Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Not A Happy Girl

I am so not happy right now.

Months ago, almost a year ago, I let a couple of friends of mine put their car in my name. Title, Registration, and it's on my insurance. So at the end of each month, I have to get a check from them to cover their portion of the insurance. I was told on Monday that I could pick it up on Tuesday...but when I called Tuesday afternoon, I was told that the husband hadn't left the check. Pardon my language, but WTF????

I am at the mercy of other people right now, and don't know when I'll get back home since I'm spending today at Mom's since she needs her van today. The insurance withdrawal stands a good chance of bouncing now. I was a little immature and hung up the phone upon hearing this news, and there awaits me an email in my Inbox as I type this, which I will read before I publish this post.

I mean, it's not like this is a surprise expense to them. It's the same amount at the same time of month. I shouldn't have to come back 2-3 days in a row to get the check.

I've read the email, and I am such a meanie. {eyeball roll} I'm sorry she's depressed and such, but that doesn't change the responsibility of her and her husband. He should have left the check - end of story. Then I wouldn't have to deal with her pity party....just my own!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life sucks. For so many different reasons right now.

Monday, January 29, 2007


I am somewhat recovered from my pity party from yesterday. Somewhat. I went home from church yesterday and slept....all the rest of the day. Woke up about midnight but decided to stay in bed. Got up about 6 this morning, knowing that my sleep schedule is now messed up again.

The cost for most of the repairs for my car is at $150. This will be going up once the totals for the inspection [which was past due] are added. I'll find that out tomorrow. Still - that's not a bad price, especially since I hit it so hard! Nothing runs like a deer - until it gets in my way!!!

Of course, I don't quite have the money to fix'd be so nice to have that kind of money just laying around! {I'd have gone to England myself a long time ago if that were so!} But, like some people have mentioned, our income taxes will be coming in shortly, or it should once we get all of our W2's! I'll have to catch up on rent some other way.

Like I said to Pastor Sharon a little while ago...I'm depressed and anxious. Which honestly is to be expected right now.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

Just Venting, No Comments Allowed

Back in August, I awoke one morning to a sad revelation: everyone in my life has people, things ahead of me on their list of priorities. Some things I can deal with: like spouses and kids. Other things were just plain stupid {I happen to hate a certain person's dump truck with a passion}. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it did make me sad. It still does.

And today, another thing that I've realized is that for some reason....I'm just not good enough.

I'm not good enough to be a constant friend, just good enough to fill in as a substitute when she's fighting with her friend at work.

I'm not good enough for a real relationship, but good enough for a roll in the hay.

I'm not good enough to be in church leadership, but am good enough to prepare communion [well, that might have changed, I haven't done that for months]. I might be good enough to be a supervisor at work---someday.

I'm not good enough to cross the ocean for, just good enough to be a fancied friend. One of the reasons why I gave up on England last year, was because he was supposed to come over last summer to meet me...and he canceled. On one level, I understood his reasons. On another, I was very angry and disappointed. It broke my heart more than words can really express. I always felt that he should have done whatever was necessary to come meet me, but his feelings for me just weren't strong enough I guess.

You know, I'm a good woman. I'm not perfect, and I certainly have my flaws, and my bitchy moments, but at the heart of me is a good woman. Sometimes I might spend too much, sometimes I might eat too much chocolate, sometimes I spend too much time reading...but I am also generous, kind and loving...Love me and I will be yours for life....wrapped around your little finger...devoted...willing to be talked into doing anything you want me to do...not because I'm a doormat...but because I love you and want to please you. I am a passionate woman, and want to regarded in the same manner. I want to be treasured ... desired ... pampered ... respected ... loved ... fought for ... sought after ... important in your life ... Why is that so much to ask? Apparently because I'm not good enough!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Keys To My Heart

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

Side note: I'm a MySpacer now!

Friday, January 26, 2007

The Edge

Edge-On Galaxy NGC 5866 taken by the Hubble Telescope.

Sigh. A space picture to cheer me up.

My sad little car needs:
~ radiator
~ grill
~ fender
~ hood
~ head light fixture
~ and it needs the brackets that hold the radiator pulled forward so that the radiator will sit where it's supposed to and not up against the shifting lever.

I haven't a clue how much this will cost, and whether it will be feasible to fix. It's all very depressing...and yet....since crazy stuff like this has been happening ever since I recommitted my life to Christ...I am rather amused. Strange girl!

I have to get some some's been rough again ever since I hit this deer. ggrrr.....

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Creamed Venison Anyone?

Yesterday morning, about quarter to 4, I creamed a deer with my car. Plowed the thing right down as it ran into my path. I was driving Russ home before coming up to drop Mom's paper off, and came around this curve and there was this deer standing in the opposite lane...until I saw it, then it darted my way. Not a pretty picture----- the hood of the car is buckled, the area around my one working headlight was demolished [although the light still works fine] my door is dent so that it won't open all the way, it's a standard transmission and it was stuck in neutral [the clutch wouldn't pop back up], and I'm quite certain it was leaking something from underneathe. Sigh. Not looking good for the Geo :(

And yes, I was SO wasteful and just let the deer lay. I don't do venison. I don't like the taste. Ew. Give me beef anyday.

Ok. Have to go and get myself home so I can sleep. I didn't get much after hitting the deer as I had phone calls to make.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Return of the Superhero

We'll see how long this lasts, but ------- Bob is back.

Bee Who You're Meant To Bee

Found this pic online and thought it was neat. Up close and personal of a Bee --- being a Bee.

And I am, if nothing else, a writer and a poet. As I was posting an old poem on my poetry blog, I felt another poem stir----kind of like a 'part two' or a sequel to it. It was really kind of a neat experience. The new poem I'll post tomorrow on Heart of a Poet. Just because I can! I am so encouraged by this. I went almost a whole year without being able to write a single poetic word...and it's been almost as long if not longer since I've been able to write fiction...but this is my second poem in less than a week. And they're pretty good.

In fact, the last poem I wrote, "Fire In The Sky", also posted on my blog Heart of a Poet so went with church Sunday morning. The songs that Sean led worship with and Pastor's sermon. That was encouraging too. It's not about just seeing God's glory for ourselves, although it is a GREAT thing to behold...awesome...but it's also so that we can be changed in order to show others His glory, to show them Him and His love for them. It's about souls.

OK. I'm done preaching!

For now! :)


Saturday, January 20, 2007


I thought that this was an interesting result to this quiz...but I love that pic...wish my legs were really that nice!!!

What Spirit of Emotion Lives Within You?

The spirit of desperation lives within you. You hate the state of your life and are desperate to improve it, but feel trapped in your circumstances. You are frantic to escape your life, but don't know how.
Take this quiz!


Make A Quiz More Quizzes Grab Code

I haven't got anything else I much want to say right now. Life is the same old grind stone. I'm at the tail end of a 7 day work stretch, I have to get through tonight then I'll have Sunday and Monday night off. Monday Mom has some minor surgery, but they're putting her out for it, and she very heavily hinted that she would like me there for it. Sister Sara has a cyst on her ovary. Steve won't pay back the money my brother Cliff spent on him in August and he's threatened to go to the cops claiming that I'm 'harrassing' him....asshole anyways [Steve, not CLiff!!] Paige, whom I don't visit much anymore, because she gives me as much anxiety as Steve did, just gave me a present, a nice little throw blanket that could double as a wall hanging....a nice picture with the Serenity Prayer on it.....and I so can't help but wonder if she has a motive, but I am just hoping that she gave it to me just because, ya know? And I sure do say a lot for someone who said she didn't have a lot to say! Shutting up now!!! :)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


Was going through some old drafts and found this. Thought it was still pretty so I decided to post it!

On a side note, I had a long talk with one of the girls at work tonight, and discovered that at 24, she no longer believes in 'love'. It just goes to show the difference between people in this world. She and I have both been hurt by men, and while I doubt I will ever find one that loves me in return [on this side of the ocean] I still believe in 'love' and hope for it. In that, we're very alike...sort of....she says she wants a man to love her, and a family, and a normal life [I didn't have the heart to tell her that there is no such thing, who defines 'normal' ? What's normal to her, wouldn't be normal to me!] But she doubts it will ever happen even more than I do [for myself].

What's sadder, is that I know that there are girls much younger than her that feel the same way. Perhaps I am the foolish one to believe that 'love' still exists in this world?...that men aren't all assholes?... I dunno. Still gonna hope for it :)

Additional Note: The picture is a time lapsed photo of the night sky behind an observatory, I'd have to do some investigating to find out exactly where.

Monday, January 15, 2007


I'm tired. Usually on my days off, I catch up on sleep. For some reason, that didn't happen this weeked. :( I just couldn't sleep, though I tried. I worked tonight though, and am almost ready to try again.

Church was good today. :) We had a guest speaker, who happened to be someone from early in my church experiences, so that was nice.

Haven't got much else to say.

Except everyone can wish Jean-Luc a belated happy birthday. He turned *?* years old yesterday! :)

Friday, January 12, 2007


I love these things.....

You Are From the Sun

Of all your friends, you're the shining star.
You're dramatic - loving attention and the spotlight.
You're a totally entertainer and the life of the party.
Watch out! The Sun can be stubborn, demanding, and flirty.
Overall, you're a great leader and great friend. The very best!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

But Only One Me!!!
LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Thursday, January 04, 2007


So...I've started going back to the church I left...there really is no place like home when you're hurting...and I asked Pastor Norm what I had to do to get my membership back...I sent an email in August I think, asking that it be withdrawn....and he said that he never did anything about it. So I'm still a member.

Amazing man, I think.

Simply amazing.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


What a web he weaves.

So, I lovingly spread the gossip that Steven's girl is pregnant and they don't know if it's his or not. And he retaliates by telling people that I made it up, that we were never dating and only fooling around, and that I'm obsessed with him. LOL!!! Like anyone believes him anyway.

I saved the Messenger conversation in which both he and Heather told me they were pregnant. I can take anyone right into the hard copy, of which I don't possess the knowledge to change.

Everyone knows that he and I were dating...even Heather knew that...for crying out loud, I've lost count of how many times she told me how glad she was that I was the one dating Steven and not her. And if you're just folloing around with a girl, you don't go to family things with her, where her brother pays your way into an amusement park [I've asked for that money back even though I'll probably never see it]...I hope he still has the bruise the rollercoaster gave him. You don't tell her that you'll do anything to prove that there's nothing going on with the other woman...if there's no relationship and it's all about sex, then why would it matter if there was anything going on with another woman? His own twisted logic trips him up.

And everyone knows who I am "obsessed" with now [I'm quite certain even Matt knows I like him] and if I am at all obsessed with Steven it is in relation to making his life even a quarter of the living hell he made my life. Continues to make my life, since my period really was a week late in coming...since I had to have a test for an STD recently that I'm still waiting for the results too.


I don't have to make up lies about Steven to tell. The truth is scary enough.