Saturday, January 29, 2011

Another Weekend

So far, this weekend is nicer than last. Justin might be playing his Xbox, but at least he's responding when I talk to him! That was getting so old! Boys and their toys! He's been much more attentive since our talk, though.

Not sure if we're doing anything, as in going out. Tempy wasn't home when I tried visiting last night, so maybe I'll go tonight if she's home, maybe. Justin's talked about going to visit a second cousin of his, and I'm not sure if I want to go. I kind of just want to stay home. It's not as cold as it was, but it's still winter!

I have to get back to writing my short story. Not sure why I hit slack time with that. Trying not to drag it out as long as The Wheel of Time series! lol! I've been rereading the first book of the series, The Eye of the World. Remembering why I liked it in the first place. Lord only knows if I'll make through the other bazillion books in the series, I think there's something like 14 or so.

I also just finished reading Vulcan's Forge by Josepha Sherman and Susan Shwartz. I'd read Vulcan's Heart years ago, which is apparently the sequal to the other. Finally reading Forge cleared up a few minor questions I had. They bounced back and forth between the past and present, but unlike Unspoken Truth they did it much more effectively by alternating chapters until the past story was finished. I like that way much better. They also did something else that I like in Star Trek...throwing in Scripture and using it correctly, one might even say logically since we're dealing with Vulcans!

So, does anyone out there have a book or set of books that they like to reread from time to time? I like doing that because it's like visiting old friends, and you always see something new.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


I's tired.

Yes, I know that's not proper English. But that's ok. Cuz it's the truth! lol! I was so pampered at the Daily, and we've had such short weeks at Carill recently that I don't know what it's like to work an 8 hours day! We put one in yesterday though and another today. Don't know about tomorrow yet.

Justin wants us to start working even longer hours. To make our paycheck bigger of course. So that we can #1 catch up on rent, and #2save money. We have a goal, $3-6,000 so that on the off chance that his Xbox buddy comes through with the job offer, we can take it and move! We'll see.

I was going to type more, but I think I'll wait. I want to go to bed soon, and maybe have some more sweet the one I had the other night about taking a trup to France!!! I was so excited! I was going to get to wander around Paris and see the Eiffel Tower! I wasn't one bit concerned about not knowing the language! I'm still amused by that.

So, sweet dreams everyone!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Jesus Wept

In my last post I made a comment about how big girls don't cry is a lie. I got in 'trouble' at the last church I attended because of how much I wept. I was labeled "emotional". I was, and I am...and to this day I don't understand why this is a bad thing. I can think and reason with the best of them. I'm intelligent and witty and curious. The fact that I allow myself to express my emotions in a place that I thought was 'safe' because the presence of God was apparently erroneous.

No one ever asked why I was crying. They all assumed that every time was the same, that I was depressed. I cried for a variety of reasons. I was sad. I was glad. I was overwhelmed by His love. But like I said, no one ever asked.

Let's see. Jesus wept...It wasn't even His grief He was weeping about, it was compassion for Mary and Martha and their grief. The psalmists lamented...mixed right in with their praise and worship.

No one ever considered that I might be bi-polar. Even the suggestion was wrong. It was alright for the 'crazy lady' who knocked the cop down to be bi-polar{true story by the way}...but for me to suggest that I was..."Oh, it's just your is a roller coaster full of ups and downs." Yeah, ok. If that makes you feel better.

I was actually on some bi-polar medicine recently, for about a month. They were free samples from my doctor, and no doubt we'll be discussing it at my next appointment. I felt better. Oh, I still had my ups and downs...but they weren't as extreme {and they've been extreme since I changed jobs}. I don't know that I was always happy...but I felt more balanced.

I still say that it takes more strength to cry than it does to hold it in. Because you open yourself to ridicule and labels. I comfort myself in that He knew the reason why I cried, and that He caught every tear as they fell. Those people can just blow wind for all I care.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Yahoo Comments

Sometimes I wonder why Yahoo allows comments on their stories.

I'm all for the 1st Amendment, Freedom of Speech, Press, Religion, and Expression. I think it's great. But reading comment on Yahoo stories makes me think that there are some people out there who just shouldn't be expressing themselves online. It makes America looks ignorant.

Not stupid. Ignorant. There's a difference. Stupid can be fixed...a little teaching, a little guidance, a little enlightenment...voila! Ignorant doesn't want to be fixed. They're happy with their sick dumb-ass opinions.

It amazes me how quick grown adults are to trash someone else, even if it's an innocent child. I remember one story a while back about a little girl who was being teased about liking Star Wars by the boys at school. Apparently these boys either liked her or had never been told that sci-fi is for girls too. It upset the girl to the point of tears when her mom asked why she wanted to change her Star Wars lunch thermos for something else. Whether this was handled correctly by the adults involved in the story, I have no opinion. Should the teacher been more aware of what was going on in the lunch room? Maybe. But that's hard. You can't monitor kids all the time. And I'm kind of glad that it hit the Internet and media because of how much positive came out of it for the little girl. But I was surprised at the absolute venom released in the comment forum at her. I hope her parents were wise and that she never saw all that negativity and outright hate. Towards a 7 year old girl. By so-called adults. Disgusting.

It's one thing to debate whether the teasing was bullying and how bad it was. We weren't there and we're not 7 anymore. I was both teased and bullied at that age, and years later it all merges into each other. Teasing gone too far is bullying in my opinion. People who've never been bullied should keep their lack of experience in mind when they talk about it. And giving a 7 year old a hard time because she cried? Puh-lease! She's 7, it was a totally age appropriate response. Give her a few more years before you start lying to her about how big girls don't cry {another post}.

It's sad. But apparently the 1st amendment grants us freedom to be ignorant too.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Should I?

I am barely out of bed this Saturday morning. Maybe, no not even an hour. I haven't made my coffee, or had breakfast, but I did take my medicine. Speaking of coffee...I paused long enough to start it brewing. It'll be eggs for breakfast, since I didn't pick up any oatmeal yesterday. Not likely I'll get any this pay period...maybe next week. Sigh.

Should I...? Why not? I'm thinking of doing a Weekend Question, just like my blogger buddy Jean-Luc...though I doubt mine will ever be as good as his. His this weekend is about books you don't finish. Since I don't recall any since high school, I'm not doing that one! Besides, that would be rude!

So, I'm going to borrow Family Life Network's topic from earlier this week. Pet peeves! As I was listening to Sonny talk about pet peeves, his and the callers, I was stumped. I know that I have them, I just drew a blank that afternoon.

One of mine, is when I'm driving along and the vehicles ahead of me are stopped for a green light! Green means go! Hello?!?! Granted sometimes we're daydreaming and we don't realize the light had turned...or we just see the traffic lights and we automatically stop. I say we, because this is a pet peeve I'm guilty of! I've been driving right along, come to traffic light and stopped even though the light was green! And no, I wasn't on the cell phone!

Another pet peeve of mine involves language. I hate it when people use the F-bomb incorrectly...and especially when they put it in the middle of "Oh My God" or "Jesus Christ". Drives me NUTS. I heard it so often while I worked at the Daily, that I sometimes think it like that in my head...and then I beat myself up. It's blasphemous, just for starters. And I love my God and Savior and don't want to think like that. It's a very insidious word and I don't like it. I'm not in that environment any more so I'm hoping I'll unlearn it.

You're turn! What are your pet peeves?

Friday, January 21, 2011


Finally!! The weekend is here! I am so tired! And I didn't even work 40 hours this week...let;s see...6 on Monday, 7 on Tuesday, 4.5 on Wednesday, 7 on Thursday, 5.5 today{Friday}=30 hours. I left early on Monday for an 'interview' at Dupont, was late on Wednesday, left early today to take Mom to the Packer so she could be "pre-admitted" for her procedure in February. Still, 30 hours in that wretched cold place certainly feels like 40. And then some. Not to mention its COLD on the outside too! The bank temp said 11degrees F on my way home from Mom's.

I have new bruises this week from the awkwardness of my work station. Which no one cares about. The Blue Hat, my immediate suprvisor, gave me another product to pull if I have everything, I have the potential to have 8 different products to pull of the line. When I commented about how overwhelmed I was feeling, the answer I got, other than to come to work everyday, was, "If I can do it, I expect you to do it." I have a hard time saying what I want to this woman: "Uhm,'re tall and thin...I'm short and fat...there's no way I'm always going to be able to do everything you do." Don't get me wrong...I'm trying...but the feeling of anxiety I get trying to do this is BS! Half the reason why I left the Daily was too much uncalled for anxiety.

Not going to do much this weekend. Gonna stay in where it's warm and probably blog blog blog! Ok, I might do some laundry and nag Justin to do something other than play Halo aaalll weekend, but odds are that's what he's gonna do!

Oh well. At least we have fuel in the tank and are warm. And I can bake if the mood so strikes! Hmmmmm.....

Thursday, January 20, 2011

A good thing to hoard...

Hoarding is usually bad. Stacks of newspapers piled high...too many salt and pepper shaker...a small path to the bathroom...but there is one thing that is worth hoarding for a while...

Store receipts!!!!!!

Case in point. We bought Justin's mother a giftcard for Christmas. Not just any gift card, but an X-Box Live Microsoft points card. 4000 points = $50. It doesn't work. The store won't do anything for us because we don't have the receipt, so we have to deal with Microsoft. Of the two, Microsoft has been a lot nicer to deal with.


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Health Care or Headache?

Seriously...President Obama and The Senate and Congress and all who make our laws...instead of making health insurance mandatory, how about making it #1- more affordable for all and #2 WORTH HAVING!! I now have a $2000+ emergency room bill because my unnamed health insurance deemed it 'non-life threatening' and won't pay any of it! Uhm, I almost passed out in my shower, my own doctor's office told me to go to the ER and I had no idea it was a simple reaction to the blood pressure medicine that I didn't need until I got there, and that's what the doctor decided was wrong. Oh, that and I'm diabetic---which, if any of those morons had actually been listening when I was giving my history they would have already known and they wouldn't have had to "diagnose" me as a diabetic. Uhm, my problem that day wasn't my was the unneeded medicine...which we didn't know it was unneeded until I almost passed out.

Almost passing out in the shower IS life threatening. I've slipped in the shower before and thankfully din't get any broken ribs, just a nasty bruise on my side. This time though, what could have happened? Especially with all that running water? Thank God my boyfriend had called off that day and was home to help me.

Not to keen on my health insurance at the moment, but what can I do? I have NO CHOICE in what my employeer offers me or my boyfriend.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Through the Window

I thought about calling this through the Looking Glass, but I figure that's copywrited.

I've spent the weekend trying to network and gather something of a following. I used to have one, I kind of miss it. Not so much as an ego thing, as feeling like I belong to a kind of inline family. Not like Facebook where I know 90% of my friends, maybe 95%. But strangers pulled together.

I came to the conclusion today that blogging is like peeping through windows. Kinf of like a peeping tom, but with permission. Everytime we hit the "Publish Post" button, we give permission to total strangers to look into our lives, our thoughts, our feelings, our dreams, our hopes, our nightmares...

It takes bravery I think. Especialy if you are brave enough not to censor yourself and write with total honesty. The scariest part of that, for me at least, it when I go back in time and look at some old posts and say, "What the heck? Was that really me that wrote that? I'm so not that person anympre."

Old posts scare me! Because yes, I really wrote that. That is who I was in that moment of time. Like I said in a recent post, I'm not perfect in my Christianity, but I keep trying. Probably one of my saving graces! Lol!

And I'm crazy enough to let everybody watch though this window! I think I just came up with a new title for this blog!

I've been wanting to change it. The Other Side of Reality is a good name, but it's old and no longer fits me and who I am. Window Into My Reality would be much more suiting at this present time!

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Matthew 25:14-30 (New King James Version)
"For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey. Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. And likewise he who had received two gained two more also. But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord's money.
After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them. So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, 'Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.' His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'
He also who had received two talents came and said, 'Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.' His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'
Then he who had received the one talent came and said, 'Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.' But his lord answered and said to him, 'You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. Therefore take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents. For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

I have been given a talent...of writing poetry and prose. Whether is a big talent, or a little one, I am endeavoring to use it in such a way as to hear "Well done" from my Father in heaven when I cross over into the other side. It might not look like much...3 little non-profit blogs...but it's my best.

I had a friend tell me once, years ago when I first started blogging, that she thought I had better things to be doing and better things to concern me than blogging. Oh she of little faith! She had a point only in that I shouldn't be worrying over some random blogger I angered by an innocent beginners mistake. Granted, I should have been more careful in my comments, but since the man didn't really know me why should his judgment of my character matter...

Or should it? It was a painful lesson for me to learn. While this is an anonymous blog, it can still be an honest picture of who I really am...what kind of Christian I am...and therefore what kind of God I serve. It is not always a pretty picture (of me, since God is beautiful even when I am ugly!). But since this incident, I have tried to be more careful of my random comments when I'm surfing "Next Blog". I try not to censor myself, though I am conscious that the life I live is not always Godly, at least I am an honest that I have trials and tribulations and sometimes I'm not very honest, trustworthy, or nice. But I'm trying.

And when it comes to blogging, I think my ex-friend failed to realize the potential. I can reach millions of people here, share my heart, Jesus, my poetry, etc. What a huge potential! I can make friends here, of all sorts of diverse people. It might not have a big return, but at least I'm not burying my talent or writing in the sand, nor is it drawing interest in the bank...although I think that's where it might have been for the past several years when I was experiencing writer's block. I learned as much in the silence as I did before when everything was flowing so smoothly!

So, whatever your it big or little, use it! Don't die with that passion trapped inside of you! Blog! Write! Sing! Paint! Whatever it is, do your best! Even if it is for a few, share it!

Saturday, January 15, 2011



I've often wondered what my purpose in life is. Just the other day Justin and I were talking about his life, about how I would be devestated if he were to die. He is a daredevil, especially in a vehicle, and has probably cheated death more than I would care to listen to. He's almost given me a heart attack or two! In his defence, he is a young man with a need for speed. I just hope the cops catch him before the Grim Reaper does! Don't tell him I said that.

He has often said, especially early in our relationship, that he would be surprised if he lived to see 25. Well, he turns 24 in March, so we're almost there. I was taken back a little by something he said. I had asked him a question, about wanting to live. And he replied, "What's the point?"

This disturbed me more than a little, mostly because I didn't know how to explain my feelings on the matter so that he would understand. Verbally I'm not always very eloquent with my words. Given the confusion one time when I was trying to explain a commercial to him, I'm not sure how to give him and answer to one of mankind's biggest questions.

What is my purpose? What's the point to all this stuff we've got going on? A lot of our "stuff" is pointless and window dressing on what life should really be.

In short, our pupose is to live. That's my thoughts on the matter, after many years of thinking about it. If it sounds too simple, well it is simple. God created us to ... live! What that means to different people, I don't know. For me it means living life to the fullest, not getting sidetracked by silly things for too long. To enjoy the people around us, especially our family. Using my God given talents how I see fit (That's another post for another time). And honestly one facet of our life is to show off God's handiwork. "This is what God has done in my life..." To witness to otheres just how great of a God I serve. Sometimes this means being verbal, sometimes this means writing an worship poem or weaving Him into a short story and posting it on my blog, and sometimes it means just shutting up becuase it's not always about me!

While I might not have the answer to the question of purpose in other's lives, I've found the answer to my own question. Surely, some of this answers other's, but the part about writing doesn't pertain to everyone. Too bad I didn't figure some of this out sooner...I mean, my blogs laid silent for almost 2 years, but the fountain of writing was closed to me and it only broke when I left the Daily.

Purpose is something we all long for, but not every one find the answer. And sometimes, we will never see the impact of our words and our deeds until we're on the other side of our life. We can never fully see how we impact others' lives. I mean, I write in faith. I don't have the following I once had here...but I hope that there are still readers out there that just don't comment. Somedays I'm ok with that, other times not so ok, but I deal with it. I write and hope that someone out there is positively effected by my writing, that they enjoy my poems and short story, that my ups and downs gives perspective to their lives as reading other blogs gives me a different perspective on my own life.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Unspoken Truth

"Unspoken Truth" is the latest Star Trek book I've read. It was one of the ones I got with my big book order from and it was one of the few that I had never read before. I'll be honest, over half the books I'd ordered I had previously read and then stupidly got rid of them for reasons I won't go into here.

Anyway, I'm sad to say this, but I didn't really like the book that much. It picks up immediately after Star Trek 3 and deals with Saavik. The regular Trek characters, not counting Spock's parents, have cames...and some aren't seen at all. That's just a statement of the truth, I'm not saying it was a bad thing, but it wasn't exactly a good thing.

For me, the plot was too slow moving and too bulky. There were a lot of not quite flashbacks that made it hard to follow. Not to mention that the author tended to write really long sentences. I'm talking...looooong. An entire paragraph that took up half the page was only 2 sentences long. Sometimes I got lost mid-sentence and had to start again.

And she completely neglected T'Pren! She was a minor character in the book this was supposed to have springboarded off of, "The Pandora Principle". A book that was much loved the first time I had it, and still is. But T'Pren was a major character in that she was important to Saavik. And she was not even mentioned in "Unspoken Truth"!

I would not reccomend this bookm but that's just my personal opinion. "The Pandora Princple" though gets 2 thumbs up!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I just found out that it's Wordless Wednesday!

Got to blog

Well, I guess. It's been over a week since my last post. Time to blog about something new.

Only thing is, I'm not sure what to write! Not on this my diary blog that is. I've got everything else knocking around in there. Trying to get Zion's Children wrapped up so I cant get start on my next story, "First Best Destiny?" which will also be in my Conglomerate universe but with completely different characters. Well that's what I'm thinking at the moment. I might change that, but I doubt it. It wasn't going to be originally but I was freewriting some of it yesterday while I was waiting for Justin to get done with work and it just flowed into the story and I'm like, "Really?" I thought about it and decided to keep it that way.

I've also got some poetry rattling around in there but I haven't gotten it finished yet.

We called off work again today. I don't know why. Well, I don't know why he called off. I called off because he did. It'll be the last time because if he misses any more work he won't have a job to go back to. A little scary. Makes me glad I'm not pregnant.

I'm thinking of starting my own baking company. Cakes especially because I like decorating them. I'd call it "Bizzy Bea's Bakery" in honor of Bea Simons, r.i.p., as she was a great kind lady who was always so nice to me when she was alive. Almost like another grandmother. She was a cake decorator as well. And I remember loving her flower graden as well. Gonna miss her.

I guess. Got to get back to my imaginary worlds.

As you can see, I've changed the look of my blog. How does it look to you?

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!!! I have a good feeling about this year! Let's hope I can say that a year from now!

Had a good night at mom's last night. Made two awesome kick ass pizza's from scratch. One was a pepperoni and the other was sausage bacon. The only thing I forgot to do was put the onions and peppers on the second pizza. Oh well, there's always next time! We had soda and sparkling grape juice to drink. We never did open the chips so we'll have them later this weekend.

I've taken two pregnancy tests, not on the same day, and they've both come up negative. But I still don't have my period. I've never ever had it this late before. I'm trying to relax and not worry about it, honest. I'll wait until next Wednesday and try another test. It either reset itself when I had that wierd mid-cycle bleed, I'm pregnant and the hormone's just not high enough yet, or I've hit menopause! I'm way too young for that last one! I'm only 34! But I suppose it could be possible.

Just gonna relax today and enjoy my legit 3 days off.