Monday, August 04, 2008

When did I say that?

My sister-in-law Liz called last night and wanted someone to ride along with her to WalMart. Well, I was bored and like spending time with her once in a while. We talked about different family issues going on right now. From Liston's attraction, to Duane's possible upcoming leg amputation {Duane's her hubby}. Somewhere in there, our pasts came up. Before marrying my brother, she had a string of lovers...while I didn't even have sex until I was almost the heart of us, we're really not that different, though I don't know she'd ever see it. Anyway, she made a comment that sometimes she wished that she was more like, dumb-ass that I am, I ask her exactly how she meant that. Her reply? "You've never wanted a steady relationship."


When have I ever said that?!?!?!?!?!

I would LOVE to find a man who loves me...who wants to know the woman inside as much as much as he wants to fuck the outside woman...just because I haven't found that man, doesn't mean I don't want that relationship. I'm just not willing to lower certain standards. I am 32 years old, and I'm sorry I refuse to hitch up with the first man who sniffs around...and yes, if I get a hint that all he wants is sex, I'll drop him like a hotcake b/c I don't have time for games. Nor do I have the patience. I want someone who's going to be responsible. And I want someone who is willing to let me be the woman God created me to be. Of course, I know that I will have to give the same in return, and that I'll have to sacrifice my own desires once in a while. I'm not stupid. Niave maybe, but not stupid. While there are times when all I want is a really good roll in the hay...those times haven't always been at the same time that I've got some hound dog sniffing around and I've been safe from the bad decisions that I made with Steve...and I'm smart enough to know that it's God protection. I might not always like it at the time, but afterwards...I've been like..."Wow, I was that close to screwing up again, and God protected me. Even from myself!"

I am honest enough to admit that I'm pretty skittish right now about any guy...with one exception but he lives in England. Between the 50 year old from the 4th of July, and my own brother...I just feel like a piece of meat. I'm more than that. I'm a crazy zany woman with a love of books and chocolate who is just beginning to rediscover her writing voice. I like to sleep late when I can, and I like listening to the thunder in the distance [it's when it's directly overhead that I begin to not like it as much!]. And I'd really like to find a guy who wants to find that out. I'm also high-strung, spend a lot of time in the realm of make-believe {hello? I'm a writer!} and sometimes have trouble controlling my fiery temper - so my imaginary man is also going to have to be a little patient....and calm...and gentle.

Maybe that's my problem. I want too much.


Jean-Luc Picard said...

Good for you that you that you have high standards. Some men admire that. I know I do.

Liz was way off base in making a remark like that. I hope you put her right.

Ciera said...

Yes, I let her know that her assumption was wrong. I wish people would be more careful about the assumptions they make.