Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Holiday Greetings

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hannukah!

Happy Boxing Day!

Did I miss anybody?

I hit a deer last week, with Mom's van. Her insurance is fixing it (headlight) and provided us with a rental for two days while it's in the garage. I've been driving around in a PT Cruiser....which is kind of nice...our van sucks compared to it. I have to take it back today :( Oh well.

I've been the only one driving it as well, because Mom ran away for the holidays. She went to spend a week or two with my brother Cliff. Both of them have to hit me with what a terrible person I am...all said via email of course. So I'm not missing Mom and have written my brother off my wedding invite list if I ever marry.

Anything to spoil the holidays for me...well, it won't work. I'm just not checking my email!

Hope everyone has a safe holiday.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Life Happens

Long time no write, I know. I've been busy living life.

I've been working...and those duties have changed. The other woman in the nightshift pre-press department has transfered to Days. Which leaves me to take her place. Which is no big deal, but they are in no hurry to put a person in my position, so I have to do double duty a lot. With out a raise - because the company is under a hiring/wage freeze for the upcoming year because our economy sucks and we're trying to save money so we don't have to fire anyone. Although if certain persons don't shape up soon, they're going to find themselves without a job shortly.

There are a lot of nights I wait for Justin to get out of work so that we can hang out afterwards and so I can give him a ride home. He doesn't have a vehicle other than his bicyle right now, and I like to give him a ride home when I can. Which is often. His parents won't give him a ride to work, for some reason I don't understand. He could get a ride from his uncle, who works with us...but Jake won't do it on a regular basis without gas money even though it doesn't cost him any extra gas. Should Justin give him something for gas, yes. Should it be as strict of an issue as it is? I don't think so. His parents are obviously just as strict - heck we have to have their permission to go out on a date on our night off. Oookay ... we're both over 21 so I'm not sure what the issue is. Although they would very much like to have him move out. {which my mom says she'll think about letting him move in}

And so I've been very tired. I haven't gotten online much at all, not even to check email everyday like I used to [Sorry Jean-Luc].

But I've been happy. Well, happier than usual anyway :) And I think that's a very good thing.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Don't ever...

Don't ever go back to work early from sick leave. It's not worth it. Not even on light duty. I've had to do other people's jobs and rearrange my schedule. It's all back to normal next week, but the point it - what would they have done if I had stayed off like I wanted to?!?! I only went back to be nice because they lost two people while I was gone...the new guy messed up his drug test and Christina either quit or was fired.

That's probably the best news I have right now. Apparently she was written up twice in one night and she didn't think she should have been b/c "Everybody does it" so she cleaned out her locker and told co-workers that she was quitting. So when she came back on her next night, she was told that she couldn't come back to work without talking to Brian first. She talked to Brian and tried to convince him that Tempy was singling her out, but it didn't convince him and she hasn't been back. I haven't checked her MySpace recently, maybe later....she likes to put up loaded Status know complaining about the bitches she works with etc...well, if I'm a bitch, it's b/c I learned her free lessons too well.

Justin and I are still an item. His parents don't like me though. I suppose that's not all that uncommon, but since they haven't taken the time to get to know me at all, their quick judgment kind of hurts.

It's so warm here is PA that there is a dandelion blossoming in our driveway!

Ok, I'm tired and still have to go into work tonight.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Not-So-Exciting Times...

Ok, not much is going on here. I'm almost back to my normal sleeping schedule...back to being a nightshifter. I still sleep a good bit, though I think I'm almost caught up. I still don't do a whole lot because those staples in my stomach are still there and it really kind of hurts to bump them.

The gang at work got me a card. I went in to pick up a school candy order tonight and picked it up. Almost everybody signed it...even a few of the characters on dayshift signed it! Awww...I feel loooooved! Well, sort of. LOL! Really, I thought it was nice of everyone. And BOO on those who didn't sign!

There is a good chance the one isn't there anymore! Christina was written up twice - one for looking at other people's time cards [hello - if she wasn't punching them in or out for lunch, she had no business looking at tehm!] and one for goofing off during the Daily. Uhm - nothing wrong with goofing just don't make a habit of it during the Daily...especially when you have a dayshift supervisor on nightshift...especially one that doesn't get around good and mostly sits in the office to keep an eye on things!!! Duh! Well, she apparently was so pissed off about that - that she cleaned her locker out, and tore down her pictures [are we in highschool?] and told a couple co-workers that she was quitting. She has to talk to the Big Boss before she can come back. I wonder what the odds are that she'll manage to sweettalk herself back into her job? Make everyone else out to be the bad guy. Just like Paige, she's really good at that.

I can't even type right, probably those bummed up nerves in my hand. Darn it! It'd better not be's my writing hand! All right, I'm done for now.


Friday, October 17, 2008

Call me...Pin cushion

Holy feels like someone has used my belly as a pin cushion! At least the painpills take away the most. I take it every four hours, and still it hurts a little if I move just right. try putting the cats out when it hurts to bend over! Mom and I had to do it last night b/c Liston was no help at all. He hasn't been all week.

Anyway, my surgery was just a couple of hours. They were able to take the gallbladder out laprascopically...I don't think I spelled that right, but I'm too tired to look up the proper spelling. I'm having enough trouble just spotting normal typos. So, I have 4 little incisions...three along the middle of my torsoe - a total of 9 little staples, and one at the bottom of my bellybutton which has probably about 8 or so regular stitches. I swear that's the one that bothers me the worst.

I've been sleeping a lot. I was up the most today, about 8 hours, before taking a nap. Most of it is just to hide from Buddy, even though he hasn't been too bad. The cat likes to sit in my lap which is ok if she doesn't lay against the belly. Which is what she likes to do. I was so sleepy after the surgery that the doctor had me stay overnight in the hospital, which was ok. I saw the doctor Friday morning, and he says I'm recovering fine...that he wishes all his patients that he operated on a Monday looked as good as I did on Friday. I don't know about that, but that was encouraging. He cleared me to drive again, but I think I'm going to wait a few days.

Our water has been fixed! Yay!!!!! A pipe down near the pump needed to be replaced b/c a hole had rusted through it. It's still muddy though, but that's ok - we have water pressure now! Double YAY!!!! Now we just need to get the furnace fixed...Liston's been too busy working [2 jobs...that take ALL his time?] and can't even buy the part. He already owes Mom money from the week of his driving classes that she took out, borrowed against herself and the morgage...I bet I'll be the one to make up the difference though. I've only got $24 left till next Friday b/c I just paid car/house insurance and food shoppped a little today [which is how I know I don't want to drive yet, boy was I cranky] so I hope that part isn't more than that.

Ok, I have to rest now.

ps ~ I haven't forgotten you Jean-Luc, honest.

Monday, October 13, 2008

6 hours

Well, in 6 hours I must be reporting in to the hospital to have my gallbladder taken out. Since I've never had any kind of operation, I'm a little scared. A little nervous. But it's been aching enough that I just want it to be over and done again. Sigh. I ought to try to get some sleep. But in a minute or two.

I'll be off work at least 2 week...but since I can't lift anything heavier than a jug of milk for 3 weeks I'll probably just take the entire 3 weeks off. Which might be a very nice break! Christina has still been giving me attitude...why? Beats me...maybe because I still have a boyfriend?

Yep, Justin and I are still dating. We had our first argument the other day. Sadly we haven't had a chance to make up yet, but I know we will. Besides, we won't see each other this entire week - he might find out just howm uch he misses me! lol!! I can't drive for a week after this morning, and he doesn't have anything other than his bicycle right now so he can't come see me.

If I'm lucky, Brian and Tempy will have managed to come up with a good enough reason to fire Christina while I'm gone. You would think that sexually harassing the one supervisor would have been enough. The company I work for does not always make sense. Since they're all about saving money, you'd think they'd get rid of the person who continually runs employees away [on purpose!]....Go figure...

I guess. I ought to get a nap. Well, in a few days, I'll have a couple weeks to catch up with blogging.

is everybody?

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Life has been happening recently. So much so that I just haven't had time to blog. Or answer long emails.

Justin and I have been spending a lot of time together in the month we've been dating. I guess we must like each other a little bit.

I have to have gallbladder surgery next month, the 13th. I'll probably spend time then catching up wth you all since I won't be able to even drive for the 1st week after the surgery.

NOOO!!!! I'll be housebound!!! HELP!!!!!!!!

Christina has been giving me attitude for about the past two weeks at work. No reason I can think of, except that I'm happy in life and excelling at work and is probably jealous. She so needs to grow up!!

alright, off to do something somewhere...

Sunday, August 31, 2008


I'm a little calmer today. Not by much.

That asshole I was stupid enough to give my virginity to will not leave me alone. He's requested me as a friend on "Tagged"....yeah, ok, right....It's too little too late....far too late to try to be my friend.

Steven: GO AWAY!!!!

I have a new boyfriend. Justin's nicer, kinder, gentler....he's more fun to be with...treats me with respect. I fall a little more in love with him each day.

Ok, I'm going to bed. I fell at work tonight and am just a little achy in spots.

Saturday, August 30, 2008


posts are going to be thin for a while....few and far between.

there's been lines drawn since I've gotten a boyfriend [he's for real too!] and so I will no longer be using the house computer. Don't want to run up the electric bill and stuff, especially since the computer belongs to Mother and Liston ~ even though I've been the one paying the internet. which I'll no longer be doing.

have to get to bed.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I have....

I have a boyfriend.

Not sure how serious it is yet, but so far it's more real than the last one.

Want to hear more?

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Once in a While

Every once in a while, I almost think I have an interesting life. Not often, just once in a while.

Sunday morning, like, between 4 and 5 am, I get home from putting the Sunday paper together...I flip on the computer, you know, check email and log onto Yahoo Messenger so I can have my weekly chat with Jean-Luc and there was an Add Request...from my EX of all people! It's been almost 2 years since we've even talked...and I've only seen him in passing a handfull of times. Curious, I decide to add him just because I want to see what he wants. Turns out - he just wanted sex. {eyeball roll} Apparently his chicky that he left me for, left him! It couldn't have happened to a nicer fella. After laughing my ass of, I told him - no, I'm not that lonely. Ever!

This after Saturday night on the inserter, Justin yakking my ear off even though there was a coworker in between us. Justin said something to me, that just irritated me...I don't even remember what it was now, but it was after the wide-load conversation, so I know it wasn't that....but I said to the coworker inbetween us that I'd smack Justin but he'd probably like it...which is when coworker Steve [not to be confused with the Ex] 'yeah, I already think he's got a crush on you' which I reply, 'I've been wondering that myself..........Can you blaim him? I am kinda cute!' But that would explain why he so often puts his foot in his mouth around me.

Like the wide load comment. Months ago he said something as I passed by, then asked if I had heard him. I hadn't because my mind was somewhere else. He wasn't going to tell me, but I drug it out of him. He had made a comment about a 'wide load passing through' or something like that. I gave him a sound yelling at and if I could have gotten closer I'd have taken his head off. I know I'm a wide woman, but it's not like I need the reminder! And it didn't end there...just this past Saturday night, he was telling me how tempy had brought that comment up. ???? So, I yelled at him again [I really think he likes seeing me that animated] and asked tempy about it. Apparently she had been trying to get it through to him that sometimes he says stupid that comment. I told her that I didn't think it had gotten through to him.

But I added him to my MySpace friends anyway.

Ah well, I've got to rescue my princess from her dungeon because she has a wedding to go to in a bit...and I'll have to come up with a name for her you have any idea how hard that is?!

That and brother and I are watching Star Trek First Contact so I'm distracted that way too.

Later! :)

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Can Fish Drown?

If a fish falls out of the water...does it drown on air? I don't know, but I do know that if the aquarium is too crowded...then the fish can drown right in the water. What do you think?

Believe it or not - but this question has spawned something of a war at work...and it's not pretty. Some people just have to be right no matter what the cost.

I found a neat's full of quotes. Which is good because I was looking for my favorite by Emily Dickenson..."They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse." I've already posted it on my MySpace blog, and I'll probably post more there since it's not my "real" blog --- shhhhhh --- don't tell!

Off for some sleep. :)

Monday, August 04, 2008

When did I say that?

My sister-in-law Liz called last night and wanted someone to ride along with her to WalMart. Well, I was bored and like spending time with her once in a while. We talked about different family issues going on right now. From Liston's attraction, to Duane's possible upcoming leg amputation {Duane's her hubby}. Somewhere in there, our pasts came up. Before marrying my brother, she had a string of lovers...while I didn't even have sex until I was almost the heart of us, we're really not that different, though I don't know she'd ever see it. Anyway, she made a comment that sometimes she wished that she was more like, dumb-ass that I am, I ask her exactly how she meant that. Her reply? "You've never wanted a steady relationship."


When have I ever said that?!?!?!?!?!

I would LOVE to find a man who loves me...who wants to know the woman inside as much as much as he wants to fuck the outside woman...just because I haven't found that man, doesn't mean I don't want that relationship. I'm just not willing to lower certain standards. I am 32 years old, and I'm sorry I refuse to hitch up with the first man who sniffs around...and yes, if I get a hint that all he wants is sex, I'll drop him like a hotcake b/c I don't have time for games. Nor do I have the patience. I want someone who's going to be responsible. And I want someone who is willing to let me be the woman God created me to be. Of course, I know that I will have to give the same in return, and that I'll have to sacrifice my own desires once in a while. I'm not stupid. Niave maybe, but not stupid. While there are times when all I want is a really good roll in the hay...those times haven't always been at the same time that I've got some hound dog sniffing around and I've been safe from the bad decisions that I made with Steve...and I'm smart enough to know that it's God protection. I might not always like it at the time, but afterwards...I've been like..."Wow, I was that close to screwing up again, and God protected me. Even from myself!"

I am honest enough to admit that I'm pretty skittish right now about any guy...with one exception but he lives in England. Between the 50 year old from the 4th of July, and my own brother...I just feel like a piece of meat. I'm more than that. I'm a crazy zany woman with a love of books and chocolate who is just beginning to rediscover her writing voice. I like to sleep late when I can, and I like listening to the thunder in the distance [it's when it's directly overhead that I begin to not like it as much!]. And I'd really like to find a guy who wants to find that out. I'm also high-strung, spend a lot of time in the realm of make-believe {hello? I'm a writer!} and sometimes have trouble controlling my fiery temper - so my imaginary man is also going to have to be a little patient....and calm...and gentle.

Maybe that's my problem. I want too much.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Google Meme

Mimi had a MeMe posted just the other day. I found her through Jean-Luc who did the meme as well...I didn't get tagged by him because he doesn't tag people, but I felt like doing it anyways. Because I'm bored I guess.

What you do, is "google" your name followed by the word needs and see what pops up. All I got for Ciera was a bunch of car stuff, nothing interesting. I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to go ahead and do it anyways.

Here's a few I got when I googled my real name. I'm placing my screen name in it's place though...just because I feel like it!

1. Ciera Needs Somebody to Love. {well - duh! I've been saying this for years!}
2. Ciera needs You! {Yes you! Now quit looking so surprised and get over here!}
3. Ciera needs a Band. {I do? Does that come with groupies?}
4. Ciera needs help with a little securities fraud. {sounds ugly}
5. Ciera needs your help. {See #2}
6. Ciera does not self-preserve. {that doesn't sound good!}
7. Gothic America - Ciera needs help gonig downhill. {All I need is a good push}
8. Ciera needs to get a job! {I like the one I have thank you very much!}
9. I have a baby Ciera! Need help? {not if you're the one with the baby..unless you're asking for my help....}
10. Ciera needs to go ride her bike. {if I had one, I think I would...though I would wait until daylight...}

Ah, that brightens my day already! Kind ofl ike this random picture off our computer. Enjoy!



Friday, August 01, 2008


Well, that was actually a rather boring birthday. I slept most of it away, one of the curses/blessings of working nightshift I geuss. No cake, no cards, although I can't complain too much as there were a few well-wishers. Tempy sang to me half a dozen times, Creative Services put in a happy ad for me. I didn't explode, which is always a good thing! Caught myself wanting to cry too many times to count...that entire single and no kids thing still hurts.

But, I survived. That's what counts!
Work is same old drama. Rob was fired and so Christina is pouting. Tempy is the new supervisor, so I guess she's not going to be in the pressroom as much anymore. And actually, there's nothing much else interesting to tell there.
I guess I'm in a boring mundane stretch. Which is ok. Better than one crisis after another!
I have to go write a Zion post.
Want to hear something crazy? Sure you do, or you wouldn't be reading my blog in the first place. Anyway, I've been thinking alot on my new hero blog and I'm actually thinking there's something to if I gave it a chance, it could mutate into an actual novel. Of course, there'd be a few changes, the mixed universe would be out {sorry Jean-Luc, I'd have to write you out for that} and I'd probably leave Earth out of it completely, though I'm not sure about that yet, but that's the direction I would be leaning if I were to do it. It's still in the concept phase, but even if I leave it as a blog, it's still a lot of fun to think on.
Ok, now I'm going to go work on my other post! :)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Post 365

Post 365 is just to say - It's my birthday!

I'm not sure if I'm happy about it yet or not. I'll let you know later!

Monday, July 28, 2008



Mom got rid of her catheter last week. Yay! She has to go back Tuesday for another check up though, and depending on how that goes, she might be going to see Cliff and fam sometime after that.

Liston is still in denial over - well, everything. He's even managed to loose his most recent job. No telling on what he plans on doing next.

I really am supporting 3 people on my really kind of sucks. Thank God for what Mom gets each month to meet her bankruptcy and mortgage payments.

Work is its ever interesting dramatic self. We might be without a nighttime supervisor - again. This is the second one, well third if you count Christina's attempt, in the 2 years that I've been there.

Paige, my so called best friend hasn't returned any of my emails in over a week. I know she just had a new grandbaby, but she could at least call. Especially since their car is still in my name and they still owe me money for the last payment. I've threatened to drop it from my insurance if it isn't taken care of soon.

I'm still depressed. I have my happy moments....but then life weighs me down. It's my birthday again this Thursday. 32. And the things that have changed since the depression started at 29: *I no longer go to that church, ok, I don't go anywhere right now; *I no longer have my own apartment and live back at home with Mom; *I no longer have the same friends, I don't think I have any 'close' friends left; *My car doesn't work right now and I can't afford to get it fixed as I wasn't allowed to spend my Economic Stimulus Check as I wanted. Everything else is still the same. I've just lost the will to live beyond the moment, and even that is a toleration of the burdens I bear. I no longer hope for a happy future, I just long for release.

Monday, July 14, 2008

What A Week

Mom came home Friday afternoon...with a catheter still in her. Apparently, her arthritis medication has been causing her kidney's to swell and has been the source of her problems. Took them long enough to figure this out. I think they're also going to test her thyroid. That's a family problem, her sister has problems with her's and she said that sometimes that comes with urinary/bladder problems. I have no idea how long she'll need the catheter.

My brother who had the milktruck accident 6? years ago has broken his bad leg again...the leg never healed as strong as it should have, and he keeps breaking it near the knee. He's joked about just having them take it off, but I don't know whether that will be something that will happen or not.

My other brother admitted to me the night before Mom came home that the reason why he treats me like shit is because he's sexually attracted to me. ????????????? Somehow apparently it's my fault and so that justifies his treatment of me I guess. I have run the entire gamut of emotions over this...shock, disbelief, disgust, depression, anger...blah blah blah...I just don't know about this. Somethings a family just can't shake and apparently along with alcoholism, inapproriate sexual attractions is one of my family's...Oh joy...I encouraged him to get counseling, whether he will, I don't know. I think it would be best for him if he were to move out - after all he is 24, and since I'm the one that's been volunteered to be Mom's caretaker....although I have begun seriously to think about moving back out regardless...

Of course, if I do that...I'll be labeled as selfish and uncaring for my mother. I can almost bet on that. I might be wrong on that...I'd love to be wrong on that. But unfortunately, my family lives by that damned code of silence that goes with this kind of crap.

I almost had a date Sunday. Well, I did have a date, but I broke it. I met a guy that I thought I might like to get to know better, aside from being kind of cute, he did look like he might be a gently when he called and aasked if I wanted to go out, I said sure...and then the conversation got interesting. I was asked to spend the night, whether I wore pj's to bed and whether I liked to watch dirty movies or not. Huh? We're only going on a date...not getting married. Sheesh. I'll probably be accused by mutual friends that my standards are too high...but oh well - I'm just not that lonely yet!

I'll try to get back to my story and my alter ego soon...but my what a long week it's been...I'm going to bed...{by myself!}

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

No Time Now

Mom is in the hospital again.

more later.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

I think that says it all. Happy 4th my fellow Americans!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008


Liston washed a load of clothes too close to the tiem I had to it used up the water and I couldn't shower and I missed my PT appointment because I just feel too yucky to just wash up and go onthat through both PT and then work. Blech! My face just feels so greasy...I've got a pimple in the crease of my nose...I think I hate those the worst...and one along the temple. My period's over and done with for a few days now, so perhaps it's just the hot and humid weather. Or maybe I'm just going to have a pimply week.

I can't believe they voted Nepharia off of LGS3. They're mad, I tell you. Apparently you have to be nuts or just plani suck to stay alive on that. I hope they didn't vote her off because of my brat attack. I didn't post anything there except those two comments on the post...I kept everything else here on the bitch and vent blog. We've exchanged a couple emails and we made up, which I referenced in the second comment I left. I hope I hear from her again, I really kind of like her. ~ As much as one can 'like' a Sith Lord! LOL!

What is up with the flies biting my ankles? Mom says it's a sign of a storm coming. Which wouldn't surprise me really, because it's that hot yucky weather that usually spawns thunderstorms. But this has been going on for, like, two days now. It did rain yesterday...well, not in our little dip in the hill, but it did rain around us. Maybe some will hit us today?

My mind has been working overtime on my fiction sites...I think I'll have to alternate posts to help keep things straight, at least in my own mind. Next post will have to be on Zion's Children then...give me a couple more days.

Sometimes I hate waiting for things in the mail. I'm waiting on 4 boxes of new the rate I use checks anymore, they ought to last me a good year or so, if not more. So, with that in mind, I splurged and got a design on these. Butterflies. Because I like butterflies ~ they make me happy. I'm also waiting on a new coffee pot I'm getting through Gevalia. It comes with a carafe and a traveling mug and 2 packages of their flavored coffee. I probably won't stay enrolled in that for long....this was a good deal, all taht stuff for a little over $20...but any other time, their coffee costs an arm and a leg. But it's sooooo good! I got French Vanilla flavor and Chocolate Raspberry. I've gotten them before so I know that I like them ~ I didn't feel like venturing out of my comfort zone this time. Maybe later.

All right. I've got to get ready for work soon, and I'd like to look at a few blogs other than my own and I still have to figure out what I want my character's Byrin's next thoughts to be. Do I keep him focused on his work, or is this one of those moments when his mind wanders to the pretty Miri? I haven't decided yet...

Y'all have a good day! :)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Moving On

Moving on to other even less delightful topics.

What is up with my self described BFF {best friend forever} not even returning a phone call? Paige hasn't even emailed me this week. I tried calling her last Sunday...Roger talked to me for a little while...but it's been a week and I've heard nothing from Paige. I think that hurts worse than anything Nepharia might have done. All she did was damage my pride...Paige is hurting my heart.

But then this is nothing new is it?

Life has changed so much in the past few years. It can be hard to handle sometimes. I no longer have the same friends...heck, I'm not even sure I have friends. Not like I used to. That is probably one of the hardest things.

Ok, I have to finish an email. I'll probably be back later.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Furious With Nepharia

Furious with Nepharia, I arm myself with my lightsaver and a ysalamiri and I stride quickly down the hall of the Leviathan Loveboat.

I find her in the main promenade, amusing herself by bending the unsuspecting passengers to her will. Which abruptly stops when I come near her with the ysalamiri, whose natural defenses push the Force away from itself, and therefore anything or anyone in its immediate vacinity. She turns in surprise, her lightsabers snapping on.

"You? More trouble with the hot water in your room?" she asked sarcastically.

"Hardly. I'm here to protest your portraying me as a swooning flake whose sidekick can't even fix the hotwater in their room. Kirk can run a 9 unit press by himself if he has to...somehow, I think he can manage the hot water system of this ship. Especially since it's a living being. And I don't swoon." I flick the switch on my ornamental spear and the purple lightsaber shaft appears. "Ever. I might be a young blog character, who doesn't know who she is yet...but that does not give you the liberty to use my identity at your own whim. Even if you are a Dark Jedi."

"And what are you going to do about it?"

"I'd like an apology, and the promise that it will not happen again...but since I'm unlikely to receive such..." I raise my lightsaber onehanded, a sure sign of a novice...and as she begins to smile, no doubt already envisioning me without my lightsaber and on my knees begging for her mercy...I promptly shoot her with the blaster I had hidden in my other hand.

Her body thuds unconsciously to the floor and I look to the other contestants, "I am not a woman to be trifled with. Don't make me lodge an official protest. " I turn with a sweep of my cape, and return to my own ship.


If you're wondering what that's all's what I am considering posting on the LGS3 site in response to one of the other characters using my identity after I had been eliminated from the game. I will no doubt be subjecting myself to further humiliation...but it also depends on what Jon IG says about this post, and whether or not he [and maybe the judges] would come to my defense or not. I'm all for having fun, and am quite able to poke fun at my own self...but I'm no longer part of the game, and don't think that my identity ought to be continued to be used.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Thought Interrupted...

I'm pretty sure I was thinking something...and got distracted...I think it was a deep thought...but the truth is...I lost track of it! Oops!

It had something to do with how I had described my alter ego over at The Adventures of Ciera & Co. But I'm not sure I remember where the thought was going. Oh well. I think I'm going to have fune with this surperhero blog. It's already beginning to take off in a direction I didn't realize it was going to. Certainly it's going to be a fun blog, where things aren't always serious. How can it be when I've cast Kirk as my 'sidekick'? I'm not sure what he'd make of that, but the character has definately take on his own shape. Even as Ciera has. How odd is that?

In a lot ways...Ciera is who I see myself as...or how I want to be. Well, sort of. There is still that element that is completely 'her'. I'm not sure if I can explain it. It is all make-believe though, and that is always fun!

Not a lot going on in the real world. Working too hard. Fighting with my brother too much. Not getting enough sleep. But then, it's summer and it's always harder to sleep during the summer days. I'm going to go start working on my next Ciera post...if you're keeping along with my Zion's Children story, I put up a new post there this morning too.

Monday, June 23, 2008

That's over...

Well, they voted me off of LGS3. Men anyways! And I'm not talking about the judges, although Blackade Boy was just as bad as Simon in my opinion. I'm talking about my teammates!

I was beginning to lose sleep over it though, so it's maybe not a bad thing. Simon was the worst. Peckerhead.

Jon said he thought I did good though, so that counts for something.

I fought with Liston again tonight..and I'm not even sure what it was over. He was probably drunk again. I think he comes home looking for a fight when he's like that. All I asked this weekend while Mom was gone was that he wash ONE drainer full of dishes so I wouldn't have to it all on my own. After all, he eats here too! But he had to bitch about how I dirtied one of the frying pans [I kind of burnt it] and I told him he didn't have to wash that one, that I would do it. But no, he had to start swearing and then we were both yelling. I think he ought to just stay the night at his booze friend's place if he's going to come home like that.

Friday, June 20, 2008

What's in a name?

So, my take on challenge 5 for LGS3 was a little different that what has been seen so far. How it will be recieved, Lord only knows. If my brother is following this, I'll probably get in trouble for the pictures I chose, and also how I decided to describe my "character" at some points. The "goddess" one is sure to rub him the wrong way. In this instance, it has nothing to do with deity. But anyway......

One of the ways I described my character, connected to the really cool pic I've posted right here...was "The Fierce Avenger...arbiter of justice...a righter of wrongs..." I thought that my choice of 'arbiter' was interesting...because it is in essense a synonym for Judge. The full definition, as given by ---
#1One chosen or appointed to judge or decide a disputed issue; an arbitrator. #2One who has the power to judge or ordain at will.

I'm not sure what it is, but for some reason, this description of my 'character' in this simple role playing game, who is very much myself....intrigues me. Why did I choose it? Other than the fact that injustices upset me...double standards infuriate me...and all too often I feel so powerless.
Powerless too defend myself and others against certain wrongs....powerless to effect change in this world.
Which is funny - because I've recently learned how carefull we need to be in judging things...other's and ourselves. I'll have to continue this thought later...I'm falling asleep at my computer...even with Liston's alarm clock going off.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hope deferred

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

I have had my hope smashed last night. It's taken a hearty beating at any rate.

Nah ~ I'm not talking about issues with Kirk [does the man like me or not?!?! does he even know?!?!]

I'm talking about the Graphic Artist job in our Creative Services department. Which I didn't get. I knew it was a long shot, b/c of my limited training on Macs. She had said during the interview that it wouldn't be an issue if I was chosen, b/c most of them were all trained on the job. BUT ~ she filled the position with someone who had more training. Which, of course, is her own perogative...but why mislead me and give me false hope? Heck, why interview me in the first place? Argh!!!!

I'm really kind of bummed about this...I really really really wanted that job.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Short Lived

Well, that was short lived. Kirk didn't the note until Tuesday morning.


Now I'll have to find out why he didn't look happy Tuesday night when I saw him. Did something in my note piss him off...or was he upset b/c I didn't show?

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I need a break ~

I need a break from life. I hope that doesn't sounds too depressive. I'm tired of going to work and then coming home and going to sleep, generally after working on one blog post or another. Sleeping on my days off and donig laundry or some other dumb chore.

I just want to have some fun, if even for a day or two. I have to wait until September for the Glen trip that the girls were talking about Sunday morning. Far more tame that what Christina was planning for NYCity...but then - oh wait - she's not even invited on this trip! Or the one next year to Tennessee. That'll be cool. Christina isn't invited on that trip either.

LGS3 has been trying my talents as a writer. I do tend to rattle on when writing. But then, the last challenge was about the Kobayashi Maru from Star Trek 2, which is basically a battle scene, and I've never been very good at writing those. Bennett says I need to tighten my delivery, but that my post have been generally entertaining. Kind of encouraging.

On another odd note: I've never been so happy at a guy not calling me. The other morning after work, I left a note for Kirk. Just saying that I was thinking of visiting him that night and that if he wasn't going to be home, or just didn't want me to come [I believe I mentioned something about stealing another kiss] to give me a call after he got off work so that I didn't waste any gas. And he didn't call! Either he didn't mind, or he didn't get the note that day. Until I find out other wise, I'm gonna believe the first! The only crappy thing about it is - I never got there. The van had a flat tire! :( I'm almost thankful that I had forgotten about the church thing Mom and I had talked about, b/c then she would have been with me and wouldn't that have been a complication! Especially since it was like, 90 degrees out. Hardly pleasant walking weather.

One last thing. Mom came out of her surgery ok, but it wasn't 100% effective so she'll have to have a second one done. :(

Friday, June 13, 2008


Man oh man...between work and LGS3 I've been so busy!

Mom goes in for some minor surgery this morning, so I'm actually about ready to lay down to see if I can't get a few hours sleep.

The irony of my life...Mom was dad's chief caretaker...the first five were absolutely no help. Now, I bear the weight of looking after Mom...each one of my siblings have a good excuse not to help out more. What shall I do when Mom needs more seriou scare? How mad shall I go then.

more later.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The week that was...

...extremely long.

I was a paper carrier for a week. One of them got himself arrested and I was asked if I'd fill in for him for 'four or five days'...which turned into seven. Sigh. It was a very long week.

Which is why I haven't been posting, emailing, or much of anything. My post for LGS could have been better, but I just didn't have the time. If they don't vote me off, I'll do better with the next challenge.

ok. I'm still tired, so I'm off and get back to y'all later.


Friday, May 23, 2008

Home Again, Home again

Well, it's about time! One of our cats has been missing the past couple days. He, Goldie, finally came home today. Silly cat.

The other cat, Smokie, had her litter the other day. Maybe that's why Goldie ran off? He didn't want the responsibility? LOL.

My blood tests finally came back. The only thing that was off was my blood sugar. It was a little high for the doctor. He wants to try controling it by diet before he puts me on meds. And I have to get repoked next week.

I have an interview Tuesday, right before my next Physical Therapy session. It's for a job uptown. I'm so excited. Even if I don't get it, she's willing to interview me! yay!

Off to watch tv and catch up on my shows.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Let's get physical...

...therapy I mean.

That's right. I have to go to physical therapy to recover from my falls back in Feb. Doc K didn't like the x-ray results so he sent me to the Pain Clinic up to RPH who prescribed the PT.

Twice a week Oye!

And the physical therapist I saw wasn't one bit happy with how stiff I am. He wondered how I was able to do anything at all. I told him: darvocet. I have to keep a constant stream of that stuff in me to be able to function and not be totally distracted by the hurting. Which totally sucks. It does make me a little happier though, so I don't mind when it doesn't cover all the pain. His poking and prodding stirred it all up and so it was a little rough at work last night. I had to do Tina's job, so Boss Jerry was there to do mine and even after I was done with Tina's job and could do my own, he stuck around and lent a helping hand. He even relieved me so I could have a lunch break! {why can't he do that more often??!?!?! lol!!}

Ok. I've got to ge to bed. I'll yak more later :)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

It's a boy!

Yay! My sister had her baby just before 7AM. It's a boy, just like the ultrasound said it would be.

Early Labor sister is in the hospital again. Her bloodpressure went high again, but she is in the early stages of labor! Yay! They're giving her something to help encourage the labor, but if it doesn't kick in soon, they'll send her home. I ask you, does that really make any sense?

Last night was wretched at work. Boss Jerry was there, and that means he haunts my plateroom until the Sunday is done. At least A section, then he's not around as much for sports, unless they lallygag about it. I feel like he doesn't trust me to get the job done, but Tempy says that he just wants the paper to be done and over. Whatever. His presence doesn't make things go any faster. Unless those uptown know that he's there. Which they knew tonight.

But I've got Sunday and Monday nights off and I'm going to concentrate on my post for LGS3. It's got to be good. I don't want to submit something half par you know. And I've got three new Star Trek books to read. I got a deal on them too, b/c apparently I bought them during a sale on Yay! It's the Vulcan's Soul trilogy...and I've always had a thing for Vulcans, so I'm gonna have some fun reading!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Testing something:

Yahoo! Avatars


Hmm. I am taking part in a Blog "reality" contest over at Last Gladiator Standing III If nothing else, it'll keep me out of trouble...maybe!

In other less exciting news:
My x-rays came back yesterday. Or maybe it was Monday. Anyway. There was no evidence of new injury...but apparently there was evidence of an old one...!!!!! Well, to be honest, I'm not surprised. I mean, I have fallen on my backside a total of 6 times since October of I guess I can take my pick as to when it happened.

Still no baby. Sara was in the hospital over the weekend for high blood pressure, but I guess it was nothing out of the ordinary for a pregnancy. They just hospitialized her for observation. The Midwife said that her body wasn't any where near ready to give birth.

I got to see Kirk for a bit tonight. The hero who saved me from needing a jumpstart last week. :) And Tina timed my break just right, I was outside catching some fresh air when Kirk was leaving for the night. I wonder why he had to stay until 7pm? He was only scheduled until 5! Go fig. Anyways, he stopped just a moment to talk. That's always nice. I mean, he could have just waved and kept on walking. He was telling me he had to be back in at 7am. I wonder if he still likes DayShift? LOL!

Alright. Well, if I'm not posting as often, it's because I'm playing with some friends over at LGS. :)

Friday, May 09, 2008

Xrays, dieting, earbuds, and other nonsense

Well, I had a doctors appointment earlier this week. He wouldn't give me a new prescription for darvocet, which is wise b/c one wouldn't want me to get addicted. It's kind of nice to know that he cares enough to have me come in. He had me twist and bend so that he could see where things started hurting...which, since I'd been off the meds since Saturday, it wasn't too much of a stretch before I had to say, "yup, it starts hurting right there." Sooooo, I get to have Xrays on my back. I've been trying for a couple of days to get to the hospital but it hasn't been happening...but it ought to happen later today. AND ~ I even get to have blood work to make sure that the darvocet isn't hurting my liver. While I hate needles, this is probably a good thing too. Blech.

Dieting. Sigh. Yeah. When I was at the doc's, I wieghed in at 295. :( That means I gained back almost all of the weight I had lost a few years ago. So...I'm thinking of trying that entire losing weight, taking better care of myself thing again. It's going to be hard b/c I don't want to take care of myself. I'd rather eat myself to death. I'm not stupid, I know exactly why I overeat...largely as an emotional compensation...I use food as a comfort item...when I'm hurting, depressed, etc...Even as a punishment. Maybe I ought to find someone to talk to about this a little more? lol!

Earbuds. Forget waterboarding...earbuds hurt! What was I thinking when I picked up a pair instead of normal headphones? Mine don't look exactly like this, but they're all the same in theory. For some reason the right one hurts matter how I angle it...and won't stay in as well as the left one does. Go fig. I just wanted to listen to music at work again...I can't play it on the computer [it might explode or something like that]. As long as I keep the volume down, I can listen to headphones. After all, God forbid I don't answer the phone every time it rings. Even if I'm not there.

Mom had her bladder "scoped" today. That made for a long day, since she had to be there before 11:30. Waited an hour for her to go back, at least another hour before they actually did the procedure, and then another hour afterwards for her to bounce back from the anethesia. Yeah, they knocked her out for it. I don't know what they learned, other than the walls of her bladder being inflamed [ouch!] and that her flaps don't close. Apparently the tubes from the kidneys have flaps where they meet the bladder, and Mom's flaps don't work...they don't close like they're suppose to, so when she empties her bladder some urine 'backwashes' to the kidneys. Explains why she has a constant urinary infection. It can be fixed, not sure how. The easiest procedure would be same day surgery...the other procedure would be more involved. Doc said they'd try the easiest first.

My still pregnant sister gave me a DVD set for the Sci-Fi mini-series Tin Man I must say that I rather like what they've done with the Wizard of Oz. Not perfect by any means, as the acting was a bit thin in some places...only a few places. Not going to name names. I LOVED Neal McDonough ~ he has the most amazing eyes...and as my sister and I agreed upon...his butt looked pretty good in the pants he was earing in the movie. His was one of my favorite was that of Glitch. I was surprised when I watched an interview with the actor Alan Cumming, that he has an accent! But then, so does Hugh Laurie from House...I got to see him the other night on the Late Late Show with Craig Fergouson.

Mother's Day is just around the corner. I guess we're eating out at a local restaurant. But I also just bought Mom $30 worth of plants...a couple hydrangea's, reblooming lilacs, strawberry plants, and 2 rhubard plants. And I got a good deal on it all. Lord know what I could have paid!

Ok, I'm done blathering on. Going to go work on a story.


Friday, May 02, 2008


Technically, I only worked 39.5 hours this week, putting me half an hour short. But Supervisor Rob said that I could go and if I was off any, he'd fix my timecard so I'd get a full 40. Which is only fair if you count all the extra "unpaid" minutes I have to punch out after a certain time to get paid the full half hour, usually about ten minutes until the next hour/half hour. And because I busted my butt for him tonight. Sunday Comics was preinserted last Sunday night, and we insert that prepack into TV Guide for another prepack...and it just wasn't running through the inserter last night. So he ran what he could, and two of us were handstuffing comics in while the rest was getting stacked for later. I know that the other two people were switching off and taking turns flying the inserter and hand stuffing...but, I handstuffed an entire cart to their half a cart....!!! What the heck???!!!???

Such is life I guess.

My sister Sara is due to have her baby any day now. Maybe today. They have to turn the baby later today, because even though he's dropped...he's face down and they're worried that if her water breaks, that the umbilical cord will get pinched. Which isn't good for the baby.

I managed to talk to my friend Carl yesterday. He's still willing to fix my car for me, but he has to find out what his new schedule for his new job is going to be. So...still waiting!

It must be nice to be the top boss...Jerry was only in for 5 minutes tonight. I'm ok with that. I've gotten so I like it better when he's not there anyway. He's not there to pace my plateroom floor in a feable attempt to get the pages there faster! AND---he'd trying to quit chewing tobacco again...and it was only his second day. So it's probably better that he just stay away from work for a while. He can be a real bear!! And that's when he'd ON his durg of choice!!! LOL!

ok. I've got to stop know. My wrist is aching from all that handstuffing and I still have an email to write. Y'all have a good day!


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Nice and light

I am feeling nice and light right about now. Probably has something to do with the wine cooler I just downed.


I've got the next two days off of work. yay! I so don't want to be there.

One of the reasons why my friend Carl quit was b/c of something Boss Jerry said. About how the only person out on the mailroom floor that he trusts is Chrisitna of all people. That man is so blind. You can't let your personal feelings for a person get in the way of business. I don't blame Carl for leaving, I just wish he'd given me a little warning the last time we talked.

Ok, I'm having trouble typing, probably that wine cooler. No doubt it'll be fun later when a certain English friend of mine logs onto Yahoo...


Friday, April 25, 2008

Heart of loneliness

I feel so lonely right now.

I go to work with the same people night after night. None of them know me really. Not who I really am. Oh, they all like me, and are amused at some of my antics. They especially like it when I give myself a sugar high. But no one ever wants to look beneath the surface of the facade I give them. I have to give them that facade, because if there is anything that I learned from my time at First Baptist is that no one wants to see beyond it...such nakedness frightens people.

I suppose that I am faced with the same facades in others. Christina brags about how she is only really open with a few people. That came from a conversation we had about why she was being nasty to me. I wasn't asking her to be "open" with I can see far deeper into her than she would probably like...I was just asking that she treat me decently! Anyway. Some people I would be interested in getting to know better, others I already know too well.

I live with the same people. See them all the time. And am expected to play the same role I did when I was younger. Servant daughter to one. Bitchy older sister to the other. I am not a person. I am a means to an end. A payer of bills. Buyer of food. Blah blah blah.

I miss Carl. And I miss Kirk. Carl was one of the few people on nightshift that I considered a friend...and he told me that he thought of me as a friend too. How long do I give him to return my phone call before I give up on him? It hasn't even been 24 hours yet. And Kirk...was one of the few that I wanted to be friends with. He {almost} always had a smile for me. I don't see it as much on the one night a week that I get to see him now. He's back to being grumpy. I wonder if he's liking the switch to Dayshift as much as he thought he would?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Trained Monkey

I am too incompetent to change the background pic on a computer. It might mess something up. We are talking about the computer I use at work.


Changing the background has no effect on the other programs.

Apparently Jerry was right, all they expect back there is a trained monkey. You know, someone who can do menial tasks over and over again and not think for themselves or ask questions {unless you don't know how to do somethinge}. So maybe I ought to give them what they expect? Argh!

No wonder I feel "banana's" so often!!

I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


The fortune cookies all lied.

Kirk was never home. Although I will keep trying until I find him home to ask him my question. He is my favorite pressman, even though he was a traitor and went to Dayshift. Can say that I blame him...if I had the chance, so would I! Anything to get away from Christina.

Carl....QUIT! However, he did give me his phone number a week ago so at the very least he considered me a friend that he would want to continue being friends with outside of work. He's been unhappy at work for months now, I'm actually a little surprised that he stayed on as long as he did. He was a "no call, no show" though and that doesn't strike me as normal for him. Maybe he was told last time [b/c of car trouble and no cell service] that if it happened again, not to bother to come in...who knows? We do live in a very hilly area where cell service is spotty in some places.

Christina was bitching about how it wasn't fair that she had to fly the inserter for the Daily when the supervisors all know that she has to leave at 3:30 so that she can get to her second job. Uhm.....cry me a freaking river! So what! This job should be her priority as it is the job she had first and is the full time job! Whatever. I hate how she feels entitled to getting out the door earlier than everybody else, like we all have to work to get her out in time. It's not about her! It's about getting the paper done on time! Even on Election night when things are running late b/c of the voting. Maybe especially then.

Hillary took PA. :( But then again, I've heard it speculated that if it came down to her and McCain that McCain would win. Although, I'm not ever sure I like that idea. No offense candidates...but you ALL SUCK this year. Maybe I'll run for president next term...I'll be old enough then {gag}. McKlinko didn't win, even though I voted for him. Hacket won, who I voted for...because his name rhymes with Racket and I figure he'll loose against Carney in the fall. I plan to vote for Carney, because he's the one official who I've emailed...that has actually emailed me back! And like, not SPAM {uh-hum, Hillary!}...or a stupid form reply....but a reply that addressed the issues I had wrote to him about. Unlike Smith who never replied at all...although he does usually post my comments on his blog so I'll give him half a point for that.

To explain the fortune cookie comment....we usually have Chinese food on Saturday nights at work. We all take great delight in reading our fortune cookies, and adding the phrase "in bed" to the end. I had some really great ones this past Saturday night. "You have had a good start. Work harder!" [in bed] "With a little more hard work, your creativity takes you to new heights!" [in bed] "You always know the right times to be assertive or to simply wait." [In bed] "No need to worry! You will always have everything that you need!" [in bed] Ok, it's a silly game, I know that. But when you've already put things into motion to get yourself in bed with a fella, it was kind of encouraging you know. Silly me. Still, I'm not gonna read any more stupid fortunes anytime soon. I might not even order Chinese unless I get laid here soon.

I suppose, enough moaning and bitching for one blog.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Not Much

Not much going on today. Going out to vote in a few. Mom's bitching about doing nothing but dishes for the past two days. Hmmm...I seem to remember having to do that not to long ago so it's all fair to me.

Still horny. My favorite Pressman hasn't been home whenever I've wanted to stop in. So now what? Screw the married guy and try him again later?

My life sucks.

Monday, April 21, 2008


There are some things that are hard to write about here, even though I am just another faceless "bitch and moan" venter.

I've made some decisions this past week, that I am nervous about. There is this one man at work that is one big flirt. He flirts with all of us, even though he's a married man. He makes no secret that he has a rather 'open' marriage. Well. I'm tired of chasing after my favorite pressmen, who doesn't respond beyond smiling. So, sometime today, after I've slept, I'm stopping by my favorite pressman's house and asking him if he'd like to make use of the rubbers in my purse. If he doesn't, I'm going to use them with the other guy.

I'll probably hate myself next week, but I've been so aroused this week that it's been distracting. And he's been the only one giving me any kind of attention. I adore Kirk, and he's my first choice, on this side of the ocean, so I'm really hoping he says yes.

In other news....We had my sister's babyshower yesterday afternoon. There were about 16 people there, about half of what we were planning for. It went ok, even though I was tired {I had worked until 4AM that morning} and Glenda's was being her dorky self...that is majorly embarrassing. She's the oldest sister of us all, though she had a different mother. She's just...not right in the head for starters. I suppose some of it might be related to her being in the Gulf War years ago...but if we're all honest, she's never been 100% right anyways. If I ever become like her, somebody please shoot me.

I absolutely LOVE the pastor's wife of the church where Sara goes where we had the babyshower. She was just so helpful and fun. There ought to be one like her in every church.

One of my friends has started her own blog. She hasn't posted much yet, but why don't you all go over to see Thumbelina and give say hello!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

blog rating

because "pain" was mentioned 4 times..."suck" was mentioned 2 times...and "sex" was mentioned once.

Only once?

Well, at least twice now! I've upped all those words by one now. I wonder if that's enough to up my rating?

Monday, April 14, 2008

I wish

I wish it were that easy Sunny.

To live my own life.

I was for almost 5 years.

But circumstances, some beyond my control, and a mother wonderful at emotional blackmail changed things. the only freedom I find is at work, when Boss Jerry isn't there, and here online in the wee hours when everyone else is in bed.

Things have been a bit different this week though. Mom walked the dogs...once. And she kept up on dishes so there wasn't a pile Sunday. She far from being cripple, and can do far more than she lets on to other people. That really kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Work is going ok, I guess. Though Boss Jerry has stuck his nose into my room more than usual this past week. What is up with that? It gave me a new appreciation for Supervisor Rob.

Nothing much else to report. I have to get back to working on my short story, but my heart hasn't been into it recently. I have been writing poetry again, so there is that much.

I'm going to go walk the dogs and lay down for a few hours before I have to get that brother of mine up for work. That sucks. I'd rather just go to bed.

Monday, April 07, 2008

A new prison...


I didn't get to church last night. The Warden in my new prison didn't let me out. No, I had to stay and make supper...the much complicated task of opening frozen pizza and sliding it into the oven. And then I had to work on the dishes that no one has bothered with for two weeks.

So - the oven door is broken. I'm sure that is a reasonable excuse as to why she couldn't fix her own dinner. I mean, she complains that she can't stand for long periods of time. Well, there wouldn't have been any of that as I was on the computer during each pizza. So it must have been the door.

And I guess I'm just as guilty about the dishes. I shouldn't be the only one doing it though.

And if she would get up and do stuff a little more often...light activities wouldn't wipe her out.

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again. I've been brought in to do the "bitch work" and pay the bills.

Regardless of the fact that I work a minimum of 40 hours a week. And am not allowed to sleep so that I am cranky and always feel exhausted.

Regardless of the fact that I have my own bills and needs.

I'm tired.

A friend says that my problem is that I have no "vision". I have a vision alright. One in which nothing changes and I am forever a prisoner in my home and to my own mother no less. How can I ever have a family and home that is truly my own when I am tending hers? I suppose one could say that this is practice. If I ever marry a man such as the two people I am living with now...I will shoot myself. Of course, there are days I'd like to do that now. But nooooooo...I have a sense of duty and honor that would put a Klingon to shame. My mother depends on my income too much, depends on my for the bitch work she doesn't want to do.

Sometimes doing the right thing is the worse thing you can do. You pay for it for the rest of your life. Pay for it in tears and sweat - no amount of drugs and alcohol lessens the stress and pain - and at the end of the day, you still come up lacking the full amount.

Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


I am definately in a Star Trek kind of mood. No doubt about it. I say this because I just ordered a Star Trek book off of I love that place, and no doubt they love me! But anyway, it was actually another bookstore through Amazon. I'm getting "Strangers From The Sky." Like any other Trek book, it's not "canon" but it is one of the better stories. Let's be honest, they're not all good stories. But's a book I used to have and got rid of in a moment of spiritual zealousy. And I'm buying it again. What can I's a good book.

The kids were at it again tonight at work. Christina and Supervisor Rob had a bet going...he couldn't pick on anyone or he would have to wear a girly shirt. I'm not sure what he got if he won, it must have been bad because when they were setting the rules to the bet with me as judge {how the heck did that happen?}..they wouldn't tell I probably don't want to know! But it doesn't really matter...because he lost. He made some smart comment about his fiancee...and Christina came and told me. He must have said it because he didn't come back to denfed himself. Soooo...he had to put on one of Christina's shirts...Amanda took a picture of it on her cellphone. He looked ridiculous, but it was funny. I wonder what Boss Jerry will say to that when he find out? And you know he will...someone somewhere will tell him about it. There are no secrets from him.

My head hurts. I'm not sure why. I mean, it wasn't hurting when I got up. And I was fine until about 11pm. I took some generic advil, but there's still a little bit of an ache. Actually since I'm on darvocet, I'm a little surprised that I'm in any pain at all, but even my back and leg act u p on it still. Oh well.

I might try going to church tonight. Don't know yet.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Tales From Work and other ramblings

Sooo......Christina brought in cake the other night. Angel food cake with pineapples and pudding mixed together, and strawberries and cherries and coolwhip for toppings. It was really kind of good, though I think I would leave the pineapples out. Anyway...Crazy Jerry [not to be confused with Boss Jerry] and Carl stepped out for a smoke afterwards, leaving me, Christina and Rob in the breakroom. Rob was griping because Crazy Jerry had left his plate behind for him to throw away...and Christina starts trying to get Rob to throw away a small bag of garbage that she had...he refused, something to do with her calling him a pushover earlier in the night...and she starts begging, really pretty like...and two of her sentences "I suck your dick," and "I give you pleasure" really made me wonder if she remembered I was still there. Well, we've all been thinking that the two of them were getting it on, and this kind of confirms it. Of course, it's my word against theirs and they'd probably say I misheard or made it up or some goofy shit like that. Like I have nothing better to do than make up crap about the two of them.

And tonight, when we were in the office, Christina said something about Rob getting married [to his fiance who isn't Christina!] he made a 'no I'm not' comment that struck me as kind of odd as well.

All their denial is pretty lame. A blind and deaf man could tell that they want each other. heck, I'm pretty sure a dead man could tell!

Let's see. Oh, I finally got my taxes done! When the money comes back, Carl is going to fix my car. Then I'll be able to renew its inspection, which just ran out the end of last March. And then, I'll be able to go whenever I want and not even have to tell anyone where I'm going or anything like that! I will be Queen of the dirt roads once again! I can't wait!!

When my other tax check comes, the "economic stimulus" check the Pres has promised us...I am going shopping! I am going to get my new sneakers and some jeans and some shirts. And I might even pick up a new dress. Something pretty.

I am reading Vulcan's Heart right now...probably for the millionth time! It's Star Trek, of course. It's one of my favorite Trek tales. It's all about Spock and Saavik, and the Romulans. I also borrowed Star Trek: Nemisis from the library when I was there. I guess I'm in a Trekkie mood right now. And actually, oddly enough, I've been thinking on Star Wars too...trying to decide whether to revive any of my old fan fiction stories. I'd have to start over from scrap, as I was on a super-spiritual jag once and threw everything science-fiction away. What was I thinking?

I don't have to be into work until 8:30 tonight. I was scheduled for 8, but I had to stay and fly sports last night which put me an hour over so Rob said I could just come in later. So I am. I'll have to go out grocery shopping at some point though, so I won't be able to sleep too late. Not that I'm allowed to sleep around here. Working nightshift has started to really suck since moving back home with Mom. Sigh.

Ok. Everybody have a good day! :)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Time to myself....

Jean-Luc and K tell me I need to make it a point to have some time to myself. This makes's just never that easy. I was sharing with Jean-Luc via email that it feels like I have to lie to get out of the house by myself. I used the bank yesterday, though every word was true...I really did have to make it to the bank before 4:30...but I also had the chance the night before to just let Paige put the check in the bank for me, and I turned her down saying it would get me out of the house sooner. I might try making a doctor's appointment and not telling her the real time so I can be by myself longer, of course, I'll be in a pickle if she has something she wants to do that day too. I really do need to go though, I have to get my birth control renewed...this week's monthly has been horrid and I've only been off it a month.

I got lucky today. Mother had an eye doctors appointment and so I have the trailor to myself for a little bit. And so I'm blogging!!!

I am so selfishly sad because last night I realized that I can't buy new sneakers. No, I have to pay something on the $300+ electric bill. I'll never be able to pay it all on the next paycheck, and I'll have to save something for gas. I did manage to buy a new shirt last week from the dollar store, and got rid of one of my holey work shirts. I had to get rid of one of my jeans the other weeks too....

have to go...Liston just got home...

Monday, March 31, 2008

No life of my own...

This is why I didn't want to move back home. I know it's good that I'm here to help Mom. But I feel like the umbilical cord has been reattached. I can't even go out on my own without her having to tag along. I realize that it makes sense for us to both go to the same town if she has business there as well...but this means that I can't visit Paige with any sense of freedom. How can I leave the stress of Mom nad her needs behind when she's with me?! She wants to go have the eyedoctors look at her glasses because the one lense is popping out. I know I'm so selfish for being cranky about this, but I can't seem to ever get away by myself!!!

I mean, work doesn't count, because have you any idea how stressful that place can be? Any job is like this, even the ones we like. I like to get away from there once in a while too. I have no where to hide anymore!

I hate this part of my life. I really do. I feel like I've taken a thousand steps backwards. I'm a grown woman and I have to be Mommy's little girl still.

I have to admit that I find a thousand devious ways to show her that I'm not a little girl anymore. Making casual comments about sex toys is something I started doing shortly before moving back in. It was when Cliff and his family came down for Christmas. I made a comment about how I owuld have to make sure all my toys were put away.

She doesn't seem to get it though. I think I am more right about my life than people realize. When I make comments about how things will never change, they all remind me how things can change so quickly, blah blah how I think I'll never have a husband and children because I'm tied to my mother now. Well, I can't even go visit my best friend without having to bring her along. How fricking pathetic is that?

Do you think I'm taking darvocet just for the pain from my falls? sssshhhh, don't tell on me! It's just for a little while, I promise. At least the emotional part. I have no idea how long the physical pain will go on. Sheesh, it can't be forever....can it?

Friday, March 28, 2008


Gasp......I have posted a first attempt on Practice Makes Perfect. It's something that was actually published in the newspaper as a letter to the editor. Yikes!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

What now?

Sigh. My favorite pressmen Kirk is going to Dayshift...starting Friday!!!! I knew it was going to happen, I just didn't expect it this soon. What am I going to do now? There are things that Kirk does that the other night pressmen don' coming to get plates at midnight when things are running late from editorial. Like putting on plates soon after he gets them. It so irks me when I've busted my aching buns to get plates out there and they're left to sit while they go take a smoke break. This is ok if we're on time, but the incident I'm thinking of was a night when we were running late.

And I wonder if I'll get to see him any more at all. The last time he was on days, for the six week rotation that they all had to go through, I only saw him once and that was a fluke b/c he was leaving later then usual and I was earlier than usual. Of course, I was moving at taht time and didn't have time to stop by like I have a habit of doing. I did try calling though, and he was never home! Maybe I ought to just give him my number and say, "If you ever miss me, give me a call."

I got at least three smiles from him tonight. Not that I was counting. Or looking for them. :)

ps. Jean-Luc, I did reply to your comment down below.

Monday, March 24, 2008

I take it back!

I take it back! I was going to try to go to work without darvocet...but I've been in so much pain, I think I have to take it back and go back on it. :( My knee has been's like I've got a hand of claws resting on my knee and when I go to stand up, the claws just curl into the bottom of my knee. Which really kind of confuses me b/c I though the shot of cortisone and xylocaine was supposed to fix that. My back has started aching again, too. So I guess the meds were doing something more than just making me happy, huh? It also makes me run off at the mouth, which is a side effect I don't really like.

The Easter bunny came late this year. I didn't go out shopping for chocolate and goodies until this afternoon...of course, everything was half off. Still, I ended up spending waaaay too, $40 in less than half an hour. Ok, I got kitty litter and some Pasta Roni's too, so it wasn't all chocolate and sugar.

Ok, I've got to take a break. Have a good one :)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!!!!

Ok, I'm a little late, but like Christmas, Easter is a holiday that can be celebrated more than just one day a year!

Our Easter was kind of low-key this year. I worked until 4AM getting the paper out, so I slept until just after noon. None of us went to church, not even for a sunrise service. Mom was wiped out from our food shopping on Saturday, her knee just doesn't co-operate with her. She has a worse time with her knee than I do mine. Hers justs hurts for no reason other than a goofy genetic defect. Me, I sprained mine dancing like a pentacostal idiot in Ohio last fall. So, we slept late and just fixed dinner at a "whenever" rate. Liston made a batch of Hot Cross buns, with raisins...and then I made my batch, without raisins!! He even made the homemade rolls this year too. We had a simple spread - ham, mashed potatoes, squash, green-bean casserole, the rolls, and ham gravy. Mom had a wine cooler and I went of the darvocet today so that I could have a glass of wine with dinner too.

I might try going to work Tuesday without the painkillers, although I know the crew is amused over some of my pill induced antics. Although, some of it isn't the meds...I'm just not caring what they think and am my lovable silly self. Imagine my off key singing voice loudly and joyously singing "Jesus is Alive"!!!

We've also been watching old episodes of SG1. Wish we had more discs of it, but what we've got is a good start.

All have gone to bed now, except for this nightshifter. Although I won't be up much longer. I've been running a lowgrade fever all day today ~ 100.3F. There's been some bug going around at work, and I'm just gonna be so ticked if I've caught it. I mean, I take my vitamin C every day and I'm not really around others at work that much. Ahhhh!!! Hopefully it'll be a quick bug.

I'm about ready to post my first journalistic attempt on my other blog. I'll let you know for sure when I post it.

It was a good day.

Catch y'all later :)