Window Into My Reality

Well, it is almost my birthday. 35 years on Sunday. Not sure how I feel about this. I know that it's just a number, but it's higher than it used to be! lol! Life has been eventful over the past two months. Justin's grandma decided that she had enough of fighting cancer and decided she wanted to come home to die. So that's what happened. She was home for a little over a week, we nursed her and made her as comfy as possible...and then she died. :( I know that she is with Jesus, but I miss her. My natural grandmothers died when I was young, I only have vague memories of my dad's mother...so Grandma Judi really was like a grammy to me. I'm glad that the animosity that was present when Justin and I first got together has disappeared, because I'd never have been able to get to know her at all otherwise. With Justin not having a job, and his unemployment being patchy at first, we fell way behind in rent and they wanted to evict us. Justin's parents ...

What a week I've had. I've been taking prednisone for over a week, just finished the last dose actually. And I've had trouble sleeping all week. 9, 10, 11 o'clock rolls around and I'm not tired...which isn't good when one must get up around 4AM! It was catching up to me today, and actually I just got up from a long afternoon nap...evening nap? So I'm not gonna want to sleep again tonight! lol! At least I don't have to work tomorrow! Of course, one night I was up late becuase of family drama. Mom lost her temper while trying to speak some truth to Liston's girlfriend Alysson...so I'm talking to both of them. Mom's upset because Alysson didn't want to hear it (which she's allowed) and Alysson was upset because Mom was yelling at her. Of course now, the entire trip that was in question has been cancelled because Liston and Alysson feel that Mom threw a fit...which since she lost her temper is essentially what she did. But sinc...

Well, we had a good Mother's Day. Liston and his girlfriend, me and Justin, our oldest half-sister Glenda, all took Mom to dinner at a local restaurant. Good food, good company. The only glitch in the day was that my sister Sara wasn't able to get her little boy alone for the day, the jerk of a father insisted that they stay at the exchange place. Which was just up the road from where we were all at. So when we were done, we all motored up there to see them. Well, ex-jerk didn't like that so he took their son and left. So I whipped out my camcorder and taped the leavetakings. Ex-jerk doesn't know that. But if she ever needs it to prove that her son would rather be with her, she'll have it. Talk about heartbreaking.

Well, that went well. Justin backed out on me at the last minute. So I went by myself. Yes, Jean-Luc, it is sad that it is needed. I never would have thought that I'd be in a domestically violent relationship. It's really rather depressing, although the underactive thyroid doesn't help with that at all. These are the scratches he gave me the other morning. He hasn't hit me. Yet. But if this continues, it's only a matter of time. I want to see him get the help he needs. In the mean time, I'm going to get the help I need. This is not the Justin I fell in love with. Even my best friend Tempy agrees that this isn't "our" Justin. We want him back. I want him back. :'( Of course, I also want to shake the shit out of him. But more violence isn't the answer.

Well, the best news is that Justin has a job! It's not exactly "new" job, he's gone back to work at the Daily as a pressman. Which unfortunately means that he's on nightshift while I'm on days ... part of me says, BOOOO!!! .... Part of me says, Thank you Jesus! It's a job, which means that there's going to be more money coming into the household again, and since they're paying him more than when he left, it's not that big of a paydrop...although they're not paying him what he's worth, but then they never do. We start couples counseling tomorrow night...if he doesn't back out. He's a stubborn proud man who wants to fix his own problems, but we've been living together for 2 years now and instead of his temper getting better, each episode - however sporadic - is getting worse. I can relate as I used to have a very bad temper myself, I was horrible. I realize that I've got a good 10 years on him, but I was around his ...

Well. Where to begin? I guess at the beginning. On March 23rd we had a snow storm here, and Justin and I were involved in a car accident on the way into work. We were ok, although the passenger of the other vehicle went to the hospital...a pain in her shoulder, though it might have just been an old injury that was aggravated. Anyway, our truck was stuck, the road ahead of us closed because of another accident so we didn't make it to work. Work wouldn't forgive the "point" for being absent and since Justin was maxed out on points, he lost his job. Things have not been easy. He hasn't found another job yet, though he hasn't been looking all that hard. We won't find out for a few more weeks whether he'll be approved for Unemployment...they have to figure out if it was a just firing or not. It wasn't, especially since it was a reportable accident. He wasn't told until the day AFTER that if he'd gone to the hospital to be checked out that...

Prayers for Japan. Such a huge quake at 8.9. I watched some videos online and can't get over the devestation, both from the quake and from the resulting tsunami. And to think that waves reached as far as California and Hawaii from it as well. Of course, my mind working as it does, wonders how this will effect the world economy as well. May it not be bad. Wherever you are Mariko, I hope you are safe. Mariko is a Japanese lady that I went to college with briefly back in '94. Sadly I lost track of her, but I think of her from time to time. She was so sweet and trying to teach me her language. So was Cynthia, a Puerto Rican. This is no doubt one factor of why I was dubbed the coolest white person on campus. May the aftershocks be small.