Friday, September 16, 2005

The Other Side of Reality

Here is a "squirrel story" as my brother asked for. A brief background: a few years back, my Pastor was sick and we spent some time doing stuff just to encourage him and lift his spirits. I wrote two short stories for him, the second one had this squirrel in it. Pastor pulled a fast one and had his wife read it to the congregation the next Sunday. And the squirrel story was born. Here is one I wrote for him not to long ago, after he had problems with pidgeons roosting on the roof of the parsonage.

The Other Side of Reality
By: R.A. Slater

Flock of a Different Feather

“Stupid birds,” muttered Pastor Norm. “They’re messing up my new roof!”

It was true. There were like seventy [ahem - - - three] birds on the roof of the parsonage. And they were all settling in for the night, doing their business on the nice new shingles.

Pastor Sharon was working in the kitchen when she happened to notice her husband walking by the window with the water hose in hand. At first, she thought nothing of this. After all, it hadn’t rained in a while and all the flowers needed water. It wasn’t she saw water dripping off the roof that she though to wonder.

What could Pastor be doing?

Curious, Pastor Sharon set down her washrag and went outside. There she saw her husband watering the roof.

“Honey?” she asked. “What are you doing.”?

Pastor smiled mischievously at her. “I’m baptizing my flock.”

“What?” she exclaimed, wondering if perhaps he had been out in the sun too long.

Pastor Norm laughed and explained, “There are pigeons on our new roof and I’m trying to scare them off.”

Sharon moved a little closer and looked. Sure enough. “Get ‘em, Poppa.”

However, the birds weren’t going to go so easily. Chattering among themselves [making comments about Bapticostals who stood outside at night to watch flowers open but wouldn’t share their roof] the three birds merely moved to the peak of the roof where the water house couldn’t reach.

Mirth, the squirrel that lived quite happily in the pastors’ TREE, like a normal animal should, heard the sound of water and left his book to see if it had finally decided to rain. Nooooooooo. Of course not. Pastor Norm was just watering his roof. Mirth was about to go back inside, but then realized that something was amiss…..Pastor was doing what????

Mirth scampered down from his tree, and since the roof was wet, he had to race around the house on the ground. On the other side, he found the two pastors calmly standing next to each other, as water poured out onto the roof from the hose in Pastor Norm’s hand.

“What’s going on?” the squirrel asked, nimbly climbing up Pastor to perch on his shoulder.

“Pigeons,” answered Sharon. “On the roof.”

Mirth looked. “Stupid birds.”

“That’s what I said,” commented Pastor Norm.

Mirth had a bold moment of stupidity. “I’ll take care of this. Just have your bottling of anointing oil handy in case I need it.”

With that, the squirrel leapt from Pastor’s shoulder and disappeared.

“What do you suppose…” began Sharon, then trailed off as Mirth appeared on the roof. “Mirth – you be careful!”

What a ruckus ensued! Mirth had taken the three pigeons by surprise and in short order had scared them off. There were a few feathers floating in the air as the squirrel returned to his pastors.

“If they come back, just call me.” With that, the squirrel disappeared.

Pastors looked at each other, not sure what to make of the event. But that night as they watched the pigeons circle their abode and turn and go the other way…the two were quite happy and decided to let Mirth have extra Acorns the next day to show their gratitude.

Mirth was just happy to get back to reading his book.

The End


Shannon said...

hi! here via michele's~
have a good weekend !

Michelle said...

cute story! here via michele's too :)

Anonymous said...

Hello, Michele sent me.

That was a cute story. Which I needed so I'm glad I stopped by. My husband feeds the squirrels at our house. And one even lets him pet her.

take care!

kitty said...

Hello, Happy Friday. Michele sent me..

Shelley said...

What a cute story. Have a super weekend!

Jean-Luc Picard said...

What is it with squirrel stories? Are they the only ones the Pastor tells?

Ciera said...

For all who liked the story - Thanks!

Captain - I wish I could understand what it is about the squirrel stories as well. Talk about being stereotyped as an author! I want to write intensely emotional drama and sci-fi...but does anyone at church want that???? nooooooo - give us the squirrel they cry. Oh brother.

Cin said...

Hi! I'm visiting here from Michele's today! Fabulous story - I'd love to see the squirrel story...

flu said...

Were you there that day the squirrel went beserk?
Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into Church
I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
When that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that something was among us was plain to see
As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had religion others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weed eater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room
All the way down to the amen pew where sat Sister Bertha better-than-you
Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee
But you should've seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me"
As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame
She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names

The day the squirrel went berserk
In the First Self-Righteous Church
In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well seven deacons and the pastor got saved,
Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot
Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred rededications
And we all got baptized whether we needed it or not
Now you've heard the bible story I guess
How he parted the waters for Moses to pass
Oh the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that Church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel

Ciera said...

LOL!!! thanks Fluke!