Saturday, November 06, 2010

What was I expecting?

I should have known better. Really, I should have.

I wrote a poem today, it's scheduled to be posted on my poetry site on the 15th. It was written inspired by a one-word prophetic word given to me by someone who was a friend at the time, and the memory that one-word word sparked.

Good old Paigey.

Our friendship did not end on good terms, though if she were honest, it was much needed and past due. We are both much healthier without each other. I was as much it the wrong when it came to the end...I was being a bitch...and so was she. She'll never admit it, she never could adit when she was wrong...unless you were someone important...but that is neither here nor there.

I'm guessing that she's still as pissed at me as I am at here. I'll admit it. I can't think of her without still being angry. I know I should just let it go and forgive, so I don't become more bitter than I already am.

Anyway, I sent this poem to her because I thought she'd appreciate knowng that the one-word word wasn't in vain. I now I shared the story with her, but this poem was evidence that there was more to it than just that. Heck, it ecouraged me! Of course, I'm encouraged just to be writing again. I'm hoping this means the writer's block is over.

She messagd me back with "Very nice".

Very nice?

Uhm...duh.

Talk about cool politeness!!

I'm not sure what I was looking for, to be honest. More than a two word response. Maybe testing the waters to open some dialogue. I do regret my harsh and angry words at our parting...via MySpace of all places! I keep wanting to message her on FB and ask her if she thinks we can be friends there...but I can't. I know this. I'm better of without her. I'm happier without her. But it's like her friendship was an addiction. I see her on there, friends with some o my friends - we can't help but overlap. All chipper and gushy...and part of me wants that back. The other part laughs, is disgusted with both my weakness and what I view as her fakeness (I've seen the 'behind closed doors' Paige. Maybe she's changed...but I doubt it.

BTW - It's a great little poem.

2 comments:

Jean-Luc Picard said...

With the amount you've been writing, I would say your block is over.

Ciera said...

I am hoping so!!!!