Sunday, April 27, 2008

Nice and light

I am feeling nice and light right about now. Probably has something to do with the wine cooler I just downed.


I've got the next two days off of work. yay! I so don't want to be there.

One of the reasons why my friend Carl quit was b/c of something Boss Jerry said. About how the only person out on the mailroom floor that he trusts is Chrisitna of all people. That man is so blind. You can't let your personal feelings for a person get in the way of business. I don't blame Carl for leaving, I just wish he'd given me a little warning the last time we talked.

Ok, I'm having trouble typing, probably that wine cooler. No doubt it'll be fun later when a certain English friend of mine logs onto Yahoo...


Friday, April 25, 2008

Heart of loneliness

I feel so lonely right now.

I go to work with the same people night after night. None of them know me really. Not who I really am. Oh, they all like me, and are amused at some of my antics. They especially like it when I give myself a sugar high. But no one ever wants to look beneath the surface of the facade I give them. I have to give them that facade, because if there is anything that I learned from my time at First Baptist is that no one wants to see beyond it...such nakedness frightens people.

I suppose that I am faced with the same facades in others. Christina brags about how she is only really open with a few people. That came from a conversation we had about why she was being nasty to me. I wasn't asking her to be "open" with I can see far deeper into her than she would probably like...I was just asking that she treat me decently! Anyway. Some people I would be interested in getting to know better, others I already know too well.

I live with the same people. See them all the time. And am expected to play the same role I did when I was younger. Servant daughter to one. Bitchy older sister to the other. I am not a person. I am a means to an end. A payer of bills. Buyer of food. Blah blah blah.

I miss Carl. And I miss Kirk. Carl was one of the few people on nightshift that I considered a friend...and he told me that he thought of me as a friend too. How long do I give him to return my phone call before I give up on him? It hasn't even been 24 hours yet. And Kirk...was one of the few that I wanted to be friends with. He {almost} always had a smile for me. I don't see it as much on the one night a week that I get to see him now. He's back to being grumpy. I wonder if he's liking the switch to Dayshift as much as he thought he would?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Trained Monkey

I am too incompetent to change the background pic on a computer. It might mess something up. We are talking about the computer I use at work.


Changing the background has no effect on the other programs.

Apparently Jerry was right, all they expect back there is a trained monkey. You know, someone who can do menial tasks over and over again and not think for themselves or ask questions {unless you don't know how to do somethinge}. So maybe I ought to give them what they expect? Argh!

No wonder I feel "banana's" so often!!

I'm tired and I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


The fortune cookies all lied.

Kirk was never home. Although I will keep trying until I find him home to ask him my question. He is my favorite pressman, even though he was a traitor and went to Dayshift. Can say that I blame him...if I had the chance, so would I! Anything to get away from Christina.

Carl....QUIT! However, he did give me his phone number a week ago so at the very least he considered me a friend that he would want to continue being friends with outside of work. He's been unhappy at work for months now, I'm actually a little surprised that he stayed on as long as he did. He was a "no call, no show" though and that doesn't strike me as normal for him. Maybe he was told last time [b/c of car trouble and no cell service] that if it happened again, not to bother to come in...who knows? We do live in a very hilly area where cell service is spotty in some places.

Christina was bitching about how it wasn't fair that she had to fly the inserter for the Daily when the supervisors all know that she has to leave at 3:30 so that she can get to her second job. Uhm.....cry me a freaking river! So what! This job should be her priority as it is the job she had first and is the full time job! Whatever. I hate how she feels entitled to getting out the door earlier than everybody else, like we all have to work to get her out in time. It's not about her! It's about getting the paper done on time! Even on Election night when things are running late b/c of the voting. Maybe especially then.

Hillary took PA. :( But then again, I've heard it speculated that if it came down to her and McCain that McCain would win. Although, I'm not ever sure I like that idea. No offense candidates...but you ALL SUCK this year. Maybe I'll run for president next term...I'll be old enough then {gag}. McKlinko didn't win, even though I voted for him. Hacket won, who I voted for...because his name rhymes with Racket and I figure he'll loose against Carney in the fall. I plan to vote for Carney, because he's the one official who I've emailed...that has actually emailed me back! And like, not SPAM {uh-hum, Hillary!}...or a stupid form reply....but a reply that addressed the issues I had wrote to him about. Unlike Smith who never replied at all...although he does usually post my comments on his blog so I'll give him half a point for that.

To explain the fortune cookie comment....we usually have Chinese food on Saturday nights at work. We all take great delight in reading our fortune cookies, and adding the phrase "in bed" to the end. I had some really great ones this past Saturday night. "You have had a good start. Work harder!" [in bed] "With a little more hard work, your creativity takes you to new heights!" [in bed] "You always know the right times to be assertive or to simply wait." [In bed] "No need to worry! You will always have everything that you need!" [in bed] Ok, it's a silly game, I know that. But when you've already put things into motion to get yourself in bed with a fella, it was kind of encouraging you know. Silly me. Still, I'm not gonna read any more stupid fortunes anytime soon. I might not even order Chinese unless I get laid here soon.

I suppose, enough moaning and bitching for one blog.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Not Much

Not much going on today. Going out to vote in a few. Mom's bitching about doing nothing but dishes for the past two days. Hmmm...I seem to remember having to do that not to long ago so it's all fair to me.

Still horny. My favorite Pressman hasn't been home whenever I've wanted to stop in. So now what? Screw the married guy and try him again later?

My life sucks.

Monday, April 21, 2008


There are some things that are hard to write about here, even though I am just another faceless "bitch and moan" venter.

I've made some decisions this past week, that I am nervous about. There is this one man at work that is one big flirt. He flirts with all of us, even though he's a married man. He makes no secret that he has a rather 'open' marriage. Well. I'm tired of chasing after my favorite pressmen, who doesn't respond beyond smiling. So, sometime today, after I've slept, I'm stopping by my favorite pressman's house and asking him if he'd like to make use of the rubbers in my purse. If he doesn't, I'm going to use them with the other guy.

I'll probably hate myself next week, but I've been so aroused this week that it's been distracting. And he's been the only one giving me any kind of attention. I adore Kirk, and he's my first choice, on this side of the ocean, so I'm really hoping he says yes.

In other news....We had my sister's babyshower yesterday afternoon. There were about 16 people there, about half of what we were planning for. It went ok, even though I was tired {I had worked until 4AM that morning} and Glenda's was being her dorky self...that is majorly embarrassing. She's the oldest sister of us all, though she had a different mother. She's just...not right in the head for starters. I suppose some of it might be related to her being in the Gulf War years ago...but if we're all honest, she's never been 100% right anyways. If I ever become like her, somebody please shoot me.

I absolutely LOVE the pastor's wife of the church where Sara goes where we had the babyshower. She was just so helpful and fun. There ought to be one like her in every church.

One of my friends has started her own blog. She hasn't posted much yet, but why don't you all go over to see Thumbelina and give say hello!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

blog rating

because "pain" was mentioned 4 times..."suck" was mentioned 2 times...and "sex" was mentioned once.

Only once?

Well, at least twice now! I've upped all those words by one now. I wonder if that's enough to up my rating?

Monday, April 14, 2008

I wish

I wish it were that easy Sunny.

To live my own life.

I was for almost 5 years.

But circumstances, some beyond my control, and a mother wonderful at emotional blackmail changed things. the only freedom I find is at work, when Boss Jerry isn't there, and here online in the wee hours when everyone else is in bed.

Things have been a bit different this week though. Mom walked the dogs...once. And she kept up on dishes so there wasn't a pile Sunday. She far from being cripple, and can do far more than she lets on to other people. That really kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Work is going ok, I guess. Though Boss Jerry has stuck his nose into my room more than usual this past week. What is up with that? It gave me a new appreciation for Supervisor Rob.

Nothing much else to report. I have to get back to working on my short story, but my heart hasn't been into it recently. I have been writing poetry again, so there is that much.

I'm going to go walk the dogs and lay down for a few hours before I have to get that brother of mine up for work. That sucks. I'd rather just go to bed.

Monday, April 07, 2008

A new prison...


I didn't get to church last night. The Warden in my new prison didn't let me out. No, I had to stay and make supper...the much complicated task of opening frozen pizza and sliding it into the oven. And then I had to work on the dishes that no one has bothered with for two weeks.

So - the oven door is broken. I'm sure that is a reasonable excuse as to why she couldn't fix her own dinner. I mean, she complains that she can't stand for long periods of time. Well, there wouldn't have been any of that as I was on the computer during each pizza. So it must have been the door.

And I guess I'm just as guilty about the dishes. I shouldn't be the only one doing it though.

And if she would get up and do stuff a little more often...light activities wouldn't wipe her out.

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again. I've been brought in to do the "bitch work" and pay the bills.

Regardless of the fact that I work a minimum of 40 hours a week. And am not allowed to sleep so that I am cranky and always feel exhausted.

Regardless of the fact that I have my own bills and needs.

I'm tired.

A friend says that my problem is that I have no "vision". I have a vision alright. One in which nothing changes and I am forever a prisoner in my home and to my own mother no less. How can I ever have a family and home that is truly my own when I am tending hers? I suppose one could say that this is practice. If I ever marry a man such as the two people I am living with now...I will shoot myself. Of course, there are days I'd like to do that now. But nooooooo...I have a sense of duty and honor that would put a Klingon to shame. My mother depends on my income too much, depends on my for the bitch work she doesn't want to do.

Sometimes doing the right thing is the worse thing you can do. You pay for it for the rest of your life. Pay for it in tears and sweat - no amount of drugs and alcohol lessens the stress and pain - and at the end of the day, you still come up lacking the full amount.

Maybe I'll be in a better mood tomorrow.

Sunday, April 06, 2008


I am definately in a Star Trek kind of mood. No doubt about it. I say this because I just ordered a Star Trek book off of I love that place, and no doubt they love me! But anyway, it was actually another bookstore through Amazon. I'm getting "Strangers From The Sky." Like any other Trek book, it's not "canon" but it is one of the better stories. Let's be honest, they're not all good stories. But's a book I used to have and got rid of in a moment of spiritual zealousy. And I'm buying it again. What can I's a good book.

The kids were at it again tonight at work. Christina and Supervisor Rob had a bet going...he couldn't pick on anyone or he would have to wear a girly shirt. I'm not sure what he got if he won, it must have been bad because when they were setting the rules to the bet with me as judge {how the heck did that happen?}..they wouldn't tell I probably don't want to know! But it doesn't really matter...because he lost. He made some smart comment about his fiancee...and Christina came and told me. He must have said it because he didn't come back to denfed himself. Soooo...he had to put on one of Christina's shirts...Amanda took a picture of it on her cellphone. He looked ridiculous, but it was funny. I wonder what Boss Jerry will say to that when he find out? And you know he will...someone somewhere will tell him about it. There are no secrets from him.

My head hurts. I'm not sure why. I mean, it wasn't hurting when I got up. And I was fine until about 11pm. I took some generic advil, but there's still a little bit of an ache. Actually since I'm on darvocet, I'm a little surprised that I'm in any pain at all, but even my back and leg act u p on it still. Oh well.

I might try going to church tonight. Don't know yet.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Tales From Work and other ramblings

Sooo......Christina brought in cake the other night. Angel food cake with pineapples and pudding mixed together, and strawberries and cherries and coolwhip for toppings. It was really kind of good, though I think I would leave the pineapples out. Anyway...Crazy Jerry [not to be confused with Boss Jerry] and Carl stepped out for a smoke afterwards, leaving me, Christina and Rob in the breakroom. Rob was griping because Crazy Jerry had left his plate behind for him to throw away...and Christina starts trying to get Rob to throw away a small bag of garbage that she had...he refused, something to do with her calling him a pushover earlier in the night...and she starts begging, really pretty like...and two of her sentences "I suck your dick," and "I give you pleasure" really made me wonder if she remembered I was still there. Well, we've all been thinking that the two of them were getting it on, and this kind of confirms it. Of course, it's my word against theirs and they'd probably say I misheard or made it up or some goofy shit like that. Like I have nothing better to do than make up crap about the two of them.

And tonight, when we were in the office, Christina said something about Rob getting married [to his fiance who isn't Christina!] he made a 'no I'm not' comment that struck me as kind of odd as well.

All their denial is pretty lame. A blind and deaf man could tell that they want each other. heck, I'm pretty sure a dead man could tell!

Let's see. Oh, I finally got my taxes done! When the money comes back, Carl is going to fix my car. Then I'll be able to renew its inspection, which just ran out the end of last March. And then, I'll be able to go whenever I want and not even have to tell anyone where I'm going or anything like that! I will be Queen of the dirt roads once again! I can't wait!!

When my other tax check comes, the "economic stimulus" check the Pres has promised us...I am going shopping! I am going to get my new sneakers and some jeans and some shirts. And I might even pick up a new dress. Something pretty.

I am reading Vulcan's Heart right now...probably for the millionth time! It's Star Trek, of course. It's one of my favorite Trek tales. It's all about Spock and Saavik, and the Romulans. I also borrowed Star Trek: Nemisis from the library when I was there. I guess I'm in a Trekkie mood right now. And actually, oddly enough, I've been thinking on Star Wars too...trying to decide whether to revive any of my old fan fiction stories. I'd have to start over from scrap, as I was on a super-spiritual jag once and threw everything science-fiction away. What was I thinking?

I don't have to be into work until 8:30 tonight. I was scheduled for 8, but I had to stay and fly sports last night which put me an hour over so Rob said I could just come in later. So I am. I'll have to go out grocery shopping at some point though, so I won't be able to sleep too late. Not that I'm allowed to sleep around here. Working nightshift has started to really suck since moving back home with Mom. Sigh.

Ok. Everybody have a good day! :)

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Time to myself....

Jean-Luc and K tell me I need to make it a point to have some time to myself. This makes's just never that easy. I was sharing with Jean-Luc via email that it feels like I have to lie to get out of the house by myself. I used the bank yesterday, though every word was true...I really did have to make it to the bank before 4:30...but I also had the chance the night before to just let Paige put the check in the bank for me, and I turned her down saying it would get me out of the house sooner. I might try making a doctor's appointment and not telling her the real time so I can be by myself longer, of course, I'll be in a pickle if she has something she wants to do that day too. I really do need to go though, I have to get my birth control renewed...this week's monthly has been horrid and I've only been off it a month.

I got lucky today. Mother had an eye doctors appointment and so I have the trailor to myself for a little bit. And so I'm blogging!!!

I am so selfishly sad because last night I realized that I can't buy new sneakers. No, I have to pay something on the $300+ electric bill. I'll never be able to pay it all on the next paycheck, and I'll have to save something for gas. I did manage to buy a new shirt last week from the dollar store, and got rid of one of my holey work shirts. I had to get rid of one of my jeans the other weeks too....

have to go...Liston just got home...