Saturday, October 29, 2005

It's Saturday

Nothing is going on today. We have a Halloween parade later, and the church may or may not have a float in it. We are having a party for the kids afterwards, and a table serving coffe and such to people as they pass by. I was asked to help with the kids party. hmm. And my bestest friend is having some sort of breakdown. And somehow...it's partially my fault. Riiight. No matter how badly behaved I've been, how much I've screwed up, it's not within my power to how she reacts to it. Perhaps I am the 'straw' that broke the camels back. I can't even apologize though, because she hasn't told me what I've done. I wonder what it was....when I challenged her newly changed opinions? dared to rebuke her for how she had handles something [she's a leader and leaders are touchy about that kind of stuff.] No doubt I was out of line. I could easily hurt myself somehow right now and blame everyone else..."so and so doesn't like me, doesn't approve of me" "my bestest friend is rejecting me" "The housing authority has lost my rent and is trying to evict me"{try and figure that one out}...but I don't do these things, because she's the one that has taught me differently!!!!!

It's far easier to live in fantasy than real life.

4 comments:

utenzi said...

Hmmm. Women are always pulling that "you should know what you did wrong" crap. I just didn't realize they did it to other women as well as to men. LOL

Sorry you and your friend are in a bad place right now, Ciera. I'm sure it'll all work out.

Jean-Luc Picard said...

It would be better if that WAS the fantasy life, Ciera.

Let's hope that time will heal the differences again.

Ciera said...

Utenzi - apparently my biggest crime is not being able to keep my my mouth shut, even when I try to make things better all I do is make them worse.

Captain - I am not optimistic. I can fail only so many times before giving up, and like my 'friend' who has for the first time called me a name to my face I'm throwing in the towel. If she "loves" me enough, she's going to have to pick it back up. But that's how I feel right now, I might feel differently in the morning.

Shelley said...

Hi girl, I hope you have a super Halloween, at any rate! Shel