Wednesday, January 11, 2006

A Situation

Ok. I need to think out loud here for a bit while I wait on email. I have a situation going on that could become tough.

A bit of background:
About 2 years ago, a single man started coming to my church and showed an interest in me. It lasted about a month and a half, with him giving me mixed signals all the time...since I have been praying for a husband for a while now, at the time, it seemed like my prayers were being answered despite the confusion. It all came down one night about midnight in his parking lot and I haven't talked to him since. He only stayed around for another 7-8 months, and those were very hard months. He lied to me and mislead me, often. Like it was second nature for him. It was made even more traumatic by a discovery of mine on a website shortly after he left the area.
In September 2005, I had a blind date that was far from fruitful.
My singleness and desire to be married is known to all in church, and so...

To the present:
Yes, another single man has walked into my church and is interested in me. He hasn't said anything, but he looks at me an awful lot, and a friend has confirmed that he does in fact like me and thinks that it is even the reason why he moved here. Thing is...I like someone else. A lot. And I think he likes me back. [of course, not even my bestest friend knows that] But the thing is...I fear that at least one person is expecting me to fall for this new guy just because he is single and nice and interested in me...and I also fear that she is going to try and set us up. Ok, like I'm afraid she's going to try to manipulate me into a relationship. She asked me to sit with her this past Sunday...no big deal I thought...until talking with my bestest friend yesterday and she tells me that this first woman is up to something...but she won't tell me what [which may be a good thing]. See, this guy that moved here sits with this woman as she's sort of like a mentor to him [which is really kind of freaky]. And so, maybe I'm way off base in my suspicions, hoping I am. But I can't think of any other reason. I doubt it's just because I generally sit alone. Bestest friend said it wasn't that. this other woman is also trying to like maniuplate the old prayer team and so it could be that too. But bestest friend said that whatever the reason is, it's pretty twisted. Great. Last thing I need.

Please tell me someone has some word of encouragement or advice. I mean, with all that has went on in the past few months at church, this makes me want to fly the coop even more. I'm staying right now basically because I'm stubborn.

-----

Also I had a thought---if any of you have ever tried to email me and never gotten a response, it might be that I've never gotten the email [if it's not in my address book, stuff has a tendancy to go into my Bulk mail which I seldom remember to check before I dump.] So, leave a note here first before you email so I can be on the lookout.

And if you ever get bored on the weekends...I've started a new site. It's in the links to the left as My Fiction Site Check it out. Also new: Heart of a Poet

28 comments:

flu said...

IMHO, vanilla is the bestest of ALL the flavors!

Ciera said...

gee thanks Fluke.

flu said...

hey, that's freaky... I wrote my last comment AFTER I read yours, but now, my last comment is showing up BEFORE yours!

Well, except THIS comment is now my last one. Re-read what I just wrote, but think of my fourth comment as my last one. Weird, huh?

flu said...

but really... follow your heart, and don't concern yourself with living up to anyone else's expectations.

Ciera said...

That is freaky, Fluke. But I have no idea what you're talking about. Vanilla?!

stalebREAD said...

Well, having just stumbled upon your blog and read the initial excerpt I would wanting desperately to get to know somebody before wanting desperately to be married. And having been just recently married I can honesly say that it's great, and I love it, but it's by no means a magic bullet. Relax, have fun, and stop putting so much emphasis on being married.

flu said...

OMG! it's, like, a flavor.

Hey! What happened to my 6th comment?

weird, it's showing up on the "Post a comment" page, but not on your "A situation" page!

Well, except now this is my 6th comment... or 7th, if my other one decides to show up. Hm.

flu said...

NOW THEY'rE ALL HERE!

I'm never eating the chimichangas at that restaurant again.

Ciera said...

OMG. I am sooo confused....all this comment popping around!!! Fluke - I know it's a flavor.

Stalebread---I've become a little bit more wiser since that experience.

flu said...

now it's gone again.

IMHO is short for "In My Honest Opinion"

I had a serious comment in here somewhere that said, "follow your heart, and don't concern yourself with living up to anyone else's expectations."

The vanilla comment was because I was at a loss for words at the moment.

sorry about the mess.

Ciera said...

Yeah, I think I did see that comment in the melee somewhere. I think that's the right word. I'm gonna have to clean this up later. My head now hurts like it didn't before!

flu said...

sorry.

*looks down, shuffles feet*

Ciera said...

Not your fault Flukester.....

Ciera said...

Stalebread--- been thinking. Didn't want to canvey that I'm desperate to be married. It's something I want, of course, but it no longer eats me as it used to. I'm more frustrated with other people right now.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

Ciera, you have a difficult situation here.

Is the woman manipulating events so that she can get her pupil in a favourable position? You will soon know.

Listen to your head and your heart.

Ciera said...

Thanks for stopping by Jean-Luc...I mean that. I think my poem tells what my head and heart are saying right now. At least they're in agreement.

I'm thinking of renaming the blog---give it a soap opera title maybe....HA!

Daydream believer said...

CIERA! Listen to the ONLY thing I know for sure....what this WISE (unwise) woman has learned the VERY hard way. There is that little voice/feeling/instinct...SOMETHING that guides us/you/we all of us. FOLLOW IT. It has never been wrong for me...I just keep ignoring it!

lol LOVE the comment scatter. Let's make a new game! Who can get the most comments...or something. We haven't played in a while. I AM BORED.

Cliff said...

OK, I know some people get frustrated at me when I say this. It might sound like just something any ol' Christian might say, but I really mean it because it really works. PRAY! Ask God what He thinks about these two fellows. That's what I did before I married Dawn. I gaurantee that things would not have gone so smoothly with us if God had not blessed our relationship. If God wants you to get together with one of these guys, He'll tell you. If He says no to either or both, DON'T DO IT! Ultimately, God even knows what the best way is for us to handle our relationships, just like He knows best for every other aspect of life. Trust Him. Follow His lead, and you'll be Ok.

Cliff said...

Wait, Vanilla? Who cares about Vanilla? Give me something Strawberry flavored. Strawberry rules the world of flavors. Chocolate is a close second. All else is not worthy in comparison.

Shelley said...

I agree with JLP. Listen to your heart and your head. If something about this whole situation seems off, then it likely is. For whatever reason. Does this other person who you really like know you like him? Does that look like it will go anywhere? I suppose it couldn't hurt to go on a date with the new guy...could it? It has been my experience that while people think they are helping someone, it is actually just butting in where they don't belong. Don't let the "mentor" chick call the shots. It's your life we're talking about here! In hindsight, it makes me glad I met my hubby in a bar. Noone was pushing us to meet, it was just the forces of the universe...and the liquor. Another story for another day. Hang in there - when the time comes you'll know what to do.

Oreo said...

Ok, first of all, don't stay at the church because you're stubborn. Find one that suits you & if this woman is doing things like this then she is distracted from worship & she's distracting you. Now, since that is the whole purpose in going to church then the way I see it ( & I could be wrong), you can either explain to her that you are there to worship, not pick up men & she is distracting you from that (politely of course) or find you another church honey. Either way, I'll be praying for you.

Ciera said...

Oh my gosh.

sigh.

Daydreamer: I can't believe how many comments there have been...of course, at least half of them are between me and Fluke wondering what in the world was going on with Blogger. It would be a neat game. Boredom is dangerous, isn't that what you told me the other day? {I too am good at ignoring that instict/voice, etc}

Cliff: prayer, yes. And Chocolate is definately #1. No arguing with me allowed here...this is my blog! :P

thanks Shelley and Oreo. :)

I think I said too much here yesterday. Well, if he didn't already know, he does now. Not sure what will happen now. Either way, it won't change my feelings about the new guy at church. A lot of what is going on at church is BS right now....there's a lot of jockeying for position and backbiting and crap like that. I suppose I could go up to Faith Mountian, but I think the worship style is about the same. I suppose that shouldn't matter, though. And at any rate...I am most defiantely 'fighting' for the right to make my own decisions about my life. Too complicated to explain right now. Thanks everyone.

flu said...

A lot of what is going on at church is BS right now....

BS? What do you mean?

BackSliding?
BibleStudying?
ButterSmearing?
BugSquishing?

Ciera said...

Very funny Fluke.

BackSliding, Backbiting, Brother[sister]Smearing and Squashing and Shunning BullShit

was that enough "BS"ing for you?!?! lol

ribbiticus said...

michele sent me back, ciera. all i can say is listen to your heart. it should lead the way to the right answer. :)

utenzi said...

Ciera, I'm a week behind commenting about this post but here goes: you have to find a new town. Your church is just driving you nuts! Oreo's got a point--which is pretty good for a cat--but my impression is that you live in a place too small to be able to solve your circumstances by changing your church. Good luck, Ciera!

Ciera said...

Utenzi - you echo the thoughts I had just this morning. I've actually been talking to two individuals about the possibility of my moving to a bigger town...but it struck me this morning, that if I leave my church, then I would have to leave town too. Even though this town is dotted with churches...everybody knows everybody else!

utenzi said...

It's like we're sharing the same neurons!!