Monday, December 04, 2006

Where I Am

Daydream Believer asked where I was.....

I be working! I worked six days straight after coming home from Thanksgiving...and have had only one day off...I think I may have slept most of it...I know I slept most of Sunday, though I was a very good girl and went to church that morning.

I guess I'm ok. I mean, I haven't been picked up for double homicide...LOL! It's been getting a little easier. Since my doctor put me on medication for anxiety [remember all that trouble I was having with my breathing???? Nerves!!!] I decided maybe I ought to go back to my counsleor...the one who got me through the emotional crash of '94 after high school and some other things...and we were talking during out first session...and I don't know what I said, but he sits up all of a sudden like and says, "I don't think depression is the right diagnosis...I don't know why I didn't see this before...I think you're bipolar..." He actually apologized for misdiagnosing me all these years {that was a little wierd}. I don't actually get tested for it until later this month though---I mean, I already have the followup doctors appointment, why not just do it then. I suppose I could go in now and like, know for sure...but I checked online a list of symptoms...went right down the list, 'yep, yep, uh-huh, sometimes, that's me...'

I told my one friend this, the one who gives me so much trouble and blaims it on me...and she was like, "I don't think you've got that...you seem pretty even to me...you're just depressed and heartbroken..." Yeah, my heart is broken right now....like, shattered.....but if she honestly thinks I'm "even" maybe she ought to read this blog, where anyone can see my ups and downs...sometimes with in the same day...

Ah well.....such is life.......

5 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It's true that we all have our ups and downs, but it's how we cope with the 'downs' that is important.

Good luck with it, Ciera.

Daydream believer said...

Bi-Polar? I never got that vibe from you...but then again...look whose talking. Be careful because that is the new "darling" diagnosis of late...everyone is now bi-polar when before it was depression..then it was anxiety disorder. But then again...a little seratonin makes the world go round.

Ciera said...

Jean-Luc : Thanks

DayDreamer : I hide alot. Of course I'll be careful, and I'm not saying I'm not responsible for my behavior, but I've known for a long time that there was something...not right...about me. I probably should have sought help a long time ago...but what can I say??? I'm a proud woman. Not to mention there is a HUGE stigma against mental illness in Christianity. That's one of the things I like about my job----I fit right it, madness and all...LOL!!!

Daydream believer said...

Ok, then just take care of yourself. Here watch this, maybe it will make you laugh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bOf9HEE7PU

Ciera said...

I'll check it out tomorrow...as usual short on time... :) by the way, with all the chemicals in our food and air and rain, why wouldn't we all be bipolar!!! LOL!!!!