Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

No Gas

I walked into mom's shortly after 3a.m this morning and was hit with the smell of gas. Which upon investigation we discovered that she had run out of fuel. No heat, no stove. Liston was supposed to be paying the monthy gas bill as his rent, but well...wasn't. He found some temporary tanks to bide us over until we can come up with the $600 we need to make a dent in the past due bill. And I bought some electric heaters. So. It has been a rough day. Yelling, depression. But as I was out driving with other as we were running some errands...The moon was shining through the clouds so prettily...like, in a way I've never seen before...moonrays breaking through...wow. I said to Mom...God's speaking to us right now, saying that He loves us and even though we don't see the end of this situation, He does. The moon broke through on several occasions, brightly lighting our way. At one point I said to Mom, "Do you trust me?" She answered by repeating my question back and so I just rolled my eyes and did what I wanted...I turned the headlights to the van off [on a straight stretch] and drove only by moonlight. Wow. It was a nice moment at the end of a very long and rough day.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Nothing New

I don't have anything new and exciting to post today. I got in trouble for losing my temper and yelling back at Christina...that she yelled at me first, three times, is immatieral as Jerry expects me to be the adult. How sad is that? Why do I always have to get stuck being the grown up in a situation? It is so not fair. Maybe I'll get to relax and be more carefree in heaven? Apparently, both Christina and I are saying the same thing...that we don't have a problem with the other, that the other has a problem with us. So, I'm thinking that somewhere a long the lines there has been a misunderstanding. Maybe. And of course, I'm the one that has to be the fricking adult about it. Since I'm better at writing, I've written her a letter detailing what has made me think she has a problem with me. Giving it to Jerry to read first; not that he really cares about anything I've written it it, but to show that I'm following his advice to be the adult. Either way, it will either make things worse or better...I know not. Sometimes life just sucks.

The humorous part is, the actual phrase Jerry used was "be the bigger person" and smart ass that I am, I replied, "I hope you're not referring to my size." He did laugh, so it wasn't a complete waste.

off to do something somewhere...not that I know what or where.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Christmas Blues

Christina was supposed to get in trouble for the note she left...since she was waaaaaaaaay out of her realm of authority. Whether she did or not, I haven't heard.

We've all kind of got the Christmas blues at work. For some reason, they've decided to print a paper on Christmas and New Years. That means we don't get the Eve's off. This is new...we don't usually put out papers on those days unless they fall on a Sunday. Now Dayshift will still get Christmas and New Years day off...but nightshift is basically being screwed over. I think we are having a meeting about it this Saturday night. Guaranteed to be interesting.

Well, I can't stay long. I have to get some sleep because I'm going out with Mom to her doc's appointment later and tonight is one of my long nights [9 hours]. So, have a good one :D

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ripped Apart

For crying out loud!!!!

I am so tired of Christina. I was ripped apart by her at work last night...before I had even clocked in...before she was even there! She left me a nasty note from the last night she filled in for my position, saying this that and the other hadn't been right about the programs I had set up. Some of it is probably true, because I remember having a really hard time setting that particular day up. Whether I set it up Friday night waiting for the last sports page, or Saturday night, I was tired and didn't feel good and so you'd think she'd cut me a break....but nooo, she bites first and never bothers to ask questions. And she said not to set them up anymore because of it. Whoa nelly...she's not my supervisor! She has no authority to say such a thing! So, I took it to Deb and said, "You know, something probably was messed up because I wasn't feeling good and probably not paying as close of attention as I should. But I don't think it's her place to correct me like this." She said she'd look into it.

It might have gotten her in trouble. Rob the supervisor said something about it, and something's going down in the morning.

She didn't even address the note to me. I'm so tired of being addressed as "someone" or "somebody" or "whoever"....while being called "somebody" is better than being called "nobody"...it's still disrepectful. I have a name...use it!!! Name's are important, part of our identity. And I'm tired of having that part of my identity stripped from me. I suppose it's just the icing on the cake because she's been treating me crappy for weeks now, ever since the night that I called in late because of being in the ER with mom. Like I did that on purpose just to make her life miserable!!!

On a nicer note, I didn't get to talk much with my favorite pressman Kirk, but when I did, I did get a smile from him...and I so like his smile! :D I might have more time to talk with him tomorrow. Just the thought makes me smile some more.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Name Change

I have finally changed the name of my blog. I've been meaning to ever since I came back from the Ohio conference, because I didn't feel like 'prodigal saint' fit this site anymore...or me I guess. I chose the title I did because it's what I named the little series of "squirrel stories" I wrote for my church a few years back. The squirrel really kind of stole the stories, even though it was never about him but my view of reality...but I have to admit, the squirrel was funny. So, since this blog in particular is about my particular and peculiar reality, as skewed as it often is, I think it fits. I know that I see the world differently, and that this isn't always a bad thing. There you have it.

Much to the disaapointment of the squirrel fans, there will be no squirrel stories forthcoming. See, if people really heard what I was saying in those stories, they'd know that the squirrel was just the comic relief because I was really sharing my view of the church with them. And to be honest, it wasn't always nice. Because they weren't always nice. I stopped writing them because I felt I was becoming too...vicious? mean? honest?...in my potrayal of the real-life characters I was using. They never seemed to notice or care, but I did. Which is one of the reasons why I've never been able to write anymore. Not to mention I felt stereotyped by my church as to what I was able to write. And there just aren't any of those stories flowing...I've had a few ideas...but there's been no flow. Anyone who's a writer knows what I'm talking about. Besides, I don't go there anymore...so I'm lacking a canvas as well. Seems rather pointless don't you think? Someone would leave the church and suddenly a story I had written just months before was no obsolete because the player was gone. If it's meant to be, more stories will come, but I'm not stressing because these particular ones aren't, and that's ok. I think they were meant for a certain time and that time has passed. If I'm wrong, God will have to show me how to put a new twist on things and new players etc...I'm not worried about it.

How I spent my days off...

It's truly spellbinding, how I've spent my two days off. Ok, not really, but I really wish it had been.

Ok. Sunday: got off work at 3:30...went home, read just a little bit and was soon out...for most of the entire day. I did go to the library in the evening, but I even went to bed early that night.

So. Monday: Up way too early. Finished reading Dominion by Randy Alcorn. Chatted with a friend. Ran some errands. Got Mom's van checked out, learned that it was a bad tire...which of course he didn't even have and he had to order them [2] and was told to drive it as little as possible. Didn't quite make that, and the tire went flat [finally?] while I was still out running errands. Couldn't find Liston to come help, so I had to go beg some help off of Kost tires. They changed the tire and put on the spare and didn't even charge me for it.

Am now at Mom's. Again. Until who knows when.

Sigh.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

I am so bad...

Ok, maybe not bad. Insecure? Yeah. Naughty? Maybe.

One of Christina's favorite lines for about how 'well' she gets along with the guys at work is that she's 'just one of the guys'. Maybe she ought to ask the guys. The one I asked, who is a sterotypical horny male, replied 'no, I think she's an idiot.' There was no hesitation on his part, and just a little hostility. This really rather enforces my notion that Chris is kidding herself when she says this. I always thought that when a girl was 'just one of the guys' that there was no sexual tension because they just don't see her as a girl [if I'm wrong, forgive my naivity] and there is no mistaking the sexual tension that is at work when she is there. I don't think she gets on as well with the guys as she thinks she does. I've seen the looks on their faces when she forces [yes, forces] a hug from one of them.

Twit.

Anyway, enough about work. I finally finished my Trek story over at [a href="http://fictionnight.blogspot.com/"]My Fiction[/a] and hope to be starting a new soon. Cool beans! Off for home and some sleep!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Isolation

I don't know what it is exactly, but I felt so isolated at work. I can only imagine what sort of gossip I've missed about myself the past two nights I was off. I know I had griped to Tempy about how Christina had been hugging and kissing on Kirk [his cheek] and Tempy is as prone to gossip as Christina is, so wether she said something to the other, I don't know. Not that it matters, I have no claim on Kirk, just a crush. And it's not like Chris is talking to me yet either. Oh, she talked to me a little Saturday night when we were doing the Sunday paper, but that's only because she had no one else to talk to. Which is the only time she ever does talk to me...when I'm her last choice. Which I've known probably for about a year now. It's no big loss, really. All she ever talks about is who she's been laying with [and then wonders why we all think she's a whore] or who she hates this week [there's a cycle to it, believe it or not]. I try not to hate her, I really do. But I know that I come awful close sometiems. This past week especially. I am smart enough to know that some of it is jealousy...I mean, she has this freedom [real or imagined? I don't know] to well...touch Kirk...while I am terrified to touch him. I mean, we are in the work place. Tempy can argue all she wants about "how professional can you expect night shift to be?" but let's be honest...we can be a little more professional than what we are. I'd love to give Kirk a peck on the cheek [or somewhere else], or give him a hug [hey, there was that one night I somehow ended up with my breasts pressed into his back]. But I sometimes suffocate under the thought...what if he's just being nice to me...and doesn't like me that much at all. Maybe I ought to find the courage to do as Rob suggests and...just ask him.

I walked through the office tonight, on my way out for the night...and no one even noticed. They were so deep in their conversation, that I might as well not been there. But I spent almost 15 minutes talking with Eddie so I guess that made up for it. And Carl said "hi" to me earlier in the night, and I later told him how my car won't back up now...well, it can, but with a lot of protest from the brakes. But other than that, and a few words from Tina as she was in and out, I worked mostly in silence last night.

Alright. Enough whining. I'm going home to have a glass of milk and see if I have a parking spot waiting for me.

Monday, December 03, 2007

This and that

Mom had her funky x-ray this morning. She had the time wrong so we were an hour early. Dad would have rolled over in his grave to know taht we were taht early...well, early for anything. But they were able to bump her up so she got in earlier. They emptied her bladder wtih a catheter and then filled her baldder with dye and ask her to pee on command and x-ray it!

I guess I've ticked Fluke off. I wrote a story from his viewpoint for Jean-Luc's Christmas story week and I just got an email from him saying he liked the story but not that I gave it to Jean-Luc. Who posted it btw. Today. Great. It's not like he blogs anymore. Oh well. I hope it all works out.

It's snowing again. :( Not sure if I'll be able to go home tonight or if I'm stranded at Mom's again. I hate this time of year.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Long And Viscious

What a long and viscious week it has been! In 3 days I worked 30 hours...then 9 more last night and looking forward to another 8 hours tonight. No wonder I am tired! The 30 hours goes on the end of last payperiod, the 17 is the beginning of the new. But no matter how you look at it...it's a lot of working!

Christina is still not talking to me...I figure she must still be pissed at me b/c of the night I called in late when I was in the ER with my Mom. She was asked to come in early that night to fill in for me...it's not like she had to say yes. No doubt she feels put upon...having to do all the work while the rest of us [me] just goofs off. Whatever.

Kirk is so funny. The other night, as I'm getting mailbags ready [which I shouldn't have to do anymore, but ya know!] and Kirk is walking through the mailroom after parking the forklift...and we both kind of look at each other...and he stops, like he's thinking about something, then he starts walking my way, so I walk his way...and he asks me..."Homelife and Classifieds done?" Would I be in the mailroom if I didn't have my plateroom work done? So I say to him, "No, I'm saving them for later." He was mildly amused, and said something about running them next, so I asked him if he wanted me to bring them out for him and he said "Yes." So I did :) He has such a nice smile! I asked Carl what he thought about it...was it just Kirk looking for an opportunity to talk to me [because it really was a 'boneheaded question] and Carl said 'Yep, you're not imagining a thing.' Probably the highlight of the entire week.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

In Earnest

So begins the work week. Tina and I waited 2 hours tonight for pages to a paper to show up that..well...never showed up! And Christina isn't talking to me for some reason...even If I'm standing right there, and asking a question about something she just said, she won't answer me and will continue the converstion with the other person...as in, she won't even look at me to acknowledge my presence. WTF?! Are we still in highschool?!?! I mean, how childish! And she keeps going on about how she's 'just one of the guys' b/c she 'grew up with boys and feels more comfortable around them as compared to women.' In other words she doesn't like competition? I mean, I grew up with boys too...5 brothers [2 older, 3 younger]...4 cousins [on my mom's side] in immediate age range...3 nephews that were more like cousins b/c they were close in age range. And most of the kids on the bus were guys, although they routinely tortured me. So, I don't buy her line. Nor do I buy her line that 'just b/c I flirt/tease/joke with them doesn't mean I want to sleep with them'. I can understand teasing and joking...but why flirt with a man if you don't want them that way or like them that way? That's what men call a "tease" - which if they don't end up giving out, from what I have seen, they don't like them all that well. And pressing your breasts into a man doesn't prove that you're one of the guys b/c I'm quite sure that is the last thing he's thinking [my, what manly breasts you have!] Right. You only do that to remind them that you're a girl, usually means you want them....unless you're doing it to tick off the girl that likes them 'special' and she's standing right there watching. Bitch. And then she wonders why we all complain about her.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Another Week Begins

Well, sort of. Ok, I'm actually just beginning my "weekend"...my two days off of work. And all I'm doing is sitting here at Mom's typing away on the computer. I wasn't earlier though...I stopped by Kirk's before heading to Mom's :D We watched most of the movie he had put in earlier...if I'd been there sooner, I could have seen more of it [and him]...but if Cliff hadn't called when he did, I would have still been in bed catching up on my sleep. At any rate, Mom is back home from Cliff's. As much as I love her, it was nice not having to worry about her and take care of her. She goes for a follow up appointment on Wednesday.

I called Tempy after leaving Kirk's and said, "Is it a bad thing when you're watching a movie with a guy and there's no conversation?" She said no, that it was sign we're comfortable with each other and we don't feel the need to constantly be talking. Makes sense. I'm still nervous around him, especially in his home. But I like being with him. :)

It's not a bad nervous...honest...it's just, I worry too much and I need to stop and just relax! In general. I might grow less gray hairs if I stop worrying so much.

Off to show Mom some pics I took on my cellphone while she was away. :D

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Be Thankful

Some things to ponder.

If you are married...be thankful that your spouse, no matter how imperfect, no matter how frustrating, is still with you and not the 16 year old babysitter.

If you are single...be thankful for the learning lesssons of the marrieds around you. Being single might not be so bad after all. Don't pick the one who will turn around and cheat on you with the babysitter.

I have a friend whose mother died recently. She had to go to Texas to take care of the funeral and her father. She brought her dad back home with her for a while because he has a broken leg. She returned home to a request for a divorce. WTF? She did some investigating and...let's just say that life could be worse for my friend...it could be her husband's 16 year old mistress who is pregnant and not her son's girlfriend. She doesn't see it that way, but it's the truth. Of course, she's also on depression meds so she's not 100% in her right mind anyway and she finds this all really rather funny. In a sick and twisted kind of way - it is...because how tired of a cliche is that anyway? The father and the babysitter??? I mean, come on!

I'm a little worried for my friend, her last email sounded more hysterical than sane.

On a more personal note: I am thankful for friends, for family, for a boss who schedules me to work at 9pm on Thanksgiving, for my readers [even if you don't comment], for dreams and hopes.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Just a little tired

I'm just a little tired today. Mom spent most of last week in the hospital. Same thing she's been battling, a nasty UTI. This hospital is a little larger, a little impersonal [which sucks] but the doctors seem to think of things that the others didn't. Like to test her to see if her bladder is backwashing urine into her kidneys. Not sure when she'll actually have the test, because it has to be outpaitent for some reason. So she got out Saturday, and brother Cliff came down Sunday and picked her up and took her away for a week. Maybe this week I'll actually get some sleep...even though I have to stay here and dog sit.

It snowed and snowed some more here. I was out taking pictures in the dark seeing if I couldn't capture the heavy laden tree limbs on my new cellphone. It's always a little disconcerting to walk the dogs in a snow storm and see the limbs of a tree drooping down on your car. I didn't think to get a pick of that...I just walked over and shook the snow off of the ones on the car. And I was doing that again this morning as I was walking the dogs, but on a different tree. Little Bear wandered a little too close and got beaned with some snow...but she didn't seem to mind.

I didn't get out last night to go see Kirk, because it was snowing. Maybe that was ok though, because he didn't answer his phone when I tried calling. Maybe some other time. When it's not snowing!

Monday, November 12, 2007

I did it!

I did something very risky last night! I dropped in on a friend unannounced...not knowing whether or not he would like such a thing. Kirk didn't seem at all put out, and seemed to enjoy the time I was there. I was smart and didn't stay long, maybe half an hour? Maybe not even that.

I was so nervous, because I have this really bad tendancy to completely forget what I'm going to say to him when we're at work. He's had to ask, "What?" far too many times! But we didn't have any of those lulls in our conversation. His tv was on so I was a little distracted, b/c I'm just that way when there's a tv on...though now where nearly as bad as an old church friend. But it was just football, which is something tame and actually something I used as a conversation point [who was he rooting for, did he have a favorite team...etc...]

And...I flirtily asked if I had permission to just drop by in the future or if I should call. It would be a great time for a man to say..."Don't bother." Right? And Kirk's not stupid, even though he is a guy. I mean, I've always been fairly open about my interest in him. Needless to say, I have permission to drop in.

On another note: Mom is sick again!!! At least, she was running a low fever last night after I got back to her place. She had a followup apopintment last week and she still had blood in her pee then. So...maybe she's still sick? Sigh. She's promised to call the doc's in the morning and so it might not get as bad as last time..or earlier? I don't know. I wish they'd figure out what's wrong with her. The IVP they did didn't show any kidney stones, so ... where is the infection coming from?

Off to read more of my latest read: "Echoes" by Kristen Heitzmann. Lovin' it!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

300 and counting...

This is it...the much anticipated...long awaited for...300th post. Waaahhoooooo!!!!!!!!!

I'm a little happy right now...even though I had to stay late and help with the Daily...b/c I got to talk to my favorite pressman Kirk. Nothing but small talk, but it's still the most I've gotten to talk to him in a while. Of course, Christina had to butt her nose into it. I don't know why every thing 'male' has to be a competition for her. Even those who can only be her friend, she has to have total attention from them...they can't be our friends too!! Sheesh! Carl is married, Rob is in a serious relationship [not married but they have kids together], and Kirk is over 20 years her senior...and as far as I'm concerned...I have claim on that one! lol!! Well, as much claim as a crush can have...

Anyway. I didn't get the reporter job. "not experienced enough" But he still wants to meet with me and discuss the possibility of me getting some of that needed experience. That'll be interesting.

Sigh. I'm back home. But I wonder for how long? See Mom's decided she'd like me to move back in with her. She likes having me there because she's not alone. I don't know what I'm going to do. There are enough pros and cons to choke a horse on. I'll probably list some in my next post.

~ Off for now. ttyl! :)

Monday, November 05, 2007

Bored Out Of My Mind

Mom is off to a doctor's appointment, so I will probably go home tonight after CSI and sleep in my own bed for a change! So it's just me and the animals sitting here doing nothing but playing on the computer and making phone calls.

Well...trying to make phone calls. I've only actually spoken to one real person so far. I've left a message with the Housing Authority to discuss my rent. I've left a message on Jerry's answering machine, just wanted to ask him some job related questions [so, how am I at multi-tasking under pressure?]. Paige's line was busy...twice. Tempy's number wouldn't go through, so apparently I have to use my phone card for that and I've only got 7 minutes left. And there was no answer at Kirk's, apparently he doesn't have an answering machine or has it programmed not to answer until a later ring [I waited for 7, maybe I should have waited for #8?] but I know he has caller ID so if he wanted to find out why this strange woman [it would have came up with mom's name] is calling him he could. I wonder if any of the people I left messages with will call me back? Maybe tomorrow! lol!

I'll probably try Paige again, even though it'll just be to have her call me back [only 7 minutes on the calling card, remember] I wanted to tell her about the emails I've had today with the editor of our local paper. Of course I'm not experienced enough for the position...but I've got more than enough talent to make up for it. Which the editor did point out. But ~~~ he still wants to meet with me and discuss what can be done to get me that experience. Not what I was looking for...but actually more than I was expecting. Kind of exciting.

Maybe I'll do some more blogging.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Countdown To the Apocalypse

Ok, not really...just to blog post number 300. This is ... drumroll ... 298!! Though if you count the first blog I had before this one ... I hit 300 a long time ago. Remember the old Amazing Grace blog? That was my first one ... and when I talk about my 'blogiversary' ... that is the date I consider. I moved to this site because I had a sudden paranoid moment where I feared that people from my church would take what I blogged about and use it for less than saintly endeavors. Such is life.

Besides, sometimes it sucks having to censor yourself for people who know you and would be shocked at some of your secret thoughts. Even thought I'm publishing these thoughts for all the world to see ... there are some thoughts I wouldn't want people I know to know that I have. You know what I mean?

It's been an exciting couple of days at work. One of my main machines broke down and I've had to call the dayshifter in to help me ... twice. It's been a learning experience. Mostly for me, but for her too since we had to call our boss in to make us a new template.

I'm going to miss church again this week. :( Life sucks. Maybe I'll get there next week. Hey, it's worth hoping.

Friday, November 02, 2007

False Alarm

Apparently "drafts" are counted by the blogger counter, because when I was double checking my count, I found three old drafts in my files and after I deleted them...I'm like, at 297 [this one]. Which is ok, because I couldn't think of anything "great" for number 300. So now I've got a few more posts to think about it a bit.

Anybody have anything they'd want to see for a 300th post? I could list 300 random things about me. I don't know if I know 300 random things about me though...I wonder...hmmmm. Any thoughts you guys?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Men!

No offense meant guys, but - Men are idiots.

Especially British ones.

Especially pressmen.

Especially bosses.

Especially brothers.

I don't get them anymore than they get me. And it's not for lack of trying on my part either.

Sheesh.

And the worst part is...no matter how much guys rub me the wrong way...it doesn't stop me from liking any of you. Ok, the jury's still out on Supervisor Rob, even though he apologized.

My only hope is that I frustrate you as much as you frustrate me.

I think my next post will be #300 --- I'll try to come up with something good. Promise. :D

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Sleepless in Pennsylvania

I can't sleep. It's about 5AM, which is only sometimes my bedtime...a lot of times I don't try until 6. But I'm at Mom's and Liston's alarm clocks have been going off since a little after 4:30...he has two, three if you count his wrist watch...one he never shuts off, he just lets it beep and beep and beep...........why he hits snooze on one and not the other is beyond me. So, here I am unable to sleep, bothered by his alarms and by thoughts that won't shut up.

I guess I'm worrying a little bit about the big meeting that is going to take place later today at work. I guess Jerry [the head supervisor] pissed Rob [the next supervisor under him] off and Rob went to Brian [Jerry's boss]. There is a good chance that Jerry could get fired or demoted. I hope he's just demoted for a time, because I actually feel safer when Jerry's there. Which is actually a little odd b/c Jerry is as dirty as the rest of the guys there [although I've never heard Kirk be dirty, but he is a guy, so Lord only knows] but Jerry's never been that way toward me. Unlike Rob.

I put in a call to Brian, asking him to call me so that I can talk about something that happened last Thursday with me and Rob...where he wouldn't let me go home early [Inever ask to go home early] and I had overtime to burn up and the girl who could have taken over for me wasn't doing anything anyways [except sitting in the office with Rob kissing his ass...or something else]. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to strip for my boss in order to go home early on a night when there was no reason why I couldn't have gone home. So I'm probably a little worried about that as well.

But anyway. Let's talk about something else now shall we?

Ok. Let's.

I recently read a pretty good book. "House" by Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker; two of my favorite authors by the way. It was good. Kind of deep, as I haven't completely figured out some of there symbolism though. Who was White, the bad guy, anyways? Was he a demon, or a man that was evil? Some of it was pretty straight forward...like the funky pudding, that was actually made of rotten dog food, representing sin. How we can wolf it down, with its sweet tasting deceptive narcotic effects, until we see it for what it really is...rotten. Blech. It was right up there with Frank's book "The Oath" though, in that I didn't really relish reading it in the dark. It was, shall we say...suspenseful? I mean, it was about two ordinary couples who were lost and had car trouble [deliberately by the bad guy] and they were trapped in this freaky inn and freaky hosts....with a "haunted" basement of all things. Twisted corridors and doors that led into dark tunnels. And they couldn't really work together because the bad guy had issued a mandate...a dead body by dawn or they were all dead. No pressure there. I will probably read it again someday...see what it is I've missed and see if I can't get some more understanding.

I guess. I'll probably switch over to my Fiction blog and work on my Trek story to help myself unwind somemore.

Sounds like a plan to me. I love how that story is going. I can't help it. I love alternate time lines of Trek, and anything to do with Q is a boon as well. Enough chatter from me. It's now almost 5:30 and I'd best try to get some relaxing done so that I can sleep. Work will come all too soon.

Life's Just Not Fair

Would you like to know why I am saying this this time? Sure you do or you wouldn't still be reading this.

While Mom was in the hospital, little brother Liston said that he would do this dishes. This seemed fair to me since I was the one doing the largest share of caring for the cats and dogs. And I do have an injured finger. I might be milking that a little, but it really does hurt and since Liston has back out of the deal and I have to do the dishes that he's dirtied...my finger really doesn't like doing the dishes.

This makes me so angry. Mom has five kids...and because I'm the oldest and single...translation: the oldest and the one who has no life of her own...I get saddled with Mom's care. Liston did walk the dogs before he went to bed at 11. Big frickin whoop. Oh, and he did dish Mom some ice cream. He can go out every night and hang with his friends...but I can't. Not without worrying about what's going on at home. Sara is single...she could come down a little more often if it weren't for that asshole of a sperm donor she's living with. Cliff isn't much help because he lives 3 hours away, and Duane has his own problem of a broken leg. But there is though other two that could help out a little bit more. And I should have to ask...they know that Mom's been sick.

I'm having flash backs to when Dad was sick and Mom was on her own for a lot of it. She'd be at the hospital and even though I wasn't quite old enough, I got stuck with the babysitting alot...even though there are five older brothers and sisters [2 brothers and 3 sisters] who could have stepped up a little bit more often. Who should have. Not that I have any residual anger over any of that.

This is not fair! Why do I have to be the one that time and time again gets stuck with this while everyone else gets to do their own thing????

I don't know when I'll be able to go back to my own home again. Well, I was there long enough today to pick up a weeks worth of mail and water my poor plant. But Mom's not strong enough to walk the dogs yet, so here it is I am staying. I can do no less. I just wish that someone would lift the burden a little. My gosh, even long enough for me to go home and sleep in my own bed for a day.

On a brighter note, I think Kirk was flirting with me a little bit this past week. This is nice. It makes up for the other guys being idiots.

Well, my weekend's over...I've got another 40+ hours of work ahead of me. I hope there's a little bit more civilization than what there has been.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Yay! Home again home again!

Well, the call came from Mom this morning, interrupting maybe 3 hours of sleep, to say that she could come home today. We didn't know exactly when so she said I could go back to sleep and she'd call when it was time to come get her. About an hour later that call came. So much for sleep today. It's a good thing that I didn't go to church today because she was released right in the middle of church time. What were they thinking?

Fought with Liston this morning before I had left. Over stupid stuff. Really though, it's getting too cold to leave the front door open and I shouldn't have to tell him that. Especially when you have cats that have been dropped off and they want to come in too!

I don't know how long it will be before I get to go to my home again. I really kind of miss my own bed. And sleeping without cats. I know it was my idea to get them, but they have no sense! They should both sleep on the same side of me, not one on each side! It's a wonder I didn't kill one of them rolling over. Stupid cats.

I'm so very tired.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Is 'now' different from 'then'?

I have been accused of thinking too much more times than I can count. Sometimes I've even thought this myself. But then my former pastor did once pray/prophesy something over me about 'thinking deep thoughts'.

So, on my way home...well, to Mom's home, since this is where I am staying while she is in the hospital...I was thinking about whether or not it is different being an adult and having a parent in the hospital compared to being a child and having a parent in the hospital. I don't really know. In a lot of ways, no...but then again yes. No matter your age...you're scared. Kids are just more free to express that primal fear when a parent is ill. Kids are scared because they don't know what is going on...an adult is scared because they know all too well that is going on, even if they can't pinpoint the infection/illness.

Of course, it's different now because I have a firmer grasp on that Rock in the stormy sea named Jesus. When I feel that panic beginning to whelm up inside of me, I can only throw myself at His feet. It might not stop the panic....but there is a calming effect nonetheless...just knowing that He is there and not going to leave. As a kid, watching my father go in and out of the hospital, I didn't get this. And there's no shame in that.

As an adult, I have just enough medical knowledge to be dangerous...and it doesn't help when the doctor himself gives out "it might be this....but we don't know for sure yet". Hello?!?! I can come up with my own imaginations very well on my own, thank you very much!!! And so can my Mom, who is no dummy. Leave the might-be's and maybe's for ... well ... you're own deducing because there isn't anyone who needs to be wieghed down by 'maybe's' when they're ill.

As a child, no one tells you anything. You're left wondering what's going on and so you're imagining the worst. I'm glad those days are left behind me.

As an adult who knows Jesus, with a mother who knows Jesus...I can speak life over her. Life and health and wholeness. It is too bad that I didn't know this for my Dad, but the past is in the past and we can't change it...we can only learn from it and go forward.

Mom might be allowed to come home on Sunday...if her temperture can stay down. I know that I am here for a few days even after she comes home. But if that's what it takes for her to get better, I'm ok with that even though it means sleeping on the uncomfortable loveseat. Because she's Mom.

Monday, October 22, 2007

My Mom

My Mom is in the hospital...again. Just over a month after being in the hospital with a bad UTI...she is in there with yet another one. Argh!! I wish the doctors would figure out why she has such troubles with these infections. Or that they would be able to get rid of the one that she apparently has all the time. A healthy person just doesn't walk around with a low grade infection all the time do they?? So I'm holding down the homestead again. Someone has to babysit the dogs and cats.

I've reapplied for a reporters position at the newspaper. It makes sense, i mean, I am a writer...I ought to have a job where I'm writing. Instead of having to deal with Chris's juvenile mind games and wondering if the supervisor has his mind on our jobs or his own interests. It's getting so that the only people I like there are...well, Kirk, my favorite pressman....ok, Jerry too, on his good days. Tina's ok, though her tendancy to shut my plateroom door annoys me a little...I like the door open, even if the press is going because apparently I'm claustrophobic.

I did something stupid the other day. I deleted almost all my posts on my MySpace blog. I'm not sure why, but I know I was feeling really down, wondering whether anyone reads what I write and do I really matter and blah blah blah...Apparently my only reader who felt this action was worth commenting on was my friend Paige. I guess she reads them even if she doesn't comment. I wish she'd comment more often. I wish anybody would comment more often. Even here...even if it's just to tell me that I'm an idiot. Oh well. What's done is done.

Just had a call from Mom...she's on her second back of hydrating fluid. She also hasn't been able to sleep. But she has a great nurse on duty, so I know she's in good hands. This nurse is in the right profession, because she was even instructing me on my own health during the family histury part.

Off to find something to munch. :)

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I have...

I have taken a deep breath...or two...and am feeling better. I also went shopping yesterday. :D

It helped to have Jerry back to work tonight...even though he's technically supposed to be on vacation. Our other supervisor wasn't there though, which was a great relief to me. The one guy who had given me trouble actually apologized for it. That helps tremendously.

I still wish Christina would just go away. She was excluded from all conversations regarding this, and she was trying to make like she knew hoping that I'd spill the beans [unless Tempy told her...Carl claims he didn't tell her a thing]. Of course, just about everybody there wishes she'd just go away too. She keeps promising...but she was only gone a week and then she was right back to work...

Jerry cut himself at work tonight...so I had to stay over longer...so I'm whooped...gotta get some sleep. At least I don't have to worry about my paycheck, it's already deposited. I didn't get much sleeo Friday b/c Mom's not feeling good and wanted me to stay over. I think she wants the same today. Sigh...

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Why?

My heart is heavy this morning. Tonight was an easier night than most I've had recently at work. I actually got a lunch break. However, I also had to listen to Chris tell how she flashed her boob to the supervisor, apparently at his request...although knowing her as I do...she was all too happy to obligue...she certainly wasn't complaining about it. And then she brags about how she does whatever she wants at work. Which is no doubt why they hired her back after she quit and was only gone a week. So, if she flashes her boobs just for gee whiz...what does she do when she really wants something????

On the other hands...Carl was willing to pay to see my boobs. When I said a guy had to pay to see my boobs, I didn't mean like that!!! He just laughed when I said that and put his money away. It's almost a nice compliment....but do I look like a stripper to you?!?!?!

And my sister is being a hormonal bitch. She's younger than me, and has had all the 'firsts' before me...first kiss, lost her virginity first, first baby...which she made sure to rub in the other night. Mom thinks she was just picking, but when she says twice"It really tickles me"...she's not teasing nicely. As I said to mom..."She's not married yet." She doesn't have anything to brag about...but it really hurts that she's pregnant and I don't even have a boyfriend. I feel like God has forgotten me when it comes to this.

Ok, that's my sob post for the day. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow...or later today depending on how you look at it. Maybe I just need to sleep...or my period needs to come...or something!!!

Monday, October 15, 2007

I understand...

Or do I?

What does it mean to understand? First we have to break the word down..."under" and "stand".

Under - submit
Stand - point of view

So, to understand is to submit to a point of view.Can we "understand" each other...when our point of views cannot be united? When Jesus says that He is the only way...can we "submit" to the "point of view" that there are many ways to heaven? Can we follow a person's line of thought, comprehend what they are saying, but not submit to the way they see things, their point of view? Can we "understand" a peron's pain...the misery that drives them...because we've been there ourselves...but not "submit" to their erroneous point of view [erroneous b/c it's tainted by their own self]?

Food for thought.

This is a new concept for me, something that was taught at a recent conference I was at. The meaning of "understand"....the rest is just my own thoughts...meandering as they usually do when they're thinking deeply. With this new way of regarding the word 'understand', I think that we use the word too loosely, b/c somewhere along the way, it's lost its true meaning.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

short and sweet

I over oiled my car. I didn't mean to...honest...But my oil light flickered on, and it had that sound that it always has when it needs oil and I've let it get a little too low. Well, I didn't actually check the dipstick...and just put oil in. And then left the oil cap OFF and drove almost 25 miles...had oil everywhere and I do mean everywhere...it was running down the front bumper. So, thinking that like the last time I did this [over a year ago] that I had lost all my oil, once I found my cap [it was right where I left it] I put more oil in. And then my car wouldn't run right...sluggish...and now it just won't start. I thought for sure I had blown the engine. But no...I had TOO much oil in it. So it sits in front of my boss's house...waiting for someone with the right tool to pull the spark plugs and the time. And the knowledge...b/c Jerry spent hours working on a part that my car doesn't even have...????...Lord only knows what he's done to it. So, I'm stranded at Mom's again. I've threatened/joked about moving into Kirk's little cottage he has behind his house...to which he says, "You'll have to bring your own bed." I've got that. apparently though, the last girl who wanted to move into his cottage/shed he outright said, "No." So I guess he must like me a little bit!

Prayer request: my friend Paige's Mom had a brain aneurysm late last night. A bad one. They had to put her into a coma b/c paralysis had begun by the time she got to the hospital. Her mom also lives in Texas, which makes it harder for my friend.

I have to get to bed now. More later.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

I'm Home!

Hi gang! Wow. What an experience! First of all, it took us 10 hours to make an 7/8 hour trip...somebody has weak bladders, but I won't mention names [but it wasn't me or Paige!] And then, the first night we were there....it rained...and the tent leaked!! And it rained most of the second day, so our stuff got wetter. But, they opened one of the ymca buildings for us to use over night so that our stuff could dry out more. They even got us mattresses. I think we spent only one night in there as a whole group. So, we went back to sleeping in the tent. I was so cold, though the others weren't, and I would wake up wet. We actually had some really nice weather once the rain was done. Although, it did rain once more, I think on Monday, and we were smart and pulled our bedding out and stuffed it in our cars so that it wouldn't get wet...which is how we found out that I was sleeping in a puddle of water!!!! And it was beginning to mold! Which is how I've found out that I'm sensitive to mold [headaches, runny nose, etc...] Paige wanted me to be a trooper and just wipe it up and wash it down and keep sleeping in the tent, b/c we were trying to be unified and stuff...but when I was wiping up the puddle, I discovered that there was water trapped between the tent and the tarp underneathe...a lot of water! No wonder I was so cold!!! Paige was watching from outside the tent as I was pushing the water out and she guesstimated ten gallons...and I didn't get it all!! Meanwhile, Winnie was out talking with the woman who put together the 7 Days of Praise conference together and she insisted that we move back to the bunkhouse, or the palace as we began to call it...which Paige and I decided to do. The other two were high and dry so they stayed in the tent.

So much happened in those 7/8 days...there were so many teachings and so many times of worship, that I can't even begin to tell it all. I'm actually still overwhelmed by how God met me there...again and again. I will probably share things slowly, because I still have so much to process. I'm going to have to change my blog title, but I'm not sure what to change it to yet.

We were almost killed on the way home. We went in two cars, Paige and I in her Bug, and Winnie and Kim in the other. Paige and I had been listening to a teaching by Todd Bentley about angels, and she actually saw some...pillars of light coming up from the road in front of us, and she said it must be our angels going before us. Well, it wasn't maybe an hour or two later, that she and I were talking about which church we wanted to go to...which ones were 'out' and 'in' and such...and all of a sudden she throws her arm out across me and is exclaiming, "Oh my God Oh my God" over and over again [indeed sometimes that is all we can pray]...I look to see what she's seeing and there is this big pick-up truck that is hauling a trailer that isn't mergin correctly and almost hit us...those angels had to be holding us apart, b/c it is a miracle we didn't collide. We really should have collided...God and His angels have to be the only answer. I'd have been taken out instantly b/c it was on my side. Thank you God for saving us!

ok, I have to go catch up on emails.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

"Vacation"

This will be my last post as I am supposed to leave early Wednesday morning, right after work, for an 7/8 day camping trip out to Ohio for this crazy church conference. In reference to my last post, I also know it's time for a vacation when I have to work a 13.5 hour shift while people who arrived for work after me got to leave before me.

So, while I'm away, I have decided to borrow Jean-Luc's actor/movie game that he uses when he's on "shoreleave"...you know, I name an actor/actress and a movie and you have to come up with another actor/actress who was in that same movie and then name another movie and so on and so forth. Come back as many times as you want...

You can also just stop by everyday and leave me comments about how much you love me and miss me and hope I'm having fun but can't wait for me to come back :)

So, my actor and movie to get us started off with:

Mark Hamill [who turns 56 today] in "Star Wars"

Sunday, September 23, 2007

You Know...

You know it's time for a vacation when:
  • You cry over messed up negatives. It wasn't your fault, dayshift did it...they tried saying you had forgotten to burn a plate [as if] and that you forgot to flip the yellow on page 3 [but it had a sticky note on it, so how could you have forgotten?]
  • You have to work off the clock b/c classifeds for Sunday were messed up and they didn't feel like fixing it, but since you know how to doctor the negatives to make it look right and you were so tired that you forgot to mention it to Jerry until after you'd punched out.
  • You've worked there for over a year and you deserve one just because!! Because you're a good worker, you're on time, you've only ever called off twice the entire time you've been there, and ... just because!!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Headache That Just Won't Go Away


One of our community church's attempt to "outreach" is to have a webbased Forum where believers can post...well, just about anything. There's this nice disclaimer that you se eonly when you sign up saying that "we're not responsible for the accuracy of anything on this website". That's not a direct quote, but close enough.


So, being a good Christian wanting to do the unity thing with other area believers, I was a member of this Forum. Under three different names, though not all at the same time. Each time, one certain member or another certain member would be mean. And each time I decided...I don't need this crap. It's not that we all have to believe the same thing, other than the basics about Jesus and such...but they were disputing non-related things...like even bashing me personally because of some of my odd traits [what is wrong with offering up "what if" scenarios anyway?!?!?!] They were even disupting laws of literature!! We're not talking bible doctrine here...they're arguing literature! {what is a parable? apparently it depends on who you ask and literature has nothing to do with it!} So, when one character actually told me to leave the Forum...I obligued and reported him to the moderator. They sleep through all this crap anyway.


So now the Moderator is emailing me, asking me not to leave and things are changing blah blah blah...


I went, I looked, didn't see anything different.


What's the point? I'm just going to stick to blogging and the occasional MySpace and not bother with that Forum. Those confrontations were causing me to loose sleep. I'm not going to go there again. I like my sleep, and working nightshift, it's hard enough to get to sleep before the sun rises anyway...if I'm going to loose sleep over something, it had darn well better be worth it!


At least here, if you don't agree with me...y'all are nice about it...


ok, I feel better now. I'm going to go walk to doggies and head on home...

Here ya go Fluke :-)

Here is a new post, since Fluke so sweetly hinted that the flowery hug was getting old...

You know it's going to be a rough night when:
  • You wake up hours before your alarm clock is supposed to go off
  • Your alarm clock doesn't go off
  • The Acorn is so busy you just know that you'll never get served quick enough
  • Your total at the other market you go to for a sandwich is, gulp, $6.66
  • Your boss is picking on you before you even clock in [but at least he's in a good mood for a change]
  • Pg 2&9 of Sunday classifieds won't go through to the negative machine
  • The front section of the newspaper is going to be late getting to you b/c some nutcase decided to hold a lady hostage and then run away and stab himself. This has to be the same nutcase that decided to jump of the bridge a few weeks ago and made the paper late...it just has to be.

And that was all before 8PM....{I start at 5pm}...it just kept getting better and better...the imagesetter {negative machine} would NOT give me the last negative for A section...which was already late b/c of that nutcase. And then...it ran out of film with only one negative left for B Section, which was late b/c of football.

In other news, I guess Paige and I are going to the conference in Ohio after all. We're not gonig as a group anymore...and in fact, the four of us who are going aren't even going to be driving out together, though we will all be camping int he same tent. I'm quite certain we're nuts. We might have fun though. I'll have to put up some sort of "game" post to keep you all occupied while I'm gone...it'll be a week.

I wonder if my favorite pressman will miss me while I'm gone? Probably not, but I can hope right? I don't wonder about you guys...I know you'll miss me...LOL!!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Little Pink Pills

Ahhh....thank God for the "little" pink pills called darvocet! I got to Mom's after work and found her in pain again. I called the ER and talked with a dude there and he said to treat her fever first, and to see if some pain meds would help first before taking her back in. So, she's not allowed to take anything related to Advil, because of all the meds she's on [diabetes, arthritis, high blood pressure] but she had some darvocets which I guess are in the tylenol family so I fed her one of those along with a dose of children's tylenol and that seemed to do the trick. She was out and sleeping in under an hour. She's still feeling a little yucky today, but feeling a little better.

Another Saturday night at work. I'll have to plate the Ithaca and TriVillage pennysavers, then wait for the Front section of the Sunday paper to arrive. It'll be a nice easy night....or it should be! How many times have I gone in thinking it's going to be an easy night, and have been surprised by some funky "hiccup"??? Too many times to count!


Maybe my favorite pressman will come back tonight and say hello...hey, it's worth hoping for! He has such a nice smile :)


I will have time for lunch tonight, though I don't know what I'm taking yet. I am NOT getting Burger King again....ever....except their Mocha Joe, that's good. Maybe I'll get a sub or something. KayLyn ran out to McDonald's last night on her lunch and got me French Fries, which hit the spot so nicely, even though they were only warm and not hot....she must have sped though for them to not be cold!

Mom and I are watching Star Trek 4, getting a giggle out of their antics. It's really a wonder how they survived some of the things they did! What is that saying? Fortune smiles upon fools and ships named Enterprise? Close enough...even though in 4 the ship is actually a Klingon vessel b/c the Klingons were a bother in Star Trek 3 and the Enterprise was destroyed...but it's still the same crew, so ya know!

I might get to go home tonight after work. I've spent more time here at my mom's than in my own apartment during the past month that I think I ought to get a discount on rent!!! Ha!! Anyway, it'l be nice to be able to go home. If Mom's feeling well enough. She can't be too bad if she's watching Trek with me, b/c she's never been a big fan! LOL!!

Y'all have a good weekend! ttyl :D

Friday, September 14, 2007

ER Scare


I had such a scare tonight [Thursday night]. I'd been at work for just a couple hours when Mom called...sick and in pain. Scared the crap outa me...hearing her like that. To make a long story short --- she called for the ambulance, thinking it might be food poisoning [rice!], but it turned out to be a bad bladder infection...bad enough that they've kept her overnight.

The entire time I'm waiting to hear whether she's ok or not, I'm thinking..."Was I nice to her the last time I was with her? Was I grouchy? When was the last time I hugged her? The last time I told her I loved her?" She might aggravate me...irritate me...frustrate me...but she's still my mom and I love her. Ya know.
I think that if Jerry had been there when she called, that he would have let me go be with her in the ER...but he didn't arrive until later in the night. And I wouldn't have been easily spared otherwise. Part of being "indispensible" at work. I don't think Jerry would know what to do without me some nights. Though he'd never admit it.

All's well that ends well. Mom's ok and in a fairly good hospital. I'm here with the animals so they don't poo in the wrong places and near the phone for when she's ready to come home.

And, apparently, Fluke Starbucker is back. Life will never be the same again! :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Sweet!

Today, well it was actually Tuesday afternoon...I got my tire fixed...I got my glasses fixed...I helped buy a dog for a deaf man...I get to go home to my apartment and don't have to sleep in my mom's recliner chair. The only way the day could have gotten any better would be if I had gotten money in the mail or sex...which reminds me, I'd better check my mail when I get home because I'm pretty sure I have a better chance of getting money in the mail than I do of getting sex....I'm joking!!! But you know, I really did have a pretty good day. Even though Jerry was pulling his cranky butt out when I was leaving work...when he waved to me, being all goofy afterwards, I walked up to him and said, "oh there's no point in being nice to me now..I'm still going to go home and write a whiny blog post about how my boss whom I always speak so highly off was mean to me" He just laughed. And then said that he was never nice to anyone...silly man! Ok, I'm off. :D

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Do You Remember


Some events are so powerful, so tragic, so widespread, that they leave their mark on you even if they didn't directly effect you. I lost no one when the Towers fell 6 years ago on September 11th, but as an American, and as a Christian, I lost brothers and sisters in the spirit if not in the flesh.



I was at work that morning. It was back when I was the opener for the YMCA. I was chatting online with a friend when suddenly she told me that a plane had hit the Twin Towers. It was a while before I had found a radio to turn on, so for a while, she was my source of information. And then the Pentagon was hit as well. I remember feeling devestated just hearing about these events. My shift ended at noon and I hurried home and watched the endless TV coverage. I still tear up thinking about it. I remember being so confused that my church didn't call for a prayer meeting that night, that we went ahead with our original plans...a Woman's Aglow meeting that only mentioned the tragedy in passing. Our nation was being ravished, people had died and were still dieing and many were trapped, but we went on that night like nothing had happened. Perhaps I should have realized then that my church had some compassion issues.

Heros were made that day, as so many sacrificed their lives so that others could live, such as the men and women of Flight 93. And no one could stop the Towers from falling. I hope their sacrifices and heroism is never forgotten.



People are still hurting from this. Some have moved on with life better than others. It is my prayer that God would comfort those who are still hurting, that He would touch them and heal them.


My words are so inadequate. I wasn't there...I only watched it on TV. I've read the stories...and seen the pictures. But...I still remember.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Off Again

Short lived trip that was. Yep, the Glory Girls trip is off again. Probably for good this time. Not that anyone is telling me what is going on. I go out to my mother's for a few days to babysit the dogs and all sorts of crap happens. I'm not even sure if there is a group called 'the Glory Girls' anymore! Sheesh!

Speaking of Mom's - I'm stranded there again. Flat tire this time, so I should only be here long enough for the garages to open on Monday so that I can get the tire fixed. I ought to get around to getting my spare fixed as well so that next time I have a flat, I can just throw that baby on...or get some guys to do that for me! The guys at the little store I had to stop at would have done that in a heart beat...if I'd had a working spare!

So I'm sitting her at Mom's, having been woke up waaaay too early for having had to help with the Sunday paper last night...during which there had been a thunderstorm so loud that I could hear the thunder above the noise of both the inserter and the press! I wonder if maybe it was because the 'garage door' at the other end of the building was open? But I think we'd have heard it anyway.

I have a baby shower to go to this afternoon, and I don't have a present for the new mom yet :( Well, if Mom comes back soon enough, I can always go to the store before hand, right? I hope so!

Allrighty then...I'm signing off to go work on my Trek story. But - that reminds me...how many times can Trek tell the same story? I finished reading "Resistance" ... the latest TNG paperback/novel ... and it's like a replay of "First Contact" ... only with out the time travel ... and this time it gets just a little "catty" between Dr. Crusher and the Borg Queen ... especially after Picard is assimilated again. It was ok, parts of it were excellent, parts of it needed to be expounded upon a little more. I'm presently reading "Engines of Destiny" ... also another Borg story ... but this one has time travel and an alternate universe and Scotty and Kirk in it.

Ok, now I'm off! :D

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Two Words

Tired.



Hungry.


I am tired because the college kids who put out the little newspaper don't seem to understand what a deadline is. Worked 11 hours last night...which is better than the 13 from last week. And I had to get up earlier than I wanted to because the cat was chewing on my toes!

I am hungry because----I'm at mom's and she has no "quick" food and I don't want to make anything because I don't want to do anymore dishes than I have to and she'll be back from her sister's sometime today. I don't even have milk for cereal :( And I am not going 25 minutes to my apartment to get my lunch for work either. I'll have to get something from the store or Burger King or something....their Moka Jo's are awesome! I might have to bring Mom some milk though, even though my brother should do it.


Anyway, off to work now...or soon...

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Unfolding

One thing that never ceases to amaze me when I'm writing a story, is when the story suddenly takes a turn I wasn't quite expecting. I've been working on my little Star Trek fan fiction story, and it recently took a turn. I've always intended for the Q character to show up...I wasn't expecting him quite yet. While Q does have a habit of doing that, this is not the first time I've had a story surprise me in it's turn of events. I know that has to sound soooo wierd. Because I'm the author right? I ought to know every nook and turn in the story before it happens. I ought to know my characters so thuroughly that nothing they do surprises me.

I remember when I was working on my "Journey" story...I was writing along and my pen wrote something that so surprised me that I had to stop and think if that was the way I wanted it. I had written that the prophet of the mountain was the princes' great-grandfather. I hadn't originally intended for there to be a connection between the throne and the prophet, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea and it even made sense...the prophet had vacated the throne, giving it to his son, so that he could serve God in another role.

I know y'all have no idea what story I'm talking about, but I think it illustrates my point. That this is a wierd phenomenon that happens no matter what I'm writing and it isn't just limited to Q!

It's really kind of neat and I like it, though sometimes it can be a little disconcerting.

~~~~~~~~~

Work was ok tonight. Had an extra job thrown in with everything else we have to do on a Tuesday night, but we got it done. It would have helped had Sports been on time, but what can you do? School has just started back up, and with it High School sports. Of course, the front section was late too...but their excuse was that they were having problems with the computers. That happens. Often.

I'm gonna shut up for now. I have to get to bed, b/c I was up earlier than usual and am tired. I ought to walk the dogs...but a skunk just made himself known...EEWWWWW...I don't want to go out there!!! Maybe they'll pee quickly???? Worth hoping.

Monday, September 03, 2007

On Again


Well, the Glory Girls' trip is back on. Apparently Kim didn't express herself clearly...she wasn't saying that the Pastors had ever said that, she was saying what would happen if that were to happen. One thing is clear --- we all need to learn how to talk to each other a little more clearly!!! Like that scene in the movie Independence Day...when Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith are in the alien ship and Will did something that surprised Jeff and Will claimed to have forgotten to tell him about it, and Jeff said, "You and I...we need to work on our communication" while pointing back and forth between himself and Will. So, we can go back to planning our early fall camping trip. I think we might be a bit nuts for this...but it is all about seeking the Glory of God, so we're willing to pack our warm clothing in our bags and take off for a week. Ironically, the one girl, Missy...who we all had doubts about whether or not she was going to go...she's the one who paid first!!!!
Everybody have a good Labor Day! :)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Spaces?

I've been having a lot of trouble recently with the spaces between my paragraphs...on all three of my blogs...I either don't get any, even though they're there when I write...or there are too many! Is this something goofy with Blogger or is it my mom's keyboard? Anyone?

Never Ever


Things never ever go the way you plan them...do they?

The Glory Girls have been planning a trip...and with the space of a week....we've been on again off again...one doesn't know if she'll have the money...and just when she decides she does....another reveals that the Pastors have told her not to talk to another of the group...WTF?!?!?! Well...like Jerry said...It would be a really quiet trip...
There's nothing wrong with this woman...other than she's well...HUMAN...like, uhm...everybody else!!!! It's not like she's evil. I've seen evil...and she ain't it!
Sigh. I worked 13 hours Wed/Thurs. A college newspaper started ... and we have to stay later on Wednesday nights to plate it so it can be printed ... I know we're dealing with college students ... but I wonder if they understand what a deadline is?!?!?! We didn't get out of there until 6am. It's gonna be a looooong school year...
I might get some other thoughts sparked by "Chasing Fireflies" posted here this weekend...if you all still want to hear them. After that book I read "Watchers" ... by somebody ... sorry, I didn't like it ... it was ok I guess ...but ... moving on. Next on my list to read, is "Star Trek TNG - Resistance" where ... ooh ... you got it ... the Borg are back ... or are they? So far, Picard seems convinced. Liking it so far. Except the attraction between Worf and the new Vulcan ships counselor....I mean.....how wierd is that thought?!?! A Vulcan and a Klingon? If they follow that thread, it'll be...wierdly interesting.
Well, I've got Saturday night off...not sure what I'll do with it. Waiting for the bank to open, as I do every Saturday morning. And then apparently, I'm staying up to go with the "evil woman" to a memorial service for the mother of one of the other Glory Girls. Sheesh. I'll be highly caffeinated, to be sure!!! Oh, I'm also getting my hair cut...just a little. I've been getting headaches at work, and I'm wondering if it could be because my hair has gotten too long. We'll see.
Ok, I'm freezing...It's like 46 degrees here...and I'm going to get something warm and caffeinated....ttyl...
:D

Monday, August 27, 2007

Ignition


So, the Glory Girls are meeting for prayer again! Yay! This is twice now, in just a couple weeks. It was so good to be together again.


At one point in our prayer, the other four laid their hands on me...and someone had their hand lightly touching my stomach...and I felt this low rumbling fire ignite in my belly. That's the best way I can describe it...fire...and it was a living fire...which I guess is why I described it as 'rumbling'...because it wasn't a physical rumbling...it was this churning deep in my spirit that had been lit. Relit? Anyway, it was a goooooood feeling. I haven't felt the Holy Spirit like that in a loooooooooooong time. When I thought they were done, or had at least paused, I asked who had had their hand there...and I asked her to do it again, and to pray some more b/c of what I had felt. And she did...and....all I heard was "Let it burn." Not from any of them, or even my own thoughts...this Still Small Voice belonged to God. So, I just relaxed into Him and let Him burn....


On another note: I have a brother who could stand some prayer. He has been hospitalized for a infection in his leg...the day before he was to start his new job. Please join with me as I pray not only for his healing, but for the hand of God to be on him and his family.


I have to go get some sleep now. ttyl :)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sighing Deeply

I have one more subject sparked by the book I read that I want to post about....but later. Right now I'm just writing to say that I'm tired and can't sleep. Perhaps it is the daylight...perhaps it is the PMS sparked depression, that even had me shedding tears at work last night...Oh gosh, don't tell Jerry...Perhaps it is just the relentless engine of my mind that can't seem to shut down and stop thinking.

It's not even like I'm thinking about anything all that important, that's the part that gets me!

Of course, I've also been working on my Trek story and I seem to be on a creative streak. I've even written and posted two poems {http://poemsbyraslater.blogspot.com} in as many days. At least, I think it's been only two days....I dunno...days can kind of run together when you work nightshift...especially when you can't sleep.

I think maybe I'll try resting here again in a bit...ok, maybe now... :) Cuz I'm even too tired to remember how to type in a link for my poetry site ... sheesh....maybe later...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Behind the Title

So...I'm looking in the back of "Chasing Fireflies" at the list of questions for Reading Group discussions {{{wouldn't that be so interesting?}}} and one of the questions was: "What do you think is the signifigance of the title, 'Chasing Butterflies'?" The funny thing is, I already had this question answered and written up for my next post! That ought to show how much this book impacted me, as I had this post and the last post already written up {I didn't get much sleep that morning!} I'm actually thinking of doing another one; we'll see. Anyway. here it is -

Everyone searches for meaning, a desire to know that they have purpose...that they were born for a reason, a need to know that they aren't an accident of nature.

Shortly after he'd come to live with "Uncle Willie", Willie took Chase out into the pasture to literally chase fireflies. And in this activity Willie attempts to drive home the fact that Chase's birth and his presence in their home wasn't an accident...a father's attempt to tell his son the truth of who he was?


On this night: Unc turned the jar in his hand. "Scientist say that these things evolved this way over millions of years." He shook his head. "That's a bunch of bunk. I don't think an animal can just all of a sudden decide it wants to make a light grow out its butt. What kind of nonsense is that? Animals don't make light." He pointed to the stars. "God does that. I don't know why or how, but I'm pretty sure it's not chance. It's not some haphazard thing he does in his spare time." He looked at me..."Chase, I don't believe in chance." He held up the jar. "This isn't chance, neither are the stars...And neither are you. So, if your mind is telling you that God slipped up and might have made one giant mistake when it comes to you, you remember the fireflies butt."



No one says it quite like Uncle Willie does...



How many of us have thought that we were a mistake? That somehow, God was sleeping on the job the day He created us.



I know I have. I've railed at heaven, pointblank asking God is he was sure...suer about loving me...did He really mean to make me the odd person that I am...I have even been so bold as to ask Him why He made me a woman...



And He...being the loving [and wise] God that He is...let me finish bitching...and answered me in so many different ways. Letting me know that He most assuredly loves me, that He meant this odd creature and even enjoys her antics...I am fearfully and wonderfully made...covered by His hand even while in the womb. At the time I was writing this up, He hadn't really answered as to why He made me a woman. I believe that He has since answered that, but that is another blog post :)



I remember one night at church, a few years back...one of the prophetic men in our church was praying over me. This is a man that I don't always like, and sometimes take his prophetic words with a grain of salt, remembering that he is a man and therefore fallible. This night though, what he spoke reverberated so deeply, that I knew it was from God. "You are not a mistake or an accident. Your very conception wasn't from an act of lust or even of love between your parents, but it was ordained by God." Well, that's not a direct quote, but you get the idea.



Thing is...my parents waited 5 years for me. Mom even went to the doctors to see if there was anything wrong with her reproductive system...which there wasn't. Doctor just said to be patient and to keep on trying. Which they did and I was born {No! Really? LOL!} Sean, the man praying for me, had no way of knowing this...and I'm not sure I ever did tell him...



Hmmm...maybe I'm a little more special than I thought after all...


Indeed.....aren't we all?