Sunday, March 26, 2006

What were You thinking?

God, what were You thinking when You created me? And what do You think now, as You look upon my life? Have I lived up to Your expectations, the good and the bad? Have I disappointed You at all? I know I have disappointed others.

As I set myself up for disappointment...do You hold your breath at all...getting ready to swoop in to hold me should it come...do you smile knowing that it isn't coming?




Those who pray, please pray. My bestest friend told me today that her husband would like to see her cut off 4 friendships...one of which would be me. And...I haven't an arguement in the world, no defense, and I know that crying and pleading will do no good. So I am typing an email even now to say, "Ok. Just give me the word."

It will hurt. A lot. Just the threat of the ax over my heart brings tears that I can't shed.

I hope that my reaction will be mature enough that it will persuade him to let me stay.

I expect to be told to go away.

8 comments:

RIP Posts said...

I will pray for you and your friend. Hopefully she will see the light someday.

Daydream believer said...

First of all...who is her husband to tell her to cut off a friendship. Or - is she hiding behind him. She is not your friend RIGHT now. So, you don't have to worry about cutting it. I hate to see you hurt. It isn't a reflection on you...it is a reflection on her. God might want this relationship out of your life and is now providing a way to end it without you having to second guess yourself.

Pray, and write. God loves Robin.

Jules said...

Ciera, my thoughts as I read your post were the EXACT thoughts that Daydream Believer shared. I was relunctant to share them earlier. I felt like this might be a God thing.

Strained relationships with other women are not healthy and are destructive to our lives. Been there, done that. Glad it's over.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Your friend's husband is way too controlling. How can he tell his wife to sever four friendships? You certainly shouldn't be his, but his wife should be able to make her own mind up.

You've done nothing wrong here.

Kat said...

Oh sweetheart. What all the others said.

Hear it again: it's NOT you. You know where thoughts like that come from. One tip: it's not God.

(((hugs))) and you are in my prayers.

Daydream believer said...

Got a message for ya.....

Ciera said...

thanks everyone. I'll post more later, as I am going to see her later today. She hasn't replied to my email yet, so no doubt it will be discussed. Maybe she's talked it over with her husband and they've decided to keep me [I mean, really, what would they do without me?!?!] Still, I hate feeling like I have to "perform at a certain level" to be worthy of friendship. Daydreamer typed in a hymn for me over at her site...I was so very touched last night by it...even though, especially?, since it is my friend's favorite hymn. Gotta run, my fifteen minutes are up.

Carmi said...

Sounds like a lovely husband indeed (note intense sarcasm in this remark.) I sincerely hope they're in counselling.

I'll pray for you all.