Window Into My Reality

I can't sleep. It's about 5AM, which is only sometimes my bedtime...a lot of times I don't try until 6. But I'm at Mom's and Liston's alarm clocks have been going off since a little after 4:30...he has two, three if you count his wrist watch...one he never shuts off, he just lets it beep and beep and beep...........why he hits snooze on one and not the other is beyond me. So, here I am unable to sleep, bothered by his alarms and by thoughts that won't shut up. I guess I'm worrying a little bit about the big meeting that is going to take place later today at work. I guess Jerry [the head supervisor] pissed Rob [the next supervisor under him] off and Rob went to Brian [Jerry's boss]. There is a good chance that Jerry could get fired or demoted. I hope he's just demoted for a time, because I actually feel safer when Jerry's there. Which is actually a little odd b/c Jerry is as dirty as the rest of the guys there [although I've never h...

Would you like to know why I am saying this this time? Sure you do or you wouldn't still be reading this. While Mom was in the hospital, little brother Liston said that he would do this dishes. This seemed fair to me since I was the one doing the largest share of caring for the cats and dogs. And I do have an injured finger. I might be milking that a little, but it really does hurt and since Liston has back out of the deal and I have to do the dishes that he's dirtied...my finger really doesn't like doing the dishes. This makes me so angry. Mom has five kids...and because I'm the oldest and single...translation: the oldest and the one who has no life of her own...I get saddled with Mom's care. Liston did walk the dogs before he went to bed at 11. Big frickin whoop. Oh, and he did dish Mom some ice cream. He can go out every night and hang with his friends...but I can't. Not without worrying about what's going on at home. Sara is single...she could come down ...

Well, the call came from Mom this morning, interrupting maybe 3 hours of sleep, to say that she could come home today. We didn't know exactly when so she said I could go back to sleep and she'd call when it was time to come get her. About an hour later that call came. So much for sleep today. It's a good thing that I didn't go to church today because she was released right in the middle of church time. What were they thinking? Fought with Liston this morning before I had left. Over stupid stuff. Really though, it's getting too cold to leave the front door open and I shouldn't have to tell him that. Especially when you have cats that have been dropped off and they want to come in too! I don't know how long it will be before I get to go to my home again. I really kind of miss my own bed. And sleeping without cats. I know it was my idea to get them, but they have no sense! They should both sleep on the same side of me, not one on each side! It'...

I have been accused of thinking too much more times than I can count. Sometimes I've even thought this myself. But then my former pastor did once pray/prophesy something over me about 'thinking deep thoughts'. So, on my way home...well, to Mom's home, since this is where I am staying while she is in the hospital...I was thinking about whether or not it is different being an adult and having a parent in the hospital compared to being a child and having a parent in the hospital. I don't really know. In a lot of ways, no...but then again yes. No matter your age...you're scared. Kids are just more free to express that primal fear when a parent is ill. Kids are scared because they don't know what is going on...an adult is scared because they know all too well that is going on, even if they can't pinpoint the infection/illness. Of course, it's different now because I have a firmer grasp on that Rock in the stormy sea named Jesus. When I feel that panic beg...

My Mom is in the hospital...again. Just over a month after being in the hospital with a bad UTI...she is in there with yet another one. Argh !! I wish the doctors would figure out why she has such troubles with these infections. Or that they would be able to get rid of the one that she apparently has all the time. A healthy person just doesn't walk around with a low grade infection all the time do they?? So I'm holding down the homestead again. Someone has to babysit the dogs and cats. I've reapplied for a reporters position at the newspaper. It makes sense, i mean, I am a writer...I ought to have a job where I'm writing. Instead of having to deal with Chris's juvenile mind games and wondering if the supervisor has his mind on our jobs or his own interests. It's getting so that the only people I like there are...well, Kirk, my favorite pressman....ok, Jerry too, on his good days. Tina's ok, though her tendancy to shut my plateroom door annoys me ...

I have taken a deep breath...or two...and am feeling better. I also went shopping yesterday. :D It helped to have Jerry back to work tonight...even though he's technically supposed to be on vacation. Our other supervisor wasn't there though, which was a great relief to me. The one guy who had given me trouble actually apologized for it. That helps tremendously. I still wish Christina would just go away . She was excluded from all conversations regarding this, and she was trying to make like she knew hoping that I'd spill the beans [unless Tempy told her...Carl claims he didn't tell her a thing]. Of course, just about everybody there wishes she'd just go away too. She keeps promising...but she was only gone a week and then she was right back to work... Jerry cut himself at work tonight...so I had to stay over longer...so I'm whooped...gotta get some sleep. At least I don't have to worry about my paycheck, it's already deposited. I didn't get...

My heart is heavy this morning. Tonight was an easier night than most I've had recently at work. I actually got a lunch break. However, I also had to listen to Chris tell how she flashed her boob to the supervisor, apparently at his request...although knowing her as I do...she was all too happy to obligue...she certainly wasn't complaining about it. And then she brags about how she does whatever she wants at work. Which is no doubt why they hired her back after she quit and was only gone a week. So, if she flashes her boobs just for gee whiz...what does she do when she really wants something???? On the other hands...Carl was willing to pay to see my boobs. When I said a guy had to pay to see my boobs, I didn't mean like that!!! He just laughed when I said that and put his money away. It's almost a nice compliment....but do I look like a stripper to you?!?!?! And my sister is being a hormonal bitch. She's younger than me, and has had all the 'firsts...

Or do I? What does it mean to understand? First we have to break the word down..."under" and "stand". Under - submit Stand - point of view So, to understand is to submit to a point of view.Can we "understand" each other...when our point of views cannot be united? When Jesus says that He is the only way...can we "submit" to the "point of view" that there are many ways to heaven? Can we follow a person's line of thought, comprehend what they are saying, but not submit to the way they see things, their point of view? Can we "understand" a peron's pain...the misery that drives them...because we've been there ourselves...but not "submit" to their erroneous point of view [erroneous b/c it's tainted by their own self]? Food for thought. This is a new concept for me, something that was taught at a recent conference I was at. The meaning of "understand"....the rest is just my own thoughts...mean...

I over oiled my car. I didn't mean to...honest...But my oil light flickered on, and it had that sound that it always has when it needs oil and I've let it get a little too low. Well, I didn't actually check the dipstick...and just put oil in. And then left the oil cap OFF and drove almost 25 miles...had oil everywhere and I do mean everywhere...it was running down the front bumper. So, thinking that like the last time I did this [over a year ago] that I had lost all my oil, once I found my cap [it was right where I left it] I put more oil in. And then my car wouldn't run right...sluggish...and now it just won't start. I thought for sure I had blown the engine. But no...I had TOO much oil in it. So it sits in front of my boss's house...waiting for someone with the right tool to pull the spark plugs and the time. And the knowledge...b/c Jerry spent hours working on a part that my car doesn't even have...????...Lord only knows what he's done to it...

Hi gang! Wow. What an experience! First of all, it took us 10 hours to make an 7/8 hour trip...somebody has weak bladders, but I won't mention names [but it wasn't me or Paige!] And then, the first night we were there....it rained...and the tent leaked!! And it rained most of the second day, so our stuff got wetter. But, they opened one of the ymca buildings for us to use over night so that our stuff could dry out more. They even got us mattresses. I think we spent only one night in there as a whole group. So, we went back to sleeping in the tent. I was so cold, though the others weren't, and I would wake up wet. We actually had some really nice weather once the rain was done. Although, it did rain once more, I think on Monday, and we were smart and pulled our bedding out and stuffed it in our cars so that it wouldn't get wet...which is how we found out that I was sleeping in a puddle of water!!!! And it was beginning to mold! Which is how I've found ...