to pay my rent all at once and still have money to save for a trip.

I WISH: A publisher will fall madly in love with my manuscript....and that life were less complicated...and that my boyfriend and I were on the same land mass...

I HATE: not being on the same land mass as my boyfriend, not knowing who I can trust around me.

I LOVE: Some people more than others.

I MISS: doing kids church on Wednesday night.

I FEAR: failure.

I HEAR: The quiet buzzing of the computers, Alfonse whistling and his chair squeaking out at the main desk, traffic on Main Street.

I WONDER: too much to write I wonder a lot...sometimes keeps me awake at night.

I REGRET: too many things. I regret not finishing college. I regret how many times I've spoken and not thought about what I'm saying; or talked when I should have been listening.

I AM NOT: perfect.

I DANCE: to just about anything...

I SING: when no one's listening...because I like to sing but I've been told that I do it badly. Praise and worship songs...contemperary Christian...the one line from that one song I heard in a movie..."It's the end of the world as we know it...It's the end of the world as we know it...It's the end of the world as we know it...and I feel fine..."

I CRY: when no one's looking, because I've been told that crying is a sign of weakness and emotional instability so I try not to cry in public. Messed up, aren't I?

I AM NOT ALWAYS: sure of what to say.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: poems, letters, stories, now newspapers, food, piles of laundry...

I WRITE: a lot. Get me started and I can go for hours...

I CONFUSE: a lot of people.

I NEED: hugs and chocolate.

I SHOULD: not worry so much. The Bible says not to, but I can't always turn my worries into prayers.

I START: ed my new job last Friday...

I FINISH: this meme now.

I TAG: Kat, Cliff and Daydream Believer and anyone else who would like to do this. Jean-Luc's already been tagged soo I can't tag him :)

Thursday, June 15, 2006

I Know It's Not Just Me

I hate to say this...but is it just me, or is there something wrong when you're talking to a friend and she says, "You know, the only time I hear happines out of you regarding your church is when you're talking about the dance group." She went on to say that my church frustrates her [she goes to a different one]. She related how she feels that church should be a place you feel safe at...which is when I told her she sounded like my boyfriend [minus the delightful English accent of course].
And then an hour friend who was recently kicked out of my church...almost but not quite invited me to her new one. By that, she just let me know when it started in the morning.
I have mixed feelings as this is the friend that told me she lied to me and didn't trust me and all I don't know how we would get on being at the same church again.
But at the same time...I do know the people she know calls pastor and know that they're good and godly people. I think I would feel safe with them.
Ah, the thoughts that tumble in my head. I was working last night, helping one of the guys jog the newspapers as they flew off the press and I told him, "I've figured out the secret to jogging's not thinking about what you're doing." Which he agreed with. And then I said, "I just haven't been able to stop thinking about it yet." Cracked him up!!!
I once told Pastor Norm that half my problem was that I thought too much...and the other half being that I didn't think enough.
Oh ~ I'm not hurting quite as badly tonight, so maybe Gerry was right and my hands will get used to the work. Still thinking of going and seeing Doc and having him crack my back into shape. :)

Monday, June 12, 2006

New Job

I hurt. I'd forgotten what it's like to stand on concrete for 8 hours...ouch. I expected a few aches and pains as my body started working like it hasn't in a while....I mean, busdriving is an easy job, so is the library position. I didn't expect my hands to start hurting. I hurt them a few years back at a local factory...plastic parts for vacuum cleaners, and they didn't provide a machine to put these caps together so we had to do them by hand...and my hands were screaming the next day. I ended up going to the doctors, he diagnosed it as tendonitis, and taking a break from work didn't help them...I ended up having to go to therapy because my muscles were stiffening up and I was loosing the use of my hands...$1500 later and much prayer from my church family and it got so that they only bothered me if I were to type a lot, so I had curtailed back until that no longer bothered me either. So, they hardly ever hurt any more...until I started my new job. It's really disappointing, as I would like to have a full time job and the pay that goes with it...and I would never have expected "jogging" newspapers would cause them to hurt again...keep me in your prayers, y'all.

Friday, June 09, 2006

New Job

I got the job!!! Isn't that exciting? It's nightshift, though and it's gonna be dirty...but I can handle a little bit of dirt...and I don't think I'll be in this position for long as there is room for advancement and I'm a smart girl so I expect I'll be in another position eventually. I start tonight though, after working at the library all day today..I am gonna be whooped come 4AM...well, maybe it won't hit me until I actually get home...wouldn't that be nice?!?!

My friend continues to insist that it was due to conversations I had with my Pastor that caused her to be kicked out of leadership and later the church. Like I maliciously maligned her. Why would I betray the woman who holds all my secrets??? Would someone explain that one to me...there's no logic to it at all!! I almost wonder how much my question about balancing friendship and leadership. In October, we we had a special speaker in {still not sure what was so special about him, but he was ok}. And one of the points he brought up about leadership was that leaders really can't be buddy-buddy with the people under their authority... familiarity breeds contempt and all that...and I talked to my Pastor about it as I was having issues with my friend then...she was never just my friend...she was always prayer leader or mentor...and like the rest of leadership, she was pretty touchy about questions or the thought that she might be wrong about it was a rebellion or a threat to her authority or something [all leadership is like this here, so it's no wonder]. And I was getting ready back then to pull back some, for both of our good. I mean, sometimes a person just needs a friend, without the fear that the leader in that friend is using the friendship against you, without the fear that something you say in anger or despair is going to later be used against you or another person...and without the fear that something you say to another leader in innocent passing will be used against your leader the friend. We do that crap all the time in my church...I don't find it in the Bible anywhere, and we're supposed to be all about doing things the way the Bible says it's to be done...but this is pretty much standard operating procedure for my church. Twisted huh?

{{{Eyeball roll!!}}}

Monday, June 05, 2006


It has been a beautiful day. Mostly blue sky, with a few white clouds floating through. And warmer than yesterday, but not as sweltering as last week.

I've been waiting by the phone all day because I'm playing "phone tag" with one of the people from the newspaper ... they want an interview!!! Yay!

I have a busy week this week. Church meetings tonight, tomorrow night, Wednesday night, nothing Thursday that I know of...or Friday, but I work at the library on Friday. And I think also Saturday. Oh no, I forgot, Friday night is the Watch {our glorified prayer meeting}.

My friend/former friend is still confusing me, even though we no longer talk. I heard her on the phone with another friend today and she sounded like the old her ... like the good old her. I can't go to her and ask for things to be worked out I'm fairly certain that she told me to stay away from her it would be up to her to approach me.

I would love to win a vacation trip right about now. Sigh.


Update on "breaking news"....I got my phone call for the job interview. It's for Thursday night at 6:30. It's not for anything I had actually applied's a mailroom would be 40 hours a week, on nightshift, and even at minimum wage I'd still be making more than I am driving bus. I'm in no position to turn down any full time position...I'd really like to be able to go to England someday :)

Sunday, June 04, 2006

New Trek and a new Poem.

Life is strange. But then I wouldn't know what to do if it were any other way. LOL! Nothing else to say tonight.

Friday, June 02, 2006

My Happy Face

There is something wrong in this world when they steal the magnetic smiley face off the back of your car.

Which someone has done.

But, I only rolled my eyes heavenward and said, "Whatever!" Must be the neighborhood kids were bored or something.