Monday, March 31, 2008

No life of my own...

This is why I didn't want to move back home. I know it's good that I'm here to help Mom. But I feel like the umbilical cord has been reattached. I can't even go out on my own without her having to tag along. I realize that it makes sense for us to both go to the same town if she has business there as well...but this means that I can't visit Paige with any sense of freedom. How can I leave the stress of Mom nad her needs behind when she's with me?! She wants to go have the eyedoctors look at her glasses because the one lense is popping out. I know I'm so selfish for being cranky about this, but I can't seem to ever get away by myself!!!

I mean, work doesn't count, because have you any idea how stressful that place can be? Any job is like this, even the ones we like. I like to get away from there once in a while too. I have no where to hide anymore!

I hate this part of my life. I really do. I feel like I've taken a thousand steps backwards. I'm a grown woman and I have to be Mommy's little girl still.

I have to admit that I find a thousand devious ways to show her that I'm not a little girl anymore. Making casual comments about sex toys is something I started doing shortly before moving back in. It was when Cliff and his family came down for Christmas. I made a comment about how I owuld have to make sure all my toys were put away.

She doesn't seem to get it though. I think I am more right about my life than people realize. When I make comments about how things will never change, they all remind me how things can change so quickly, blah blah how I think I'll never have a husband and children because I'm tied to my mother now. Well, I can't even go visit my best friend without having to bring her along. How fricking pathetic is that?

Do you think I'm taking darvocet just for the pain from my falls? sssshhhh, don't tell on me! It's just for a little while, I promise. At least the emotional part. I have no idea how long the physical pain will go on. Sheesh, it can't be forever....can it?


Jean-Luc Picard said...

The umbilical cord is a tough one to break, Ciera. You've got to demand some 'me time' as a reward for being at home.

k said...

I agree with the last some treats into your routine as a thanks to yourself for doing the right thing. Bless your heart!

Michele sent me.