Wednesday, November 30, 2005

What in the world?

OK. I drive bus for headstart, right? Where the parents [or grandma or babysitter or whatever] has to come out to put the kid on the bus. So, as I was about ready to leave the Center today, one of the teachers comes out and wants to know if I can take one of the kids righ tback home [uh, hair issues] and I'm like, OK [cuz it's my job]. So, she comes back out with the kid saying that they hadn't been able to get ahold of the mom and did I notice whether the mom was dressed when she put the kid on the bus? Whoa...I stopped looking at what the person was wearing last year when the guys came bounding out of the trailer in pajama bottoms and holding onto his crotch like it was falling off! Very traumatic. So my best response to the teacher this morning was...'uhm, I dunno.' I mean, as long as nothing is falling out, I don't look to see whether they're still in their jammies or not. [and how can you tell anymore anyways?] Anyway, the mom wasn't home and I had to take her back to the Center where I was told that the mom was at her mom's. Why didn't we find that out before hand instead of hoping that she was 'just in the shower'????????? yeah, like that's something I would have wanted to interupt!!

Oye!

It has rained a good bit here in the past few days. It was almost balmy the other night, at 57 degrees! There is a lot of small stream and field flooding. I remember how when I was in school, we always got so worried on the schoolbus when we saw the fields flooded. Like we were afraid it was going to get high enough to come over the road. Well, it liked to in some of the flat places, but never very badly.

Thanksgiving is over. Next on the agenda is Christmas. Sigh. Hanging of the Greens services, and parties and I want to scream at the busy-ness of it all. I mean, I've seen out church schedule and it's very full. God forbid anyone have a crisis during the holiday season...uhm, actually, yeah, You can take that as seriously as it is sarcastic.

Does anyone else get tired of the constant bombardment of Christmas music on the radios? I have nothing against all the carols and hymns and stuff---it's the constant headbanging consistancy of it during this time of year. there is so much of it, that I think we'd be better off sprinkling it throughout the year. But that's just my opinoin.

Ok. Going to go check the email now.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Forgiveness

Here is an exerpt from an article by Lisa Bevere called "Stopping a Fight Before It Gets Out of Hand" that I thought would share. This deals with day to day relational issues, which is exactly what I have been struggling with.

Lisa says, "By overlooking an offense, we are like obediant children who say, 'Father, I know I can trust You with this one. It is too big and painful for me. I refuse to lash back; instead I lay it at Your feet and forgive.' It is a guesture that declares our royal birthright. For forgiveness imitates the Son of God to a dying earth. To overlook means to look above and choose to see things on a higher level than where the offense was committed. It is to pretend not to notice and extend grace and mercy when you would have rather exercised judgment."

I was cut to the heart when I read this, as I haven't been doing very well when it comes to forgiveness recently. To forgive as I have been forgiven...and as I wish to be forgiven. I can not want my best friend to forgive and forget my trespasses against her unless I am willing to extend the same grace to her.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Black Friday

I know why no one is stopping in at the library this morning...it's Black Friday! The one day to avoid shopping because absolutely everyone's out there shopping. AHHHHHH!

yesterday was a good day. I stayed in bed until after ten, though to be honest it was hard to sleep because I could smell whatever it was that my downstairs neighbor was baking. Whatever it was, it smelled wonderful! I puttered around for awhile till it was time to go to my bosses for the meal. It was a side of him I've never seen before, but at least he wasn't drunk just tipsy. It was good though. I was there for most of the afternoon, and then went home and finished watching a movie I'd started.

I really enjoyed the Thanksgiving service Wednesday night too. I rode out with pastors. It was like a unity/community service so there was a variety of demoniations represented. I got to sing one of my favorite hymns of all time too "For the beauty of the world."

I just got back from visiting my friend, the one with whom there has been so much strife between us. It was a good visit. We actually had a meeting last Saturday, and much was said. And today...it was so wonderful just to have her smile at me!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Give Thanks

With a grateful heart.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and although we should always be thankful, this is the time of year for it to be emphasized sooooo.......a list of things that I am thankful for, because I can!

I am thankful for:

1. My jobs.
2. My home.
3. Grace like rain. Not the song, though I love it. I am thankful that God loves me and all that and now matter how much I screw up...strangely I am blameless in His sight because of the blood of Christ.
4. My blogger friends. Even though I worry that I'll become to attached to you all, who are kind of sort of like imaginary friends, but not........you know what I'm trying to say? Please say you do!
5. I am thankful for an imaginitive mind, even though it sometimes gets me into trouble!!
6. The kids on my bus route. I love them so much!
7. Hugs.
8. The starry heavens
9. Hope
10. Life

I still haven't a place to go for tomorrow. But I will not despair. I will, however, sleep in!!! Mwuhahahahahaha!!!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :-)

Monday, November 21, 2005

Shock and Awe

It is a strange thing. How someone can say, "I'm sorry, please forgive me" and still manage to correct you all at once...it is truly amazing to me. I was shocked that this person actually admitted to being wrong, and at the same time, I was ashamed for wanting it.

But it got me to thinking. About Repentance and Forgiveness...how once they have happened...there is healing and restoration. I haven't completely researched it yet, but the verses I've peaked at in James make me think I'm not far off. I wonder, just as one person sinning can spoil others...can one person repenting turn others to repentance? Hmm....

Of course, as in any relationship situation...it helps to know the whole story. Why do we do that, I wonder? Close up and not share what is going on, I mean. I know that sometimes, there are things that hurt too deep to share right away. It is frustrating.

Thanksgiving looks to be a dismal day so far. I'm not about ready to invite myself to anyone else's dinner. And I can't afford to drive out to Mom's two days in a row, and I won't spend the night. I hope something comes up.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Picture Test


Going to try something.

If this works....all I need now is someone with a digital camera and I could show y'all what my new glasses look like!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Another Article

I found another article on Crosswalk that I wanted to share. This one deals with the Holidays and Singles. It was an encouraging read for myself. Hope it is for others as well.

One Woman Alone

As promised...a poem...

One Woman Alone
By: myself


One woman alone
……abandoned……
She stand against the cold
……forgotten……
Braving the wind and the rain
……beaten……
With no one left to hear her
……forsaken……
Whether she lives or dies
……ignored……
No one hears the whispers shouted into the wind
……helpless……

Alone she lies
……rejected……
Beaten, bruised, bleeding
……misused……
Words cut as knives
……misunderstood……
Twisted around and around
……confused……
Till she no longer knows who said what
……wondering……
Or why it matters
……weary……

Alone she drowns
……help me……
Beneath the weight of her sorrow
……can anyone hear me?……
Mocked and ridiculed because of it
……why Lord?……
Tears run down her face as they scold
……Jesus, I’m suffocating……
She surrenders and gives up
……I can’t take it anymore……
As she is at last told that her pain is imagined and unreal
……it hurts Jesus……

One Man alone
……Gethsemane……
Arms wide open
……Nails……
Blood flowing freely
……covering, healing……
Broken heart, tears falling
……love……
Nail scarred hands holding her close
……His heartbeat……
A whispered promise that echoes
……I AM with you, always……

Alone she kneels
……lonely……
In the presence of the only One left
……comfort……
And pours out her heart
……relief……
Lays down her sins
……repentant……
Gives her grievances over to Him
……forgiveness……
Starts over anew
……mercy……

One woman alone
……not alone……
She stands fortified by God’s grace
……forgiven……
Shored up by His strength
……joy……
Armed with the Truth
……His Word……
To face another day
……new mercies……
Not alone

Monday, November 14, 2005

Recant

Don't you hate it when yousay something stupid and have to take it back?

A while back, I answered a "MEME" question thus:
Three kid's names I like:Boys names:1. Jonathan2. Mark3. Joshua I will never name one of my sons Robert.Girls Names:1. Sierra2. Jewell3. Angela

Never thinking that one of my commenters name, Rob, would most likely be short for Robert.

I am such an idiot sometimes.

So.

To explain - it's not the name Robert...it's the nickname Bob that I don't like.

Hope I didn't offend anyone {Rob}.

Please forgive me if I did. Purty please, with cherries and whip cream and pudding?!?!?!







y'all. Look for a poem tomorrow.

Friday, November 11, 2005

A Twist on the Weekend Question

This weekend, and this weekend only, I'll answer any three questions posed to me by the commentors. Be nice and family friendly, please and thank you.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Price of Vision these days...


Eye Exam = $69

Prescription lenses = $50

Frames = $29


Being able to see clearly without having to tip my head to compensate for the broken frame = PRICELESS

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Each time

Each time I think I've gotten a handle on my sorrow over losing my friend, a new wave rises up to great me.

And it burns because she will sit there and tell me that she's done nothing to hurt me and that I have done soooo much to hurt her. If she ever, ever says that to me again...I might ask her how to spell a word. {{5 letters ... starts with b - ends with an itch}}

And yet - - - I have to remember that love keeps no records of wrongs.

I want to scream.

Instead, I'm going to go home - have a Little Debby treat - and read a Psalm. Or 1 Corinthians 13.

Star Light Star Bright - guess what I saw last night?

I was telling this to a friend, and decided to share with y'all.

Last night, I went to take an article to my pastor, but he wasn't home...and I couldn't just leave it there without my name attached to it somehow and a note, cuz he hates that...and I didn't have a pen with me...and I almost decided to forget about it until today but at the last minute I decided to whip back around to the library to throw together a quick note for him. And it took longer than I expected. All this to say that when I finally got back to Pastors - - - and was walking across their yard - - - I just happened to look up and I saw a falling star...or is it a shooting star? Anyway. It was beautiful. Long and bright tale, that...well, for what it was, it just kind of mosied across the sky.


I love the stars...I always have. I could sit for hours just looking up at them {especially during meteor season} And knowing that God created me, with all my quirks and such, I know that this was His way of shouting down from heaven - "You're not alone!" Not alone. I might not have people here by my side, ready to listen to my piciyune trials, I am not alone.

Psalm 73:23 "Nevertheless I am continually with You, You hold me by my right hand."

Matthew 28:20 - the tale end of the Great Ccommision Jesus says, "I am with you always.

And of course all the promises about the Holy Spirit who is our helper, our comforter.

- - - - - -

And on a completely different subject:

I am getting sooo frustrated. each time I go to work on this novel for the month of November contest thing...the computer eats my new material up. I can't add anything new. It's all being done here at the library and so it's on a disk and it is beginning to annoy me greatly. A friend that I used to email from here said that she was getting emails with virus attachments...but each time I tell Alfonse that, he just ignored it. I mean, hey, how can we here at the library have a virus when the computers are so layered with security that a regular user can't even change the time on the clock in the corner {which is now 12 hours behind the right time}.

OK...whew - I feel better now. LOL!



Monday, November 07, 2005

Solitary Knight

OK, so I was perusing Rob's blog a little and found an excellent essay on, of all things, Batman Begins - along with a few other movies he threw in to illustrate his point. If you want to read it... Go Here!!

One of his comments that caught my attention was this one - "A hero’s journey is a solitary one into uncharted territory."

It is somewhat daunting. I am prepared, sort of, for the loneliness that I feel approaching me...that has already seized me. My friend was a large part of my day...well, ok, afternoon. And we did a lot of stuff together, and not just socially. I was her helper for the kids prayer meeting, and I did my best to help her in whatever she was doing. Well, now she's not doing anything and has in so many words told me to bug off. So - I've bugged off -----and now face hours of being alone. I know, I know....it's one of the "great" things about being single....and I am soooo tired of hearing that.....like any of the married people that I know who have said that to me would give up their spouses and kids for very long in trade of my hours of alone time. But anyway.

There are some things that must be done alone. The entire "wilderness" experience is usually alone [not counting the millions of Jews in the Exodus!!!] Jesus spent hours alone with His Father, it was the source of His strength. And I just happened across the story of when Jesus fed the 5000 - guess where it took place??? In the wilderness. And Mark 1:35 - "Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed."

And yet - I feel so scared. Not of spending time alone with God - - - but of trying and not finding Him there. I have sat with my Bible for countless hours over these past few months and haven't really "felt" anything...which I know sets me up for countless 'It's not about what you feel" comments. yeah yeah. And what if I get something wrong? I can't go to pastor with every little question I come up with. Used to, but the truth is, he doesn't have time for me like he used to.

And yet - God sets the solitary in families [Psalm 68:6]. And I've just had mine taken away from me....not my 'biological' one so don't get your shorts in a wad Cliff. I mean, I haven't just lost my friend, but her entire family which she said I was a part of. Even the dog! I haven't got a dog anymore. Good Lord, listen to me and how selfish I am!

And yet - It is not good for man to be alone. [Genesis 2:18]

you're not laughing at me, are you Rob? Or chuckling, I mean.


Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Who needs more reasons?

Ten Reasons to Listen to Questions Before You Answer

Great article...one I wish I could recommend to several people in my church right now. the key word in that titel is BEFORE. Sheesh. How many arguments could be avoided if we could just learn to listen...myself included.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

The Dark Knight

OK. I will admit it. I have a strange fascination with Batman. I don' t know why exactly, but I do. Wasn't a big fan of Michael Keaton as the Dark Knight, or George Clooney, but did like Val Kilmer. But they gave the new movie to someone other than Tim Burton so it wasn't as comic booky. Although the Scarecrow scenes with the hallucenogenic drug was a bit...intensely gross. Anyhow.......the best line and lesson in the movie is a phrase Bruce Wayne's father says near thebeginning. "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up."

And so that put my week into a whole different perspective, doesn't it. While I would get into trouble for saying that I learned a spiritual lesson from a "worldy secular" movie - I did.

Verses from the bible: Psalm 37:24 "Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand." Psalm 145:14 "The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down." James 3:2a "For we all stumble in many things."

And so. My friend shall have to take care of herself. For far too long it has been that where ever she has gone spiritually, I have followed. Whatever place she is at, that causes her to hate me enough to call me names, I will not go any further into that place of darkness myself. And I was. Didn't realize it completely at first, but I have now and I say "Thus far and no more".

It's going to be lonely. Yeah, I know that God is always with me and all that, even when I can't feel Him. But honestly...I'm very much alone right now, and yes, lonely. Oh, there are those in church who have said that I can talk to them anytime about my present pain, and that they wouldn't tell a soul......but I must say, that I don't trust them very much. I mean, I can't quite explain it, but I get the "feeling" that these persons are like wolves sensing a hurt lamb, or pirahana's smelling blood. Well, if fish smell. I'm not saying that I don't love those who have offered their shoulder to me. But I am not going to cry on them. I am working very heard not to shed my tears of hurt in public. Been doing a so-so job at it. Crying about it here doesn't count as public, although in a sense it is.

I think I'm going to check and see if I have enough money for ice cream, I'm having a hankoring for Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey. Complete change is subject, can you tell?! LOL.

Actually, I have to go back home and get my computer disk because I forgot it. Duh.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Mangled

Never cut your hair when you're upset. Never! I went hacking at my bangs today, frustrated with how they were hanging to my nose...and hacking is the right word for it. My head was at an angle and so I cut them too short. I have a fringe at the top of my forehead now. I think the hair is less than an inch long. yikes! Perhaps I should hack the rest to match. At least then my hair would compliment my crooked glasses. I realize that I don't sit or stand straight, and so I thought that was the problem with my glasses....but Pastor S took them from me today when I was asking her about it and layed them on the table and no doubt about it...somehow they've gotten bent. Maybe that accounts for the headaches!!!!

If anyone wants to see a great haircut, click on my links to the left and go visit Rob...he just got a nifty one. Ok, I think he's cute so I'm biased :P I think that's the word I want there. Anyhow.

I'm trying my hand at the novel in a month contest and as I was writing the first few paragraphs, I realized that it was my Princess story...so I'm going to wait until it's done and update the site here bit by bit instead of doing like I have been. OK. I have 20 some days left to write a couple thousand words...this should be fun.

Later y'all.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tagged!

The One with Three

Here's a little meme that's courtesy of Utenzi. Sorry, I haven't figured out how to do links in the blog yet.

Three names I go by:
1. R.A. Slater
2. Sierra/Ciera
3. Bob {well, the person who calls me this is calling me something else right now, so maybe it's no longer}

Three screen names I have had:
1. Ciera
2. Jedi Princess
3. Sierraanna

Three physical things I like about myself:
1. smile
2. hair
3. eyes

Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. hips
2. teeth
3. uhm......busom [lack thereof] - - - sorry guys, I couldn't think of anything else, and it's the sad truth.

Three parts of my heritage:
1. German (50%)
2. Scottish (?%)
3. Those are the only two I know of for sure...although I once had an old man accuse me of being Irish because I was 'so damned stubborn'.

Three things that scare me:
1. total darkness
2. the thought of having an accident with my bus with kids on it
3. when good friends go bad

Three of my everyday essentials:
1. coffee
2. donuts
3. sleep

Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. Delirious? (yeah the question mark is part of their name)
2. Todd Agnew
3. Alan Jackson

Three of my favorite songs:
1. It's Gonna Rain [Delirious?]
2. Devotion [Newsboys]
3. Grace Like Rain [Todd Agnew]

Three things I want in a relationship:
1. Friendship
2. Grace/forgiveness
3. mmmmmm....

Three lies and truths in no particular order:
I'll let you decide what's what.
1. I'm very unemotional and hardhearted
2. I can lay on the couch and read for hours without noticing time pass
3. Chocolate is one of my food groups, right below cheese

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me:
1. Smile [kind, warm, generous...inviting]
2. eyes [same as above - color matters not]
3. Hands

Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. writing
2. reading
3. computer stuff

Three things I want to do really badly right now:
1. talk to someone I email in person
2. silence my boss so he'll quit bothering me while I'm not on duty
3. Have another donut...ok, I'd settle for a brownie!!!!

Three careers I've considered:
1. Church Pastor [not after this month - not ever again]
2. English Teacher
3. Pampered Chef Consultant

Three Places I want to vacation:
1. Alaska [Northern lights]
2. Hawaii
3. UK

Three kid's names I like:
Boys names:
1. Jonathan
2. Mark
3. Joshua
I will never name one of my sons Robert.
Girls Names:
1. Sierra
2. Jewell
3. Angela

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. get married
2. have several fiction books published
3. meet some of my blogger friends in person..ok, most of them...several...oh, all of them

Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy:
I have no way to asnwer this one. I like sci-fi and Indiana Jones and stuff, but no gorey stuff.

Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. I like shopping, especially shoe shopping
2. I love chocolate
3. I really like jewelry and stuff, even though I don't wear it often, but I like sparklely stuff.

Three celeb crushes:
oh sheesh, do I really have to admit this???
1. Alexander Siddig [Dr. Bashir on Deep Space Nine]
2. Jake Gyllenhaal
3. Richard Dean Anderson and Scott Bakula

Three people I would like to see post this meme:
Going to be nice...and just tag my brother Cliff. :)