Isolation

I don't know what it is exactly, but I felt so isolated at work. I can only imagine what sort of gossip I've missed about myself the past two nights I was off. I know I had griped to Tempy about how Christina had been hugging and kissing on Kirk [his cheek] and Tempy is as prone to gossip as Christina is, so wether she said something to the other, I don't know. Not that it matters, I have no claim on Kirk, just a crush. And it's not like Chris is talking to me yet either. Oh, she talked to me a little Saturday night when we were doing the Sunday paper, but that's only because she had no one else to talk to. Which is the only time she ever does talk to me...when I'm her last choice. Which I've known probably for about a year now. It's no big loss, really. All she ever talks about is who she's been laying with [and then wonders why we all think she's a whore] or who she hates this week [there's a cycle to it, believe it or not]. I try not to hate her, I really do. But I know that I come awful close sometiems. This past week especially. I am smart enough to know that some of it is jealousy...I mean, she has this freedom [real or imagined? I don't know] to well...touch Kirk...while I am terrified to touch him. I mean, we are in the work place. Tempy can argue all she wants about "how professional can you expect night shift to be?" but let's be honest...we can be a little more professional than what we are. I'd love to give Kirk a peck on the cheek [or somewhere else], or give him a hug [hey, there was that one night I somehow ended up with my breasts pressed into his back]. But I sometimes suffocate under the thought...what if he's just being nice to me...and doesn't like me that much at all. Maybe I ought to find the courage to do as Rob suggests and...just ask him.

I walked through the office tonight, on my way out for the night...and no one even noticed. They were so deep in their conversation, that I might as well not been there. But I spent almost 15 minutes talking with Eddie so I guess that made up for it. And Carl said "hi" to me earlier in the night, and I later told him how my car won't back up now...well, it can, but with a lot of protest from the brakes. But other than that, and a few words from Tina as she was in and out, I worked mostly in silence last night.

Alright. Enough whining. I'm going home to have a glass of milk and see if I have a parking spot waiting for me.