I have been accused of thinking too much more times than I can count. Sometimes I've even thought this myself. But then my former pastor did once pray/prophesy something over me about 'thinking deep thoughts'.
So, on my way home...well, to Mom's home, since this is where I am staying while she is in the hospital...I was thinking about whether or not it is different being an adult and having a parent in the hospital compared to being a child and having a parent in the hospital. I don't really know. In a lot of ways, no...but then again yes. No matter your age...you're scared. Kids are just more free to express that primal fear when a parent is ill. Kids are scared because they don't know what is going on...an adult is scared because they know all too well that is going on, even if they can't pinpoint the infection/illness.
Of course, it's different now because I have a firmer grasp on that Rock in the stormy sea named Jesus. When I feel that panic beginning to whelm up inside of me, I can only throw myself at His feet. It might not stop the panic....but there is a calming effect nonetheless...just knowing that He is there and not going to leave. As a kid, watching my father go in and out of the hospital, I didn't get this. And there's no shame in that.
As an adult, I have just enough medical knowledge to be dangerous...and it doesn't help when the doctor himself gives out "it might be this....but we don't know for sure yet". Hello?!?! I can come up with my own imaginations very well on my own, thank you very much!!! And so can my Mom, who is no dummy. Leave the might-be's and maybe's for ... well ... you're own deducing because there isn't anyone who needs to be wieghed down by 'maybe's' when they're ill.
As a child, no one tells you anything. You're left wondering what's going on and so you're imagining the worst. I'm glad those days are left behind me.
As an adult who knows Jesus, with a mother who knows Jesus...I can speak life over her. Life and health and wholeness. It is too bad that I didn't know this for my Dad, but the past is in the past and we can't change it...we can only learn from it and go forward.
Mom might be allowed to come home on Sunday...if her temperture can stay down. I know that I am here for a few days even after she comes home. But if that's what it takes for her to get better, I'm ok with that even though it means sleeping on the uncomfortable loveseat. Because she's Mom.