Window Into My Reality

I should be working on my Trek short story to get the next part posted. I did a quick one for Bob and posted a poem and written the rest of a loooong email [no, y'all can't see that !!!!] But what am I doing instead??? Sitting here catching up on other blogs and trying not to fret about my meeting this afternoon with Pastors, or the friendship issue. Which, if I'm such a negative influence---why does he agree to let me babysit their kids? He is so confusing me right now with the issue. Grrrrr.....I missed a library appreciation dinner last night to babysit too....double grrrrrrrr!!!!! I'm going to go up the mountain to another friends after the library closes, as England is now 6 hours ahead of me instead of 5 [until we switch foward this weekend] and I so miss chatting with him in the afternoons. Not much else to write about.

Well, I didn't get to go see me friend this afternoon, our schedules didn't agree with each other! BUT---she did reply to my email! And it was encouraging! She wrote: Just chill as I work things out with my husband and God. I think God is about to do something with me….and He’s preparing me. I can’t explain. It doesn’t mean you an never stop by or that I am not your friend…or that you cannot come to me with things. Actually of all the people I know and pour into…you are the only one who has a teachable spirit…and you are the only one who confessed that you stabbed me in the back. That’s actually pretty cool. Of all the people I know and all the people I have wanted to see set free….your the one I will still minister to. Not that I personally got it all together…NOT! It's not like I ever meant to do anything to hurt her. Perhaps she recognizes that. {Shrug} Goofball that I am....I replied back...."Nice to know I'm not a complete screw-up! LOL!" Sh...

God, what were You thinking when You created me? And what do You think now, as You look upon my life? Have I lived up to Your expectations, the good and the bad? Have I disappointed You at all? I know I have disappointed others. As I set myself up for disappointment...do You hold your breath at all...getting ready to swoop in to hold me should it come...do you smile knowing that it isn't coming? Those who pray, please pray. My bestest friend told me today that her husband would like to see her cut off 4 friendships...one of which would be me. And...I haven't an arguement in the world, no defense, and I know that crying and pleading will do no good. So I am typing an email even now to say, "Ok. Just give me the word." It will hurt. A lot. Just the threat of the ax over my heart brings tears that I can't shed. I hope that my reaction will be mature enough that it will persuade him to let me stay. I expect to be told to go away.

It was quiet here at the library today. Nothing more to say.

Daydreamer, I sooooooo loved your new background that I had to get it for myself! Hope you don't mind! Isn't it great everyone? I kept the outfit the same as it still fits my mood. :)

It's Friday. I'm tired, had some freaky dreams. I'm bummed, my friend hasn't emailed me so I don't know if she's still mad at me and I can't go to her house because when someone kicks you out of their house you can't just go back, u know? Sigh. But it's time for lunch. So I'm breaking from blogging and stuff for a few hours and will be back. Who knows what'll happen in the meantime. I swear, I get in less trouble here than I do in the "real world".

The Dart Test... A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminaryclass, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved. The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her...