I was looking through an old journal last week, and couldn't help but notice how hung up I used to be on my dreams. I dunno, maybe it was my 'dream journal' for all I can remember now. Do I believe that God can and does speak to people [me] through their dreams? Absolutely! The dream I have below is an example of that...and one worth remembering as far as I'm concerned. Something I've found as I've been going through old emails. It's dated Sept. 19, 2006.
I dreamt about Jesus this morning. About what it might have been like to fellowship at a meal with Him. I know that it wasn't like the bible times, but He and His disciples where sitting around a picnic table at the shore...there was a bonfire going. Some of the people around the table were His disciples from then...some were people I knew from today. I remember peaking around the corner...watching the fun and listening to the laughter...being jealous because Mary Magdalen was out there...and then Jesus saw me and beckoned for me to join them...I remember getting to set at the end of the table, near Jesus. Then we were fishing. The waters were a bit rough at first, but Jesus was having a blast being out on the waters with His friends. I remember helping Peter cast the net over the side and then dragging it back in, full of little fish. I'm not sure if the fish were close to the surface or if we were fishing in shallow waters, which wouldn't make sense since we were in a boat for crying out loud, but you know dreams...we were also close to shore where we were fishing.
It's not that hard of a dream to figure out, if you know any of your Bible anyways. Jesus was beckoning me to come closer...letting me know that I was every bit as loved as Mary Magdalen. And she's right up there with Mary of Bethany, you know. MM was a sinner...and she knew just how much she had been set free from [7 demons] and knew just how much she had been forgiven and how much she was loved. She was as much a disciple/follower as the guys were. Jesus didn't shut women out of His entourage. He welcomed them as much as He did the little children. You see, the women got it. They knew what He was saying. The women who annoited Him with perfume and oil days before His crucifixion knew that He was talking about His own death...while the guys were squabbling over who among them was the greatest.
John knew how much he was loved to...in his entire Gospel he never once refers to himself by his name...he called himself "His beloved disciple" or just Beloved. John knew that he was loved and accepted to the depth of his being. He didn't give two shits about the other guy, he just knew that he was secure in the arms of grace. By that, I'm refering to Peter's quetion at the Lake, during the breakfast after Jesus' resurrection when Jesus gave him commands "Feed my sheep" etc...and Peter asks, "Well, what about him?" actually refering to John. Jesus replied,"What is that to you?"
When Jesus calls us, it's something personal. It's a relationship with Him...not everybody in the church. It's a romance. He wants to draw you deeper into Him...who He is a Savior, God, and yes, a friend. Jesus didn't walk this earth as some holier-than-thou teacher with an attitude, because He really is Holy than any of us...He genuinely liked the people He was hanging out with. Even Judas, had Judas been able to see what was really going on, had he been able to accept the divine call and love. Jesus, as a man, was a guy you could relax around...even though He was/is the Creator of the universe and could blast you with fire and brimstone if He wanted. How you can relax around that, is really nothing short of a miracle itself!
When I think of how often I was walking on pins and needles at that last church I went to, I cringe. How much of it was fed into by leadership and how much of it was actually Paige's paranoia, I don't know. I may never know. But regardless...that's not what Jesus saved me for, not what He called me into. He saved me, called me, however you want to put it...because He loves me...He sees all that I am, the good the bad and the ugly...and loves me anyway...with a passion and depth I don't always grasp. And that's how He wants me to look at other people. I don't always succeed - a flaw I know that I"m not alone in having.
And He wants to be my friend. Me of all people!
Someone I can talk to...no holds barred. Someone I can depend on. Someone I can trust.
Even when I can't see Him, or hear Him, or feel Him. I've had enough moments in my life to know that He's always there. Always waiting for me to need Him, want Him.