Monday, August 27, 2007

Ignition


So, the Glory Girls are meeting for prayer again! Yay! This is twice now, in just a couple weeks. It was so good to be together again.


At one point in our prayer, the other four laid their hands on me...and someone had their hand lightly touching my stomach...and I felt this low rumbling fire ignite in my belly. That's the best way I can describe it...fire...and it was a living fire...which I guess is why I described it as 'rumbling'...because it wasn't a physical rumbling...it was this churning deep in my spirit that had been lit. Relit? Anyway, it was a goooooood feeling. I haven't felt the Holy Spirit like that in a loooooooooooong time. When I thought they were done, or had at least paused, I asked who had had their hand there...and I asked her to do it again, and to pray some more b/c of what I had felt. And she did...and....all I heard was "Let it burn." Not from any of them, or even my own thoughts...this Still Small Voice belonged to God. So, I just relaxed into Him and let Him burn....


On another note: I have a brother who could stand some prayer. He has been hospitalized for a infection in his leg...the day before he was to start his new job. Please join with me as I pray not only for his healing, but for the hand of God to be on him and his family.


I have to go get some sleep now. ttyl :)

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sighing Deeply

I have one more subject sparked by the book I read that I want to post about....but later. Right now I'm just writing to say that I'm tired and can't sleep. Perhaps it is the daylight...perhaps it is the PMS sparked depression, that even had me shedding tears at work last night...Oh gosh, don't tell Jerry...Perhaps it is just the relentless engine of my mind that can't seem to shut down and stop thinking.

It's not even like I'm thinking about anything all that important, that's the part that gets me!

Of course, I've also been working on my Trek story and I seem to be on a creative streak. I've even written and posted two poems {http://poemsbyraslater.blogspot.com} in as many days. At least, I think it's been only two days....I dunno...days can kind of run together when you work nightshift...especially when you can't sleep.

I think maybe I'll try resting here again in a bit...ok, maybe now... :) Cuz I'm even too tired to remember how to type in a link for my poetry site ... sheesh....maybe later...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Behind the Title

So...I'm looking in the back of "Chasing Fireflies" at the list of questions for Reading Group discussions {{{wouldn't that be so interesting?}}} and one of the questions was: "What do you think is the signifigance of the title, 'Chasing Butterflies'?" The funny thing is, I already had this question answered and written up for my next post! That ought to show how much this book impacted me, as I had this post and the last post already written up {I didn't get much sleep that morning!} I'm actually thinking of doing another one; we'll see. Anyway. here it is -

Everyone searches for meaning, a desire to know that they have purpose...that they were born for a reason, a need to know that they aren't an accident of nature.

Shortly after he'd come to live with "Uncle Willie", Willie took Chase out into the pasture to literally chase fireflies. And in this activity Willie attempts to drive home the fact that Chase's birth and his presence in their home wasn't an accident...a father's attempt to tell his son the truth of who he was?


On this night: Unc turned the jar in his hand. "Scientist say that these things evolved this way over millions of years." He shook his head. "That's a bunch of bunk. I don't think an animal can just all of a sudden decide it wants to make a light grow out its butt. What kind of nonsense is that? Animals don't make light." He pointed to the stars. "God does that. I don't know why or how, but I'm pretty sure it's not chance. It's not some haphazard thing he does in his spare time." He looked at me..."Chase, I don't believe in chance." He held up the jar. "This isn't chance, neither are the stars...And neither are you. So, if your mind is telling you that God slipped up and might have made one giant mistake when it comes to you, you remember the fireflies butt."



No one says it quite like Uncle Willie does...



How many of us have thought that we were a mistake? That somehow, God was sleeping on the job the day He created us.



I know I have. I've railed at heaven, pointblank asking God is he was sure...suer about loving me...did He really mean to make me the odd person that I am...I have even been so bold as to ask Him why He made me a woman...



And He...being the loving [and wise] God that He is...let me finish bitching...and answered me in so many different ways. Letting me know that He most assuredly loves me, that He meant this odd creature and even enjoys her antics...I am fearfully and wonderfully made...covered by His hand even while in the womb. At the time I was writing this up, He hadn't really answered as to why He made me a woman. I believe that He has since answered that, but that is another blog post :)



I remember one night at church, a few years back...one of the prophetic men in our church was praying over me. This is a man that I don't always like, and sometimes take his prophetic words with a grain of salt, remembering that he is a man and therefore fallible. This night though, what he spoke reverberated so deeply, that I knew it was from God. "You are not a mistake or an accident. Your very conception wasn't from an act of lust or even of love between your parents, but it was ordained by God." Well, that's not a direct quote, but you get the idea.



Thing is...my parents waited 5 years for me. Mom even went to the doctors to see if there was anything wrong with her reproductive system...which there wasn't. Doctor just said to be patient and to keep on trying. Which they did and I was born {No! Really? LOL!} Sean, the man praying for me, had no way of knowing this...and I'm not sure I ever did tell him...



Hmmm...maybe I'm a little more special than I thought after all...


Indeed.....aren't we all?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

"Chasing Fireflies"

"Chasing Fireflies" by Charles Martin is the most recent book I have read. I don't always have the best of luck reading stories written in the first person mode, and indeed, this book gave me a litte trouble at the start...but I wanted to know why it was named what it was. I'm glad I persisted, as it was a thought provoking book....a little slow in action, but highly introspective. And once it caught me....I was caught!!

Imagine growing up not knowing who your dad was...wondering, waiting, wanting...only to find out that he's been there all along! In essence, that's what this book was about...but so much more.

Chase, the main character, describes the not knowing as a hole in his chest. He has one faint memory of his father rescuing him from being run over by a train when he was 3. The rest of his childhood memories are of being passed from one foster family to another, of being mistreated and abused...until he at last lands at "Uncle Willie's"...who we find out much later, is Chase's real father all along! I wonder, how many times did Willie try to tell Chase the truth...only to chicken out because of family skeletons and shame? See, Uncle Willie went to prison...for crimes that his own brother committed - robbery and murder [of their father, his lawyer, and Willie's wife]. And while in prison, Willie's son is supposedly kidnapped and killed...supposedly because Willie could tell that his brohter Jack was lieing, and because the body he had to identify just wasn't his son...but he let Jack think he believed it, for the boy's protection. It took some time [and some pictures of the governor's indiscretions] but once Willie was out of prison...he searched for his son until he found him. But because Jack was still to be feared...Chase grew up knowing and calling his father as "Unc", suffocating because of the hole of not-knowing in his chest, and knowing that he had another name, a real name, that his father used in that memory from long ago.

It (identity) is about 2 questions, Chase decides. And so it is. People spend years asking, "Who am I?" They spend so much time, so much money, so much effort into answering this question - that they don't realize that they have to answer another question first....."Whose am I?" Do I belong to someone? Do I matter? Is there someone out there looking for me, wanting me? These questions are not limited to orphans and foster children, they're just more pronounced in them. And it's not always about human parents...though that has a great deal to do with it. It's a lost soul, a prodigal child, longing for the Heavenly Father...the very one who molded us in our mother's womb, who knew us before we were even conceived.

I once had a heated online conversation with a woman about our spiritual parentage. She argued that we weren't considered one of God's children until we accepted Jesus as our Savior. There is some truth to that...the only way to the Father is through Jesus...and when we accept Jesus' sacrifice, we are permitted into God's presence and adopted into the line of Abraham. But I think there is more to it than that. I think we've always been His kids...but we sold ourselves into slavery...well, Adam and Eve did when they willingly sinned in the Garden...and so their descendants were born into slavery, and some willingly continue to serve the Devil in this slavery...but they/we don't have to...Like the Prodigal, we can come back home. Accepting Jesus as Savior, is accepting that He redeemed us from slavery...that is...He bought us back. It's us acknowledging that we are God's...that we belong to Him...and that we're not ashmed of it and we want to be associated with Him...called by His name.

On a human level, the book is about fathers and sons...and yes, fathers and daughters. Chase was often so focused on his own pain...until his cousin/best friend, the family's "prodigal daughter" Tommye says to him..."You know, you're not the only one with a hole in your chest. Girls get them too. We just fill them differently."

How very true.

There're more thoughts to this...but I've gone on long enough for this post...You guys may never want me to tell you about another book I've read! Of all the books I've ever read...this one is one of those deep ones that have the ability to change a life. Because, even though God isn't mentioned alot...He is on every page.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Playing

I've been playing with my fiction blog...I guess I upgraded it so that I could play with fonts and stuff. Not sure if I got what I want yet, but I'll keep playing with it until I'm happy. I've thought about doing that to this one, but I would lose all the changes I've made already...like my clock. We'll see. Maybe when I have more time.

Not doing much tonight, just hanging with Mom watching an old CSI:Miami. I like NY better - it has Gary Sinise.

I went grocery shopping this morning...bought a bunch of healthy food. Well, the suasage gravy probably wasn't the healthiest buy, but I wanted to try it to see if it tasted as good as memory serves. I promise, it was the worst thing I bought! It's a good thing I wasn't hungry when I went shopping though...I bought $50 worth of stuff! Imagine what it would have been if I had been hungry!!

That's all I've done today, aside from sleep and walk dogs. Both Mom's and my friends Paige's.
Went to the library and printed off the papers I needed to make my car legal...picked up two new books to read. I'll let you know how they were once I'm done with them...I don't even remember the titles right now. Sorry!

I'm feeling ok. Lonely? Yes. Tired? Yes. Bored? Just a little! So I think I'll sign off and read some blogs. :)

Saturday, August 18, 2007

What are the odds?


What are the odds that the two books I picked up at the library would have the exact same theme? Well, close enough. The first book's title says it all..."Deception". I finished reading "Skin" by Ted Dekker just the other day...and I've really been thinking about this. First of all, literarily speaking, there are few things sadder than reading a well written book that has been poorly edited. This one was such a book. I found at least six typos and errors that should never have made it through to the press. It was about a group who were trapped in a virtual reality "game" that was meant to be like a gov't test...and one of the "gamers" managed to take over...and was putting the other players through all sorts of ordeals in an attempt to kill them. He succeeded with killing two of them. The other three...at the end of the book...are still alive...and right up until the very end, think they were freed from the game...uhm, no!!! So...in the previous book, we had a police detective trying to solve a murder...which always includes 'deception' cuz the killer never wants to be caught! This one actually tried framing several of his co-workers [uhm, he was a cop!] and even "framed" himself to throw off suspicion!! So, the lesson from both books is...you can't trust what you see, can't even trust your first impressions of something/someone. Sounds harsh, and I'm not going to go overboard, believe you me! It was a good reminder that things aren't always what they seem...and that there is a "reality" far more real than what we can see around us. Regardless of the typos in "Skin", I would recommend both books. Both kept me turning the pages loooong after I should have been in bed!
In other news....I was shorted on my paycheck!!!! By 1.5 hours!!! I can't think they would deduct that much time for being a few minutes late, but I fully intend on finding out tonight! It seems to me, that if you stay a few minutes longer to make up, then it should even out --- right? Whatever. I more than make up with it in the next paycheck as I had 5 hours overtime...3 from last Saturday alone! Which, not that anyone cares....but my feet still hurt from that!!!
I'm hungry. Not sure if I ought to scrounge around for something to eat, as it's not good to eat too soon before bed....but bed won't be until after 8am...which gives me plenty of time as it is not even 4am yet. I don't know what Mom has that I can munch on. I might find out. Ok, I've convinced myself.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Busy indeed!


I am so tired...still.
Saturday I didn't get any sleep until noon...and then it as only for a couple hours...while everyone else kept working...because I had to be back to work at 8. I ended up waking up before I wanted to though, but that was ok because Cliff was in for the day and he included me in the dinner plans...he was only planning on taking Mom, but since I was awake. And then...we were 3 hours late getting the Sunday paper done, which I had to stay for because for some reason, I'm normal mailroom personnel for the Sunday paper...so I didn't get home until almost 8am. But I did sleep pretty much all day Sunday after that, once I got to sleep [my feet hurt sooo bad]. I still haven't completely recovered. At least I have the rest of tonight before I have to be back to work Tuesday at 5.
I got to see five shooting starts last night...I missed a few, because Paige and Winnie and Roger saw some that I missed :( But it was so good to be able to lay on the ground and just watch for the stars...it's been a few years since I've been able to do that. Did anyone else get to see any? Already I am looking forward to next August's star shower :)
I just read an excellent book. "Deception" by Randy Alcorn. A murder mystery, which isn't usually my thing, but it was by this guy and I've read another of his books, "Safely Home" which is a book that I think ought to be read by every Christian. There is just a reality about his writing that I find refreshing...not to mention that it's riveting as well. I even talked Alfonse into ordering the first two books in the series for the library - which is another great thing about this book...it's so well written, that you can read it without having read the first two and don't get lost...but it does create a desire to read the first two...because you've like, gotten attached to the characters and you just want to know more about them.
Next on my list to read is "Skin" by Ted Dekker, another excellent Christian suspense writer. I'll let you know what I think about it as well.
Closing on that thought. :D

Saturday, August 11, 2007

So, here's the deal...

What a pretty picture. Which is the only reason I posted it. It has nothing to do with anything!

So. The first thing you need to know for this story is that there is a church group coming to help my mother clean up the property this day. None of us go to this church. Our only connection is that we used to go to church with the man who is spearheading the idea...years ago....when I was still in high school. They're just doing this to bless her.

Ok. So. Thursday night at work, my mom calls and wants to know if I'm planning on coming up after work to check my email. Which I had been planning on, so I told her yes. "Well, you'll have to come in the front door." ???? "Why," I ask. there aren't any steps to the front door of the trailor at all. "You're brother was walking the dogs and the ramp collapsed on him." !!!! "Well," says I, "Thank God it wasn't you."

I must say that I wasn't concerned for Liston cuz he's a young lad and leaps up from these things still.

I was very upset that he just left for the night though...with no way out for Mom. She'd have been rapped if there was a fire or something.

Then I get another call.....

"You'll never guess who's here..." I hate guessing games!

It turns out that one of them men who are coming today had "just happened" to show up that night wanting to inspect the work site. Needless to say, the ramp was repaired that night so Mom could get in and out. Not sure if they're gonig to work on it more today. But, since she wants me here for some reason....I don't think I'm going to get much sleep today.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm drinking coffee again! LOL!

~~~

I got some overtime this morning, if I'm allowed to keep it. I had to fly the daily until sports was done because we were a little shorthanded last night. If I'd waited three more minutes to punch out, I'd've had a whole hour over....but then, the week's not over yet!

I don't have my notebook with me...I took it home so it wouldn't be in the way in case there is house cleaning today...so I can't work on my Trek story :( Maybe Monday though.

I've been very, I dunno...feeling like I want to write recently. I mean, like stories. Which is good. I haven't wanted to in a long while. I got that little story over on my MySpace blog that I've been writing...I had my Journey series stuff out the other night looking at it and plotting...I've had my Zion story out looking at it too....I'm never short on ideas, so I'm not sure why I've had such a problem writing my stories. Oh well. Maybe it'll come to an end soon. Worth hoping for right?

But not today...cuz I"m beginning to be tired...and people are supposed to show up in just over an hour :( :) ???

I have one more thing to check, a writing course...Long Ridge Writers...and then I'm offline for a while.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Not much...


Not much to report...spent too much time online and didn't even get to reply to my emails...but I did get up a new Trek post, so maybe Jean-Luc will forgive me for slacking...suuure he will :)
An uneventful night at work, which is always good. Though they waited until late to send all the pages at once. Oh well.
I can't think of anything else to post right now, mostly cuz I'm tired. But I know that once I get home from Mom's...I'll be too awake to sleep. I have this problem even when I don't stop here to Mom's before heading home. Not sure what the problem is there. But it usually means I'll have trouble getting up in the afternoon to go to work. Of course, part of that is from not drinking coffee like I usually do...you know...like I'm going through a mini caffiene withdrawl...which would also explain some of the headaches. Ooops! Didn't do it on purpose!! I'll have to treat myself to a cup of coffee later :D
Have a good day everyone :D

Saturday, August 04, 2007

Snow Blind!



And in the middle of summer no less! I swear...I had this problem, at least for a little while, this evening at work. I missed a BIG mistake for Saturday's classifed section...all the dates on the even pages...were on the wrong side!!!! I didn't catch this until after they classified people had went home...so I had to cut the datelines on the negatives {all 5} and move them over! This was done on top of our light table that we use to check the negs on...so I was bending over this table, getting really close, to do this precision cutting...I couldn't turn the light off, becuz then I wouldn't have been able to see what I was cutting! My eyes still feel a little twitchy from this.




That was just the start of the night too! I later noticed that I had missed a mistake in Sunday Classies as well...but Tina was able to fix that mistake easily...she just had to resend it in color. But all this put me behind. I didn't get to eat my lunch - ok, drink it since I'm doing the SlimFast thing right now - until after 11pm...which trust me, is late for me.




I also didn't notice a note from the boss until after I'd been there for almost 5 hours!! While my powers of observation was a little off last night - just a little!!! ----My nose was still working. This is going to sound soooo snobbish of me, but - I'm gonna say it anyways! Not only did my nose tell me that Kirk smelled nice, but he smelled much nicer than JuneBug...MUCH nicer...but JuneBug smelled stronger. Sour, like he either hadn't washed at all, or he hadn't washed his clothes, which is much the same thing in this hot weather. And the kicker is----I never stood more than a couple feet close to either man!!!! I mean, I've never stood very close to JuneBug...situations never called for it. Now Kirk, I've had to get quite close to...because if we don't talk right into each others ears when the press is running, we'd never be able to hear each other!!!!


Sigh. Just sitting here waiting for the bank to open so I can cash my paycheck. I had wanted to get up early this afternoon and go do it {Friday}, but I ignored my alarm clock and kept on snoozing. Maybe next week. So I'm here blogging and pimping up my MySpace profile....it's just so fun adding all sorts of pics and graphics to it...I probably go a little overboard, but I figure it's my space, so I can have whatever I want there right?


Birthday picnic was nice...although the funny thing is that Paige actually forgot she had said 'cookout'...but she went with the flow very nicely and didn't make me fell bad about it. She had Roger grill up some hamburgers, put on some pork-n-beans since Diana bailed on the party and I had asked her to bring her baked beans...her lover must be hung pretty good for her to be dropping me like she is.


31 doesn't feel all that much different from 30...or 29...just another year older.


I think when I get my check cashed...I'm gonna get something chocolate. Not much, cuz I'll have to go to bed and get some sleep before heading back into work tonight. And maybe some bread, or tortilla so I can have a wrap sandwhich. And some bacon. I'm making myself hungry!!! But definately chocolate!


I think I lost my goth tinkerbell that I had on my MySpace profile...oops...I'll have to refind the code now! Drats! I know I lost the 'love me 4 who i am' postage stamp that I had, but I couldn't refind that one last I checked, so that's prob lost for good :( I have to go look for her...she was just so cute! I don't want to lose her!!


I found her!! Yay!! I've even posted her here cuz I think she's just so adorable!! I had a little trouble getting her to go exactly where I wanted her to on MySpace, she tried cutting out another graphic I had...brat! But I got them both squared away :) Which really makes me rather happy!
Ok, I've been on this computer long enough. I'm going to go check one thing, then I'm gonna watch a movie for awhile...I've got Jonah - A VeggieTales movie all set to go in mom's dvd player :)


ttyl! :)