Today is the first full day of busdriving for me. This is good, mostly. This means I'll be back on a regular schedule four days out of the week [we generally don't have school on Fridays, except for today]. Hopefully this odd stretch of days will help me get back into the habit of getting up earlier...and it would be great if I could get up earlier than I had to so that I could do stuff, u know.
I'm having trust issues right now. Especially with my church's leadership. If my pastor says words that make me believe something that isn't true, isn't that lying? Of course, for some reason I've never quite understood, leadership can get away with that kind of stuff...to a degree...I mean, look at Aaron from the Bible - he lied about how the Golden Calf was formed. I don't understand it...must have something to do with the anointing thing...King Saul was another one...he kept his kingly authority even though he left God's walk in a big way. A lie is a lie is a lie, right? Even in the name of God? How is it right to allow a person to believe that they believe what you're saying ... ... ... and later you find out that they don't believe you? I understand that leadership is testing people right now [something I don't think I'm supposed to know] ... ... ...I wouldn't be surprised if disciplining me 15 minutes before Sunday School starts was part of the test...like I was set up, to see how I would take it. I don't feel tested right now...I'm feeling manipulated. Even by my friend/mentor.....she's leadership...and she's my friend........and I've been replaying some of the conversations we've had since Sunday [because I'm slightly obsessive compulsive about stuff] and I wonder how much she has said to me just to see what I would do with it.......like using the exact same phrase that got me in trouble. Am I supposed to go running to pastors saying, "she said it to"??? Am I supposed to go running to the rest of the Intercession Team to say that we're all being tested by leadership and that we've all failed?? Argh! I know that some of the stuff she has told me, even though she probably wasn't supposed to, because she wants to see me grown and she wants to see me excell and all that. But the 'bite me' comments make me wonder. I'm going to have to ask her how often she uses our relationship to test me...not that it would change anything, I'm just too curious for my own good.
I miss Captain Picard...my day just isn't the same without him :( But he'll be back Sunday. I'll have to let him know where to find me.
We had a good prayer meeting last night...though we were all holding hands for a while [the untiy thing] and the woman holding my one hand was really getting passionate about something she was praying for and about took my arm out of the socket. It was soooo funny...cuz here I am praying, 'uhm, yeah Lord...what she's saying...just can you have her let go of my hand soon?' LOL! The nation is being called to prayer right now...and so we all have to learn to get along with our differences, right?
OK. I've rambled on long enough. Later!