Skip to main content

No life of my own...

This is why I didn't want to move back home. I know it's good that I'm here to help Mom. But I feel like the umbilical cord has been reattached. I can't even go out on my own without her having to tag along. I realize that it makes sense for us to both go to the same town if she has business there as well...but this means that I can't visit Paige with any sense of freedom. How can I leave the stress of Mom nad her needs behind when she's with me?! She wants to go have the eyedoctors look at her glasses because the one lense is popping out. I know I'm so selfish for being cranky about this, but I can't seem to ever get away by myself!!!

I mean, work doesn't count, because have you any idea how stressful that place can be? Any job is like this, even the ones we like. I like to get away from there once in a while too. I have no where to hide anymore!

I hate this part of my life. I really do. I feel like I've taken a thousand steps backwards. I'm a grown woman and I have to be Mommy's little girl still.

I have to admit that I find a thousand devious ways to show her that I'm not a little girl anymore. Making casual comments about sex toys is something I started doing shortly before moving back in. It was when Cliff and his family came down for Christmas. I made a comment about how I owuld have to make sure all my toys were put away.

She doesn't seem to get it though. I think I am more right about my life than people realize. When I make comments about how things will never change, they all remind me how things can change so quickly, blah blah blah...like how I think I'll never have a husband and children because I'm tied to my mother now. Well, I can't even go visit my best friend without having to bring her along. How fricking pathetic is that?

Do you think I'm taking darvocet just for the pain from my falls? sssshhhh, don't tell on me! It's just for a little while, I promise. At least the emotional part. I have no idea how long the physical pain will go on. Sheesh, it can't be forever....can it?

Comments

Jean-Luc Picard said…
The umbilical cord is a tough one to break, Ciera. You've got to demand some 'me time' as a reward for being at home.
k said…
I agree with the last comment...build some treats into your routine as a thanks to yourself for doing the right thing. Bless your heart!

Michele sent me.

Popular posts from this blog

Weekenders!!!

It's that time again. For Michele's weekend Meet-n-Greet. Some frown, but others gleefully play. Here's a question for all who visit here, whether on your own or from Michele's: Last night during a prayer meeting, I had a memory flash through my mind. More like the shadow of the memory. I was five years old or younger and I was begging my father for a peanut butter cake. I really wanted one, and even though I was interupting the adult conversation and probably being a regular brat...my Dad quit what he was doing to search for a recipe for a peanut butter cake...uhm, I don't think he ever found one so he made me a chocolate one with peanut butter frosting. This is probably the best memory I have of my father. So - what is your favorite childhood memory?????

Shock and Awe

It is a strange thing. How someone can say, "I'm sorry, please forgive me" and still manage to correct you all at once...it is truly amazing to me. I was shocked that this person actually admitted to being wrong, and at the same time, I was ashamed for wanting it. But it got me to thinking. About Repentance and Forgiveness...how once they have happened...there is healing and restoration. I haven't completely researched it yet, but the verses I've peaked at in James make me think I'm not far off. I wonder, just as one person sinning can spoil others...can one person repenting turn others to repentance? Hmm.... Of course, as in any relationship situation...it helps to know the whole story. Why do we do that, I wonder? Close up and not share what is going on, I mean. I know that sometimes, there are things that hurt too deep to share right away. It is frustrating. Thanksgiving looks to be a dismal day so far. I'm not about ready to invite myself to any...

My Brother's Question and Answer Segment

As you all know from yesterday's post and comments, my brother slammed me on a few of my survey answers. I've left his questions/comments in black and my answers in blue. Letter: Q Now, I wonder why you would like the letter Q. I wonder what Jean-Luc REALLY thinks about that? Uhm---it's the only Star Trek related letter. :P Any comment Jean-Luc?? Body Part on Opposite sex: smile Age you wanna lose your Virginity: How old am I now? LOL Can these two answers really correspond? It sounds to me like you might be lying in one of these. What???? Sex doesn't start with a smile? Besides....you should see his smile. Strawberry or Watermelon: watermelon What! Watermelon! You...You... TRAITOR! :P Kiss or Hug: both Now, this answer seems to correspond well with both your answers in the above mentioned two questions. And your point is? Rap or Punk: rap You really like rap? Uhm...I think TobyMac counts as rap and I like a few of his songs. I also like hiphop. Wanna see me dance with ...